Am I bathing my kids enough?

[StrangeToSee]

DD (7) and DS (5) both really dislike baths and showers. No idea why, DS even wears goggles in the shower!

Currently I force them to have a bath twice a week (with soap, hair wash and hosed down with the shower) is that enough?

They both have a clean set of school uniform each day and get their faces washed, bottoms wiped and teeth brushed twice a day.

To me they don’t smell but as their mum maybe I don’t notice?

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear. A quick face wash and teeth brush is all they’ll tolerate. Soon as we get home or guests leave they change back into PJs?!

If we have visitors or are going out I make them have an extra bath that morning (kicking and screaming and soaking the floor!)

WWYD?

I think twice a week is fine but that's not really the issue you're the parent and they should be doing as you ask (not aways possible first time or every time but most of the time)

It’s not enough, no

You’re the boss OP, make them get on with it

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning

My 12yr DS still only has a bath twice a week and wears clean pants and socks daily but otherwise, the same uniform all week to school, unless it’s obviously dirty.

I think some people are far too paranoid about personal hygiene and happy to waste water.

Wow...my ds is 13...he's absolutely reek if he only had a bath twice a week and wore the same uniform. His shirts need washing every day. He has a shower every morning and fresh uniform.

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning

My 12yr DS still only has a bath twice a week and wears clean pants and socks daily but otherwise, the same uniform all week to school, unless it’s obviously dirty.

I think some people are far too paranoid about personal hygiene and happy to waste water.

Surely at 12 they get sweaty during exercise?

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning

My 12yr DS still only has a bath twice a week and wears clean pants and socks daily but otherwise, the same uniform all week to school, unless it’s obviously dirty.

I think some people are far too paranoid about personal hygiene and happy to waste water.

Teenagers especially boys have their own funky smell. Surely he's stinking

You're doing fine, relax, try to give them as much ownership as you can of their habits and bodies. They will naturally change as they age anyway.

2 kids with ASD here and bath time is like a form of torture in this house. They're bathed twice a week and hosed down with the shower in between if I think they need it, whether they like it or not. They're totally fine once they're playing in the bath of course, it's the washing their body and washing hair part that they don't like. Getting dressed everyday is non negotiable and the alternative to them not dressing themselves, is me getting them dressed! They soon do it themselves We allow a pyjama day on a Sunday if we have no plans. Twice a week is fine for bathing imo, as long as you're chucking in an extra wash as and when needed.

My nearly 5 year old DD’s been similar for the past 18 months- hates the idea of a bath (though plays for ages once in) and would happily wear PJs or nothing all day. I know it’s an annoying answer but I think just standing your ground and being consistent is the only thing to do. DD has a bath 4 or 5 times a week, she still grumbles about it, but she knows I’ll not give in, so it’s generally short lived whinging. For my part I know now to give her a 5 or 10 minute warning so she can finish a game or whatever first.

Same with getting dressed- we’ve had huge tantrums about it in the past, and that phase seemed to last forever, but we always stayed calm but firm (well usually stayed calm!!)- you have to get dressed, we’re not going to play/watch TV/ do anything fun for the day until you do. Never did rewards- just of the attitude that getting dressed is a very basic daily requirement and it’s our job as parents to teach her that. Now she’ll still often say ‘I don’t WANT to get dressed, it’s not FAIR’, but go and do it anyway as she knows there’s just no point in arguing, and she sometime now just gets dressed without being told, so hopefully we’re getting there, but I think it just takes consistency and time. I guess that wasn’t exactly your question- I think twice a week bathing isn’t quite enough, I think every other day at least would be better, but fundamentally you should determine that time interval based on how often you think they need it, not based on what they want.

My 12yr DS still only has a bath twice a week and wears clean pants and socks daily but otherwise, the same uniform all week to school, unless it’s obviously dirty.

