To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

@ElektraAbundance

Currently pregnant with my first.

But comments from colleagues with kids I've had over the years:

"Tired?! Wait until you have kids then you'll know tired!"

"You need a break? Try having 3 kids under 7 and then come back and tell me you need a break!"

"Oh I remember spending my weekends partying and sleeping till noon. Not a thing anymore"

"Enjoy these hot drinks whilst you can, once baby comes you'll forget most food and drinks come hot!"

"I've not watched a film till the end since before kids!"

"Trust me, when you have a child free day you'll want to catch up on sleep, not socialise"

Etc, etc, etc.

Parenthood is made out to be the most soul destroying burden thrust upon unsuspecting people. As if theh had no control or say in the matter.

@ElektraAbundance is spot on with this, I’m also pregnant with my first; waited a while to take that step and all I’ve had for the last ten years is these comments!! Even now I have passive aggressive female colleagues saying things like ‘oh I’m so happy for you at last’.. as if this has been some sort of public struggle! When o ask what they mean they refer to my age or being married for a few years… all personal choices I’ve happily made! I want to reply ‘I’ve waited so I earn more & it happened naturally pretty quick thanks’ but obvs you can’t 😆 It’s very rude and intrusive xo

@Sweetchocolatecandy I mentioned Facebook in my comment, but there's also Reddit, though a lot of comments get reported and removed there. I can invite you to groups which show examples if you're genuinely interested ("Aggressively child free" isn't just what I call it btw, it's a term, often shortened to ACF.)

@SecretSpAD No, I meant what I said. Enjoy your evening.

@Draineddraineddrained

I agree with PPS that it goes the other way a lot as well in life in general. What I do dislike is ostentatious child hatred or "thank fuck I don't have kids, how awful" on Mumsnet. I mean... And I know this has been done to death, but... It's Mumsnet. Not "every bloody woman" net or "generic platform" net. I do think there should be a basic assumption, not that all posters are mums, but at least that they don't consider motherhood to be some sort of wretched servile or irresponsible state to be looked down upon or censured. The number of child haters and anti-natalists on here always boggles my mind. I mean, why here?? Is there not Reddit?

Totally agree!

I mean... that's true there is Reddit for child haters...

There was a poster on here a while ago who said she deliberately came on here to look at threads where mums were struggling, as it made her feel better about her choice not to have DCs . But, t'is the internet. I could be a large man named Jeremy, claiming to be a mum, so 🤷‍♀️

What I don't understand is (and this has happened to me several times) a parent moans on for ages about how crap their life is, then ask me why I don't have children and get offended when I say it sounds a bit shit!

Definitely, the stupidest comment to childless / childfree people is to say it's selfish not to have them .

I can only imagine, it's a hangover from the already referenced, (by me), "lie back and think of England" days? Boak

Meh, let them live their lives and stop stressing. I love my kids but don’t like other peoples kids and Childfree people live in a society where children are almost expected so I’d leave them to talk their talk

I don't have kids, never wanted them and the looks I've been given by other women has taken me by surprise - like I'm some alien child eating demon...

If I didn't have kids I'd definitely brag about it.

@SecretSpAD

What I really hate is people who hate children for no reason 🙈 they seem to think that kids should never be in public places either. It's like they forgot they were kids previously.

I hated kids when I was one. Was hardly likely to change when I got older.

I did laugh at this! I didn't like kids when I was 8!!! 8! I decided I didn't want kids. I still think this is funny & I'm 45... 😆😆

As long as you don't mind me saying I fucking HATE 45 year olds uuuuuugh. Disgusting. Even when I am one I'll still hate them 🤣😹🤣😹🤣

@StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS

I mean... that's true there is Reddit for child haters...

There was a poster on here a while ago who said she deliberately came on here to look at threads where mums were struggling, as it made her feel better about her choice not to have DCs . But, t'is the internet. I could be a large man named Jeremy, claiming to be a mum, so 🤷‍♀️

And you’d have a lot of company.

