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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I bathing my kids enough?

183 replies

StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:26

DD (7) and DS (5) both really dislike baths and showers. No idea why, DS even wears goggles in the shower!

Currently I force them to have a bath twice a week (with soap, hair wash and hosed down with the shower) is that enough?

They both have a clean set of school uniform each day and get their faces washed, bottoms wiped and teeth brushed twice a day.

To me they don’t smell but as their mum maybe I don’t notice?

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear. A quick face wash and teeth brush is all they’ll tolerate. Soon as we get home or guests leave they change back into PJs?!

If we have visitors or are going out I make them have an extra bath that morning (kicking and screaming and soaking the floor!)

WWYD?

OP posts:
Sunshinedrops85 · 13/09/2021 13:02

Maybe bath toys or bath crayons would help?

CeliaCeliaCelia · 13/09/2021 13:03

Astonished by the aggressive note of judgement here by many posters. Some people seem to have real difficulty distinguishing between their own preferences and the universal law of correct childrearing, "generally accepted in the UK" or whatever is absolute nonsense. As is obvious from the range of responses in this thread. Also love the way some posters taking the opportunity to have a pop at some other ways the OPs parenting might differ from theirs. No daily sport?! No weekend trip to the park?! God forbid.

toolazytothinkofausername · 13/09/2021 13:03

"At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors."

I'm the same Grin I walk around in a t-shirt and knickers.

DontStepOnTheMomeRathz · 13/09/2021 13:04

Astonished by the aggressive note of judgement here by many posters

Are you? I’m not. The obsessive competitive cleanliness on mumsnet is well known.

Strawbsaturno · 13/09/2021 13:04

@Wexone

Sorry also meant to say on the pyjama thing i personally dont get this. Our work did a huge project at beggining of Covid to help us work from home better, importance of routine, exercise, meantal health etc and one of the things they stressed was nit to wear your pyjamas all day every day. Getting dressed every day gives the signal to your brain every day that your day is starting and makes you feel more energized. It doesn't have to be fancy clothes, tracksuits, leggings hoodies whatever is comfortable for them to wear. Plus they are dressed then in case you do have to go out, like you might have to go out in a hurry or something or they want to play outside, This you can enforce
Yes to this 👏🏻 DD is rather inclined to sit in PJ’s all day so I have a time limit ie: no PJ’s after 12. She can wear leggings tracksuit etc, but it feels a bit scruffy to let her keep bed clothes on all day, and I feel it’s better for mental health too.
Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 13:05

Are they just trying to avoid stopping what they are doing? DS does this, but then won’t get out once he’s in because he’s too busy playing.

He is 4.5, and gets carried into the bathroom after 3 warnings. He either has a bath, or he stands up in the bathwater and has a flannel wash. Funnily enough once he’s standing in the water with bath toys in it he usually wants to sit down and play with them. If not, he can just have his flannel wash and get out again.

JellyNellie · 13/09/2021 13:05

I've four children between 7 and 1 I shower them six days a week and on a Sunday they all have a bath and the nit comb ect (my children are mixed race so only have there hair washed on a Sunday, with a cowash on a Wednesday) as for the pj's if where not going anywhere or no visitors we all put fresh pj's on in the morning? And chill in them for the day I also put my pj's on once I've come in from being out I don't see a problem with this?

TheOpen · 13/09/2021 13:06

Mine are 8 and 10, have always done Bath/shower every other day, but occasionally it slid a day here and there when they were 5 and 7 as long as not obviously muddy/sweaty.

I sometimes have to cajole the 10 year old as she is busy doing more 'fun' things, but we also have gentle but frank conversations about sweat & smells, she is more self aware as she is 10. Also bathing can take place until 8ish as she's up later than the 8 year old.

Agree with PPs saying maybe bath more but let the kids play in the bath (toys, bath bombs, plastic cups and jugs, Making 'potions' with empty bottles) mine bathed together until 7 and 9ish and this was part of play.

Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 13:06

And yes he also resists clothes, which we have sorted by booking him in for things mid-morning on the weekends. Can’t go to swimming lessons in his PJs, so he has to get dressed.

Fink · 13/09/2021 13:06

Twice a week bath & shower is acceptable, if that's all they will do without creating a huge fuss. But I would insist on a strip wash once a day too, not just faces and visible bits.

For not getting dressed, in our house you don't get breakfast (or any other meal) until you're washed and dressed. Sometimes people go hungry, usually they learn to get dressed.

RedToothBrush · 13/09/2021 13:07

@purplesequins

at those ages twice weeklyis ok, but soon they will need a daily bath or shower to not end up the 'stinky kid'.

tbh it sounds like there are other issues at play (sensory, asd) that need to vbe addressed.

Erm no.

Kids and adults don't all need to bath daily. Some do. But some really don't need to and don't turn into stinking animals contrary to popular opinion.

We have an obsession with washing, to a level which is actually unhealthy. Lots of science on this about how washing too much makes a stinky problem worse not better.

