To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

@GoldenPolden

Here it's MUMSnet, some PP should really consider who the majority audience is.

TRIPLE HOUSE

@gofg

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

I think you are being a little bit ridiculous here. We are never going to get to the stage where no-one has children, so there will always be another generation coming on to pay taxes. Plenty of people didn't have children in past generations because they were unable to - society didn't collapse!

I don't agree with that poster you've quoted, but low birth rate (which we do have currently in the UK) is a concern. A lot of experts (not random Mumsnetters) are genuinely concerned about it. But that isn't a reason for people who don't want to have kids to have them anyway. So it's a moot point. It's a bit different if you're avoiding having kids purely for the greater good. Then it becomes a bit more complex, but usually people who decide to do that have (hopefully!) given it a great deal of thought and know what they're doing.

Coercion either way, to have DCs or not, is clearly bullshit.

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead

Goodness, by that logic are infertile people less valuable members of society in your opinion?

People who don't meet anyone they want to parent with?

My parents adopted me and my brother so they didn't create a new taxpayer in the making. In fact they could have created TWO had they had the same number of children biologically How very selfish of them, eh?

@GoldenPolden

Can't they form NOTAMUMnet.com. Or just f off to Reddit

No. Because they don't sob and shake over neig ours parking on their drive so it's not fun.

Also, some of the creative writing exercises here are actually entertaining.

youvegottenminuteslynn

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead“

What a stupid comment. We have children. We have also paid enough tax and NI to cover our/their and several other people’s health care and state pensions for several decades because we are high earners. We would have paid even more had I not taken many years our to care for our children.

Do you feel the same when the actual mums complain about their kids (or other kids)?

Nope. I mean sometimes I don't like the way people talk about their kids, or other people's kids. Sometimes I disagree with the way other parents parent. But there is a difference between taking issue with certain kids behaviour and generally believing them to be inherently shitty and motherhood to be an unedifying waste of time/an insult to mother nature/a failure of feminism etc etc. As parents, their opinions and experiences of parenting (however different from mine) have a place here.

I just don't GET the people who come on here purely to say "so fucking glad I never had kids, sounds so shit and horrible." I mean I don't go onto skiing or golfing forums and join every thread to say what a dangerous/boring waste of time those activities are. Just seems perverse.

@MrsSkylerWhite

youvegottenminuteslynn

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead“

What a stupid comment. We have children. We have also paid enough tax and NI to cover our/their and several other people’s health care and state pensions for several decades because we are high earners. We would have paid even more had I not taken many years our to care for our children.

I agree! I was quoting another poster in the bold bit of my post!

@GoldenPolden

Can't they form NOTAMUMnet.com. Or just f off to Reddit

Would that mean that dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents etc should also all fuck off?

Or is it just women without children that you take exception to for being on here?

@GoldenPolden

Can't they form NOTAMUMnet.com. Or just f off to Reddit

But if we were to do that then where would all that pent up hatred you have in your soul be directed?

It goes both ways. Smug without kids and smug with.

Why is that coming up in conversation at work OP? Sounds a bit personal.

I saw a post on here recently where a poster was saying she has multiple kids with SN and was pregnant with her 4th. I’m thinking she’s batshit or banking on the PIP. Either way I’m happy to be kid free and not deal with that. Even 4 (or 1!) NT kids would drive me insane.

I haven’t RTFT but raising kids looks like total boring drudgery to me. I’d rather my life, sorry if it irritates OP.

@Artdecolover

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

As if any of these things will be available when we retire! My care will be paid for by me by the house that I own and work for or alternatively I'd prefer not to be drain on society by outliving my usefulness

I didn't realise that every parent decides to have children in order to ensure that there is replenishment of tax payers!

We need less people on this planet not more and I will happily do my bit to ensure I'm not a drain on resources as I get older to support reduction in population.

Don't kid yourself you became a parent for anything other than your own personal desire.

I know @Malin52 who paid for their precious darlings education?Not all kids are going to be worthy tax payers.

I moved to a new country and a friend kindly set up a meet and greet. I started talking to one woman and within a few minutes the conversation moved to where we both lived in the vicinity and she said to me 'oh so do your kids go to x school?' I said 'oh we don't have kids'. She looked at me, smiled politely and then looked around and started talking to someone else. She didn't give me a second glance.

