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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I bathing my kids enough?

183 replies

StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:26

DD (7) and DS (5) both really dislike baths and showers. No idea why, DS even wears goggles in the shower!

Currently I force them to have a bath twice a week (with soap, hair wash and hosed down with the shower) is that enough?

They both have a clean set of school uniform each day and get their faces washed, bottoms wiped and teeth brushed twice a day.

To me they don’t smell but as their mum maybe I don’t notice?

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear. A quick face wash and teeth brush is all they’ll tolerate. Soon as we get home or guests leave they change back into PJs?!

If we have visitors or are going out I make them have an extra bath that morning (kicking and screaming and soaking the floor!)

WWYD?

OP posts:
DancyNancy · 13/09/2021 12:12

@VestaTilley

I’d increase it now - otherwise when they’re teenagers and/or leave home they’ll smell dreadfully- and other people WILL notice.

It’ll be too late by then to change habits, and they’ll be too big for you to “make” them wash.

Do they have sensory issues? Afraid of water? Try very shallow baths - but you do need to increase it, and make sure they dress properly every day, regardless of whether or not you have plans - otherwise they’ll face a lifetime of challenges as an adult. Frequent bathing is a basic life skill.

It needs to be upped to at least every other day, and every day once periods and puberty kick in.

A lifetime of challenges if they don't bath and get dressed every single day at age 5 and 7....Confused
Kanaloa · 13/09/2021 12:13

There is a balance between daily bathing and twice a week with ‘face and bottom wiping’ in between. I personally just don’t think twice a week is enough. I accept every other day would be fine.

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2021 12:13

The refusing to get dressed at weekends is tricky. If we’re not going out or having guests they don’t see the point and just say no. I’ve tried shouting at them, banning screen time and putting their clothes out but they still refuse. Any tips?

Shouting never really helps (you'll just get yourself stressed) and banning screen time obviously doesn't bother them so you'll have to think of something that will bother them.

What would you do if they refused to brush their teeth? Have a think about it and maybe try that.

Kanaloa · 13/09/2021 12:13

And the getting dressed, it isn’t as much that they don’t get dressed - mine like a pj day. It’s that they just ‘refuse’ to and op is helpless to make them do anything.

Planty13 · 13/09/2021 12:14

@ UniBallEye face wash and regular hand washing is fine in between. Maybe a damp flannel.

caringcarer · 13/09/2021 12:14

I think every.other day is minimum.

furbabymama87 · 13/09/2021 12:15

Not enough. You could probably get away with every 2 days at a push but every day would be better. Kids get grubby and my 8 year old has started smelling of BO at the the end of the day so needs a daily bath. Your kids will smell, you just don't notice.

Comedycook · 13/09/2021 12:16

A lifetime of challenges if they don't bath and get dressed every single day at age 5 and 7

Well certainly a teenagehood of nagging them to wash so they don't smell

UniBallEye · 13/09/2021 12:19

@Planty13 I disagree. It's not enough and kids do smell.
When my dc were little and had friends over it was very evident at times that some of the kids were simply not washed enough. And the kids don't even know it.

Strawbsaturno · 13/09/2021 12:21

My opinion is it’s not enough, try to aim for every other day (at first). They will most likely be a bit sticky and grubby and it will become a problem when they reach puberty.
Have you ever smelled a classroom after a bunch of older primary kids have done PE? It’s not pleasant !!
It’s a good point that you may be nose blind to your own kids.

Thethingswedoforlove · 13/09/2021 12:24

Do you have to wash hair every time they have a bath?
Mine were bathed 5ish times a week when that age but only hair washed once a week. Maybe that would result in fewer battles? And re clothes- give them a choice between outfits but definitely you need to change the
Balance so you are in charge …. And mine started to smell from the age of arojnd 6!

Lachimolala · 13/09/2021 12:24

My 2 and 4 generally have a bath 3 times a week and we do a face, bits and pits type thing with flannels on the other days. My eldest is 10 and stinks if he doesn’t shower every night!