Trousers and jumper I can understand (although I’m still amazed a 12 year old can go a whole week without getting one of them dirty). But the collars of his shirts must be grim as anything by Friday.

OP says they get dressed if they are going out or having visitors, NOT that they stay home all the time because they aren't dressed.

@Thethreecs

Awww I'm smiling at the goggles, because one of mine was the same, he even one time tried to bring a snorkel in with him.

Out of my 5, and they're all different, the one thing they all hated was the shower, they were all afraid of it. So I knocked that on the head.

For the bath, my goggle wearer, a tip a swimming instructor showed me was to fill a plastic cup, pour small amounts on their hand, then their arm, then their shoulder, then the side of the face avoiding eyes. Do it slowly, tell them what you are about to do, it takes a good few times to build up the trust. Then for washing hair, I would wet a face cloth, wring out slightly, rub over hair, small amount of shampoo, Johnson and Johnson no tears was best wash hair gently, then fill cup but only pour down back of hair, then slowly do each side, you will have built up trust pouring on sides of face, if they're still nervous with the sides, what I did was soak face cloth, wring out and rub out shampoo on top of head and sides, it takes a few times but they will be calm. I gave a dry face cloth or small hand towel for them to hold against eyes and had a dry towel beside me to keep wiping their face dry. It can be a little longer to do bath but so worth it. I made sure they had plenty of bath toys, things that strick to the sides, bubble machines you name it, or even just a few empty bottles or cups they will enjoy too.

It's fairly common and I wouldn't worry about it, they'll change every year, they'll start enjoying baths around 10,then they won't wash through pre teens and then they'll hit 17/18 and you'll never get in the bathroom as they'll be on their 5th shower of the day lol

As for lounge wear, mine always wore either tracksuits or casual lounge wear. They never sat fully dressed in jeans or dresses socks and shoes and jumpers etc, sure I do it myself, I don't like pj's as they make me feel like I'm ill, so wear leggings and t-shirt when hanging around. You could bring them to penny's /primark and pick up some casual bits that don't look like they're in pj's, they're at a good age to start this. It's not too late. I just got mine into the habit when very young that they had to be out of pj's before coming downstairs.

With regards to the amount of baths, that's fine. If you think back to your own childhood and I'm not sure your age but kids didn't have nightly baths. The handbasin was filled and we washed from head to toe, I'm an expert still at lifting my feet up into a handbasin lol

You're doing great, do what works for you and just put plenty of towels covering the bathroom floor for bath time, forget the shower and leave that till they're older.

This sounds like great advice, and a very nice supportive tone compared to some other posters! My dcs hated the shower as well when they were a similar age. Sometimes letting them hold the shower hose helped but really baths were far easier if a bit more of a faff. I did an every other day routine as it was easier to keep track! They gradually migrated to the shower when they were c.8 or 9. One really hated hair washing and I just had to be gentle, and gradual, and allow them hold a cup to rinse their hair with etc. One has sensory issues and still has problems having their hair cut, but as a young teen showers very happily every day now - though has to be reminded and nagged to put on deodorant. In terms of pjs - it's easy for others to say you need to dictate to them but if they're really upset I can see how you might let it go. I think that as others said maybe the way to tackle it is to have a fixed routine - maybe getting dressed directly before or after breakfast - no playing, no screens etc until everyone is dressed. Best of luck with it.

Awww I'm smiling at the goggles, because one of mine was the same, he even one time tried to bring a snorkel in with him

Mine does that! But he does it because he likes swimming underwater

It's not sensory if they are happy once in it.
Sensory is when they are in it after being forced too and screaming the house down during the whole process like the water is killing them.

But YABNU I allow mine to walk around in his undies if we are doing anything/seeing anyone. I would maybe try and get one more shower/bath in though.

They are clean enough, but there's far too much refusing going on.

You're not doing the kids any favours by allowing them to dictate to you; that cheeky/non co-operative attitude won't wash in school or at their friends houses, or any child social activities like sports, brownies /cubs etc.