I don’t feel I need to have my reproductive choices backed up either by hanging out online with people who throw about terms like ‘crotchdroppings’, ‘mombies’, and ‘snot goblins’ or people who declare you live in a loveless monochrome twilight until you have a child, or the doom-saying ‘You’ll never sneeze without wetting yourself/ finish a novel/ drink a hot cup of tea/have an unworried second again once you deliver the placenta” brigade.

@StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS The comments don't even stop even when you have children. I've been told that I'm selfish for not giving my child a sibling many times.

0 children - "When are you going to have kids/why don't you have them"
1 child - "when are you going to give them a sibling/you need another child or they'll be spoilt/lonely"
Only has boys - "when are you trying for a girl"
Only has girls - "when are you trying for a boy"
Has 3+ kids - "wow, creating your own football team??"

Etc etc etc......

I've heard this stops when you look like you're around menopause age (how can they tell, I have no idea)

No. Other people’s life choices are exactly that. Doesn’t affect us.

Ah fantastic roll on the menopause...happy times ahead...oh, wait. Bollocks.

I cannot really get worked up about this. I love dd but i can see why child free people are smug as they have more freedom/ money and opportunities. I would bot be without dd though.

@Hopdathelf

I think there should be a thread on site stuff listing all the non child related topics on MN and people can just be directed there. I’d be willing to bet the majority of the site is about the myriad things that occupy women beyond parenting (or the vast majority based on the sheer number of parking and wedding poem threads).

Sadly for some women life extends no further than children so they can’t conceive why someone might want to talk about other topics some of the time.

By the same token I might run up to people on the train tomorrow and demand to know why they’re reading Glamour magazine when they are decidedly dowdy.

Lol glamour mag

@Artdecolover

You only need to look at Japan and Italy to see what happens when birth rates drop

Do you think that all middle aged women should be sacrificing their own lives to care for very elderly people?

Staying home and not working to provide palliative care for dying relatives that have no quality of life?

I'll emphasise the WOMEN in that post.

Here it's MUMSnet, some PP should really consider who the majority audience is.

Can't they form NOTAMUMnet.com.
Or just f off to Reddit

@SecretSpAD

I,ah have been a child - but even then, I found children younger than me or the same age as me profoundly irritating.

Those feelings never left me. Children - those below the age of about 16 - still irritate the hell out of me and I don't enjoy, and actively avoid their company. My niece and nephew have been the exception to this, obviously (for those who remember me from other threads) but then, they were never young children, more like miniature adults.

And no, I'm not massively grateful that my parents had me. They had children because it was expected of them in that time and in their class. My father is pretty cool, but my mother was a toxic bitch.

Same.

I didn't enjoy being a child.

I love my parents but I think they would have been happier people without having children.

Not all parents are happier for it or good at it.

Sometimes extremely troubled adults are produced that require years of medication and therapy to live in this world without being destructive or miserable.

@GoldenPolden

Here it's MUMSnet, some PP should really consider who the majority audience is.

BINGO ding 🛎 🛎 🛎 🛎 🛎

If people don't want kids that's fine.
But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc?
It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work.
The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

I think you are being a little bit ridiculous here. We are never going to get to the stage where no-one has children, so there will always be another generation coming on to pay taxes. Plenty of people didn't have children in past generations because they were unable to - society didn't collapse!

The OP is so tone deaf.

I remember a woman I worked with years ago, constantly went on and on at me about how basically I was less of a woman because I didn't have children. This went on for months on end, eventually I had a dig back and the cheeky mare raised a grievance. I'd kept a diary of her bullshit so raised one in return. Guess which one got upheld I don't think she spoke to me again after that 🥳

Childfree people are starting to bitch back. I'm sick of having utter halfwits telling me I can't be tired because I don't have children. Seriously. How can anyone be so obtuse? How can anyone be so stupid?