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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I bathing my kids enough?

183 replies

StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:26

DD (7) and DS (5) both really dislike baths and showers. No idea why, DS even wears goggles in the shower!

Currently I force them to have a bath twice a week (with soap, hair wash and hosed down with the shower) is that enough?

They both have a clean set of school uniform each day and get their faces washed, bottoms wiped and teeth brushed twice a day.

To me they don’t smell but as their mum maybe I don’t notice?

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear. A quick face wash and teeth brush is all they’ll tolerate. Soon as we get home or guests leave they change back into PJs?!

If we have visitors or are going out I make them have an extra bath that morning (kicking and screaming and soaking the floor!)

WWYD?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/09/2021 11:31

Twice a week is probably enough but I'd make sure they washed everyday and not just their faces.

I'd also be a bit uncomfortable at how much they're dictating to you really. I mean yes, not getting dressed etc isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but they're only 5 and 7 and not really the ones in charge.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 13/09/2021 11:34

Twice a week is fine for baths at their ages.

They don't get to refuse to get dressed though, you're the parent, what you say, goes.

twelvefiftynine · 13/09/2021 11:35

I bathed mine more regularly but seemed to get grotty at school.

The refusing to get dressed thing is odd. You're the parent, if you say get dressed they need to get dressed.

JudgeRindersMinder · 13/09/2021 11:35

I don’t think twice a week is enough, especially with only a very minor wash in between.
I’d go every other day, and a proper strip wash on between days. (I don’t shower every day myself because of eczema) although I have a proper strip wash on the between days.
It’s as much about habit forming for the future in my mind

Flymeoutofhere · 13/09/2021 11:37

The bathing and washing is fine.

The refusing to get dressed etc is not ok. You are in charge and if you let them get away with this behaviour now just think how they will be running rings around you in the years to come.

purplesequins · 13/09/2021 11:37

at those ages twice weeklyis ok, but soon they will need a daily bath or shower to not end up the 'stinky kid'.

tbh it sounds like there are other issues at play (sensory, asd) that need to vbe addressed.

Abouttimemum · 13/09/2021 11:38

DS gets bathed all the time but he’s a constantly scruffy 2 year old.
I think twice a week as described is fine, with a proper wash over.
They don’t get to tell you what to do though, you’re in charge!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 11:38

Yy they should get dressed if you tell them to!

They should also be wiping their own bottoms, especially at 7.

BillyJoe111 · 13/09/2021 11:39

Ah, bathing is fine. My ds was the same.

Then he got to about 13 and wanted a shower everyday and took ages. He’s 19 now and would spend an hour in the bloody shower everyday if he could.

The getting dressed thing - no. You are the adult. If you tell them to get dressed, they get dressed. My seven year old dd can be a bit like that but I don’t stand for it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 11:39

My 7 yo does bath every day (bar a few odd days here and there) as a good transition from day to night.

However you mentioned showers - if they prefer showers that’s fine too.

LemonWeb · 13/09/2021 11:40

I have a 10yo with bad eczema who showers once a week. She doesn’t smell. Twice a week is fine provided they wash themselves when dirty.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 13/09/2021 11:40

The not getting dressed thing wouldn't bother me tbh..... We wear pjs in the house and get changed into them when we get in too. Theyre comfy.

I do think theyre a bit old for those sorts of dramas at bath times tho and leads me to wonder if there are other issues at play.

NotAnotherPylon · 13/09/2021 11:41

I have the same problem with my 9yo wanting to be in pyjamas all the time. Then I have to crack the whip to get him into his clothes when we're going out and he is ... like ... a ... snail. As soon as we get home, the onesie is back on in the blink of an eye. I blame all those bloody lockdowns!

My DC have usually bathed/showered 2 or 3 times a week. I did worry about what would happen when they got older and the need to shower every day was more pressing, but DS1 is 13 and is never out of the shower now - by choice. Never thought I'd see the day!!

IReallyCantThinkOfAnything · 13/09/2021 11:41

The bathing sounds fine to me, but you’re the parent and don’t allow yourself to be dictated to by your children. Take control and assert your position.

fabulous01 · 13/09/2021 11:42

Omg. Mins are bathed daily. They are so grubby as they are at club after school ..

mintdream · 13/09/2021 11:42

My DS(6) showers every alternate day but could stretch to three days really if he had to. I personally would add in one more bath day a week.

I’d say one of your DC is probably the leader in this behaviour and the other is following. I would have thought it’s a bit unusual for both DC to be so averse to bathing and dressing. I’d address this now - no TV/screens, reward chart etc until they are doing what they need to.

Have they actually said why they hate baths/showers? Maybe bath them separately?

YourFinestPantaloons · 13/09/2021 11:43

Mine now shower alone but I only would bath them when they started to smell Grin they had eczema though that would be flared up by warm water so I did avoid baths for a good reason

Original poster
StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:43

at those ages twice weeklyis ok, but soon they will need a daily bath or shower to not end up the 'stinky kid'

What age do they need daily baths?

The refusing to get dressed at weekends is tricky. If we’re not going out or having guests they don’t see the point and just say no. I’ve tried shouting at them, banning screen time and putting their clothes out but they still refuse. Any tips?

I’ll try a strip wash before school, thanks.

Think it may be sensory issues but once in the bath they’re happy playing until it’s hair wash time.

All their home clothes are super comfortable (mostly stretchy joggers/shorts/tees/cotton sweaters) so I’m puzzled why they insist on staying in PJs.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2021 11:44

I agree with others.
At their age they should be doing as you have asked. Unless there’s some SN that you’ve not mentioned?
There’s a lot of ‘refusing’ going on in your OP.
The washing is probably fine for the age they’re at right now but in a couple of years it’s not going to be good enough.
My eldest started needing to shower nearly every day when she was about 9 or she smelled of BO.
I think of almost daily showers as habit forming for when they are stinky teenagers.

Kanaloa · 13/09/2021 11:44

Wouldn’t be enough for me personally but if it suits you it suits you. I wouldn’t have a seven and five year old dictating to me that they wouldn’t get dressed or bathe though, or only ‘tolerating a quick wash.’ Also would not accept a seven and five year old kicking, screaming and soaking the place at bath time.

So yeah if you want to bathe them twice a week and have them in pj’s every day then that’s you’re prerogative, but it sounds like actually you’re just letting them run over you.

Mybalconyiscracking · 13/09/2021 11:45

I think you probably need to parent a bit harder. They shouldn’t be dictating when they get washed and dressed. Having said that, twice a week at their age is sufficient.

Kanaloa · 13/09/2021 11:45

*your prerogative

Original poster
StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:45

Maybe bath them separately?

Always bath them separately. Each bath has a shower over it but they don’t like the shower. I’ve even tried to get them to use our walk in shower in en-suite but apparently it’s ‘too scary!’

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 13/09/2021 11:46

Well you make them wash and dress the same as you make them do anything else. If you want them to do it, they don’t do anything else until it’s done. So you won’t allow them to play with toys, look at books, have breakfast until they are washed and dressed.

SoftSheen · 13/09/2021 11:48

Personally I would be insisting on showering or bathing daily (or at the very least, a proper wash) and putting on clean daytime clothes. If you don't get into this routine now, it will be harder to establish once they are 10/11, at which point they may start to get smelly. It only takes 5 minutes to have a quick shower...