Sunday night only when we were kids.

and

When I was little we one had one bath a week on the weekends.

Thank god for these two comments. I do wonder how many of us got to the grand old age we are, since bathing daily was never a 'thing'.

Deodrant use to tackle stinkiness seems to be underrated on this thread.

Besides, the younger generation need to save the planet and get used to using less water, because the cost of being able to do so is going to go skywards. We should all be taking less showers and embracing stinkiness!

Twice a week is absoluetely fine. I think those who insist on their primary age kids being bathed daily are frankly neurotic. There are few kids that age where this really is necessary.

cloudacious · 13/09/2021 13:07

Are you sure there are no additional needs?

I don't want to say they're walking all over you if they need assessing. Otherwise... I'm afraid they are.

DontStepOnTheMomeRathz · 13/09/2021 13:08

Are they just trying to avoid stopping what they are doing?

Pretty much. They’re busy playing. They’re tired after busy days. They want down time and cant be doing with being herded into the bath.

They’re fine once in the bath because they play (and it can be a pain getting them back out again!). So that is slightly easier (but takes longer overall than showers). They don’t like showers because they can’t really play (but sometimes they are just necessary because they’re so much faster)

RahRahRa · 13/09/2021 13:08

Mine all have a bath or shower once a day, something that I also had to do as a child so I suppose it’s a habit now. That said, I don’t see much wrong with bathing a couple of times a week if they’re washing properly in between….it is difficult to wash bums thoroughly with a flannel though 🙈

Bimblybomeyelash · 13/09/2021 13:09

My two are the same age. The youngest bathes every day and the eldest sometimes misses a day. I think their bums need washing more than twice a week tbh! Both of mine HATE hair washing so I only really do
that once a week. But kids hair doesn’t get greasy in the same way that adults does. My eldest also loves his pjs and would happily stay in them all day, and he moans and stomps when told to get properly dressed, but I just insist that he does. He also
Moans about brushing his teeth but I of course make him do that too.

cloudacious · 13/09/2021 13:10

Also, you're setting them up for a sedentary life. My children are dressed so they can get outside and have fun. Yours won't get outside because there are too many obstacles in the way.

I would take screens away and introduce a no breakfast or treats unless you're in day clothes rule and make sure they get into a routine of being outside before eleven on weekends.

eddiemairswife · 13/09/2021 13:11

In all my years I have never been physically active enough to get sweaty. Apart from sweltering summer days, when a have to go in the kitchen to refill my gin glass.

DontStepOnTheMomeRathz · 13/09/2021 13:11

Get dressed or STARVE

Grin
Milkbottlelegs · 13/09/2021 13:11

I don’t think the frequency at that age is a problem. My kids tend to get filthy so they need a bath or shower more often.

But I would be concerned that if the reluctance does not get dealt with it will only get worse and will become a problem as they get older and start to naturally smell more.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 13/09/2021 13:12

No weekend trip to the park?! God forbid

Daily exposure to outdoor light and some exercise in the broadest sense (not just sport - scooter, walking, cycling, anything) is really important for mental and physical health. The odd pyjama day as an occasional treat is one thing, but the OP must be having many days when the kids don't go out - otherwise them not getting dressed wouldn't be an issue. Also, most 5 and 7 year olds would be climbing the walls without the chance to burn off some energy, unless plugged into screens all day. The OP might find it easier to parent them if they had had some exercise.

cloudacious · 13/09/2021 13:14

Daily exposure to outdoor light and some exercise in the broadest sense (not just sport - scooter, walking, cycling, anything) is really important for mental and physical health.

It really is the basics of parenting.

Alcemeg · 13/09/2021 13:16

When I was a kid, in the 60s, we all took a bath about once a week. It seemed perfectly normal back then, and probably suited the logistics of a family of five with one small bathroom. I think personal hygiene standards have shot up in the past few decades, probably since showers were introduced.

randomlyLostInWales · 13/09/2021 13:19

At 7 and 5 that's fine - it's once puberty hits they'll need more so depends on the child and what they are doing.

Think it may be sensory issues but once in the bath they’re happy playing until it’s hair wash time.

I suspect it was why we had this issue as well - got better with older ones when they decided to shower much more rathe rthan have a bath. Youngest has stuck with baths - and I do have to check she actually washed her hair not just got it wetHmm.

At that age making baths fun is still an option but I think twice a week is fine till later primary Y5/Y6 or even later depending on the child.

Plus they do often suddenly switch to lots of showering in teen years.

Pythonesque · 13/09/2021 13:24

Sorry if I'm duplicating, but I'd say that for most children, hairwashing once a week is fine until puberty. I liked the suggestion by a PP of allowing a child to stand in the bath for a flannel wash if they "don't want a bath"; this might well normalise things.

Stripyhoglets · 13/09/2021 13:25

Twice a week.is fine. Use a flannel for a butt wash everyday day.
Sounds like a sensory thing.