At a house party a few months ago. I was chatting to a friend about general life stuff. Maybe a book we had read or something and another friend came over to join the chat. Within 30 second the topic of conversation had changed to their toddler's bowel movements and potty training. I stuck it out listening politely for about 5 minutes until I could take more (the conversation was entirely two sided not that I have potty based opinions). I excused myself (just need to grab a drink) and I was accused by my friend of being rude and 'just walking off whenever we talk about the children, and it was just a couple of minutes'. Fact is they ALWAYS talk about the children but don't seem to see it.

By far the most negative stuff I see is by people with children.

It used to make me feel sick but I assumed maybe I just didn’t know anything about it. Still makes me feel sick now I have a child.

It really is sad. I’ve always been ambivalent about having children. My friends having children and seeing what it takes has put me off. Then the biggest mistake. Joining Mumsnet. It is all doom and gloom re parenthood. Again, more so put me off.

I’m actually devastated that I won’t have children. But it’s a choice. You can not have children through choice but still be sad. I’m certainly not living some crazy wonderful life.

OP I understand what you are saying and I absolutely love children to bits although we decided to be childfree for environmental reasons- I absolutely do not begrudge anyone for deciding to have children.
My sister has children and she only calls me when she wants me to babysit and does not include me in her children’s Birthday parties by saying it’s for ‘families only’ ie- people with children. It hurts alot to be excluded when I do so much for her and my nieces/nephews.
I would love to have a wider social circle with women my own age but as soon as they hear that I am childfree they want nothing to do with me.
I am not the only childfree person that this has happened to.
I think after being treated like a leper for so long, childfree women are fed up and voicing their opinions to try and even the playing field.
Not saying it’s right, but it’s a given really.
It takes a village to raise a child and childfree people are part of that village. We pick up the slack whilst you are on maternity leave, we work during religious holidays so you can be with your children, we work late so that you can pick your children up from school. We cover you so you can care for your sick children who are home from school and we are rarely thanked for it.
Again, Village.
It wouldn’t be so Us vs Them if Mother’s and Father’s could acknowledge us once in awhile and not exclude us for making different life choices to their own.

Some people seem to have an issue whenever someone else makes a different choice to them. When someone is forceful about stating their different choices, there is often a background story.

I always hear the word 'brag' and think of a past friend who constantly got her knickers twisted about someone on facebook 'bragging' about getting their A 'levels, getting into their university of choice, passing their qualifications, getting their first job, getting their first paycheck and treating themselves, getting her driving license, first car, getting engaged, getting her first home, puppy etc.
For me, the word brag makes me think of this killjoy, being jealous of her friends achievements rather than happy for her.

I mean... that's true there is Reddit for child haters...

You don't have to 'hate' children not to want any of your own. I don't hate horses but I wouldn't want the hassle of looking after my own horse.

Tbf I moan about my toddler quite a lot, it’s hard and I’m knackered. So wouldn’t be surprised if the people I moan to without children are like “YAY FOR ME I DON’T HAVE KIDS”. I’m downright envious of childfree people atm.

People feel differently about things, I wouldn’t get offended. It would be rude to bang on about it though.

It's retaliation.

I have been told on MN that I can't have met the right person yet as if I had I'd want his babies. (I'm very happily married).

Women seem the worst for it too - my husband doesn't get half the judgement and comments than I do.

Teresa May when she was PM (don't like the woman) but the press were awful about her not having had kids (I think it was not by choice too). How on earth did it make any difference to her job?

The ageing population argument gets thrown about a lot (as it has on this thread). Should we just have exponential growth then?

One reason I'm chlidfree is the environment- yet parents don't want to accept that overpopulation is a huge issue. The tax and social structures around ageing populations won't matter one jot when the planet is on fire/flooded. Ovid is nothing in comparison to the future we face as a species. But I get told it's ok because as parents they recycle and I must enjoy multiple flights because of my shallow childfree lifestyle.

Teresa May when she was PM (don't like the woman) but the press were awful about her not having had kids (I think it was not by choice too). How on earth did it make any difference to her job?

Yes - when the party leadership contest was underway, one of her rivals said TM wouldn't make a good PM because, not having children, she wouldn't be invested in the future of the country. I believe she later apologised, but that was a shocking thing to come out with.

My taxes pay for people to have maternity care, give birth and then to send the kids to school at the moment.

This. And people with children tend to be nett takers from the social pot, while people without children tend to be nett contributors.

Wow, some of you have massive chips on your shoulders. Offended over nothing really. I suggest the issues are yours…