@Changechangychange

Awww I'm smiling at the goggles, because one of mine was the same, he even one time tried to bring a snorkel in with him

Mine does that! But he does it because he likes swimming underwater

Lol Mine was convinced he would breath better wearing it and wouldn't feel the water on his face.

@justmaybenot
Thank you so much for your lovely comments .

It sounds like they’re running rings around you dictating what they will and won’t do.

My children were bathed every night from birth as part of their evening routine. It might be fine at the moment to only have a couple of baths a week but it definitely won’t be once they start puberty and start stinking. You’re making a rod for your own back by letting them have their own way about this.

I don't think it's enough sorry.

I bathe my children everyday. No skin issues, no problems. Both have amazing glowy skin.

I shower everyday so does my husband.

I think it's quite revolting not too... but I can understand adults who showers every other day if they are not exercising etc.

At those ages I would think a quick shower every night should be done tbh

I think twice a week is fine. I don't get people washing every day, it's a waste of water and bad for your skin. I think it's made up by the people who make soaps and moisturisers.

And if they're not going anywhere why do they need to get dressed, just a waste of washing clothes and be less comfortable for no reason. Except you said so and you're the boss.

Bathing every day is a relatively new thing. In my childhood it was Sunday evening..then hands and face during the week...my own DC it tended to be daily as part of bedtime routine...but eldest DC didn't like it until he was a teenager..and had discovered girls! Unless they are filthy or smell I wouldn't stress..

As many people have said, having a bath twice a week is on the low side frequency wise but not outlandish - as a quick google will show, the usual guidelines are 2-3 times a week:

health.clevelandclinic.org/how-often-should-your-kids-take-a-bath-or-shower/
www.aad.org/public/parents-kids/healthy-habits/parents/bath-often
metro.co.uk/2021/08/17/how-often-should-you-bathe-your-children-15100573/

Thethreecs You're welcome! You clearly have a lot of experience and are trying to be very helpful to the OP, I love to see that

It sounds like they are a bit scared of it all. My DD is a bit like this. She showers 1 x week, twice if doing PE or something creating visible dirt. She smells fine and her hair is lovely. Use a jug in the bath & flannel over eyes or get them to lie back in shallow water. I think at 7 just asking them to bath by themselves without fuss or some removal of treats/nice stuff works well. Eg/ Have a bath or you can’t have x tomorrow. You only have to have a quick wash.

Perhaps take them to shops and get some nice bath bombs.

My issue is that if they are refusing baths/getting dressed now- you will have a issue when they become older. To me, I couldn't do it, the sweat, they build up whilst sleeping, I also wouldn't feel
Comfortable in myself if my children didn't have their baths. It also helps with routine and make you feel fresh-ready to start the new day.

And if they're not going anywhere why do they need to get dressed, just a waste of washing clothes and be less comfortable for no reason

I disagree that there's no ready to get dressed. Even if you're not going out, it creates a psychological difference between being awake and asleep. Sitting all day in pjs can make you depressed and sluggish

Have you tried lowering the showerhead on rail to its lowest position, it is not as bad when it isn't on their head, also put on a gentle setting and point the water spray away from them. To start with they can stand on the shower tray, get their body wet bit by bit, step away from water and wash with a soapy sponge then put bits of body back in to rinse. Hair doesn't need done every day unit they start sweating more. They can wash face with a wet flannel (no soap) in the shower until they get used to water on their faces. Bribing and praise works wonders. Or maybe make it a game and time a strip wash vs a quick shower and let them choose

Great ideas, thanks.

I guess I should encourage more fun baths with no hair washing. Think they associate baths with water in their faces and shampoo in their eyes (I try to get them to tilt heads back to rinse but they normally sit up before I’ve finished).

Youngest wears goggles to keep shampoo out of his eyes but still fears the shower, I’ll lower the setting and bring it down.