I’d say the bathing is fine but the dictating whether to get dressed or not is daft and I’d be nipping that in the bud ASAP if you can.

Goldbar · 13/09/2021 12:25

WWYD... honestly, OP, I'd stop letting them run the show.

All of this is probably just about ok...I think every other day is fine for baths, twice a week is pushing it a bit but not awful if they wash in between. Also, we don't necessarily get dressed at weekends until we're going out... one of the joys of weekends for us is lazing around in PJs eating pastries and scrambled eggs.

But they seem to be pushing you about in your own home quite a lot Confused. You're the adult, you get to set the routine for your young children. And if they don't cooperate, find things they like and take them away until they do.

CoronaLightSweet · 13/09/2021 12:25

Haven’t looked at all the comments so sorry if I’m echoing someone else, but could you maybe try to include it in the bedtime routine? I have an 8,5,4,2 and 6month old, the older 4’s routine is tea, then they can play while I get the bath/towels/pyjamas ready, stick the 2,4&5 year olds in, get them out while I’m drying/dressing them 8 year old gets a shower, then it’s teeth, bed, book and sleep! It helps to transition them from day time to night time in my eyes. In regards to the pyjamas I’d tell them I needed to wash them so hurry up and get dressed so I can get the machine on, and make sure your telling them, not asking them x

Planty13 · 13/09/2021 12:27

But you have no idea how much they actually washed, no? @UniBallEye some kids are just smellier than others regardless. Some kids don’t smell at all.

flibberyjibbery8 · 13/09/2021 12:29

My three are 9, 5 and 6 and they moan every time we have a shower but prefer baths. Only the 9yo stays in it any significant length of time though. I tell them they can chill on tech afterwards until bedtime (usually about half an hour) and that works for us. It was the hair washing that upset them, i taught my younger two to put their heads back into the bath and i would gently wash their hair like that. Maybe this is their problem with avoiding it?

PinkPlantCase · 13/09/2021 12:29

I think daily baths for children is excessive, a bit of dirt is good for the immune system and less soap is better for their skin.

Imo stinky 11 year olds is more about them not using deodorant than not washing. You wouldn’t make a 5yo use deodorant because they’ll need to when they’re older so I don’t see why the same logic is applied to baths.

The bathing is fine OP but others are are right about the lack of discipline.

LittleMysSister · 13/09/2021 12:30

I think the washing is OK, although at their ages I wouldn't expect them to be kicking up such a fuss about going in the bath or shower.

But I would buy them some 'lounge' clothes that they need to change into in the morning, so they're still comfy for chilling but aren't the clothes they've been wearing all night, then all day, then all night again...especially if they refuse to wash!

Wexone · 13/09/2021 12:31

I would think depending on their activity every other day is fine for baths. But i am sorry they are at an age where you are the boss and what you say goes. So what do you feel is a good routine?

ThePotatoCroquette · 13/09/2021 12:32

It's probably bathing them enough technically, like they're not going to have any adverse effects from not being bathed more like infections or whatever, but it isn't to the general hygiene standard we expect in the UK. Which is daily for adults and teens, and a minimum of every other day for school age children (but also usually daily).

steppemum · 13/09/2021 12:32

several things strike me.

  1. if a bath/shower always involves hair washing, it is stressful. There shoudl be some baths with are just washing, no hair.
  2. Water play is the way to go. get bath toys/bubbles etc and encourage them to play in the water. sit with them and have fun. If you use something like E45 bubbles, it is great for the skin and cleans them, so no need to soap down.
  3. clothes. They sound as if 'real' clothes are uncomfortable and there are sensory issue. Find soft tracksuits and T- shirts, ones that are clothes, but are soft and comfy. That is their day wear at the weekend.
  4. sensory issues. If you think there is an issue there, have a step back and think if there are other issues too. If this is part of a wider picture, then don't worry about the washing so much as addressing the wider issues.
ShippingNews · 13/09/2021 12:33

@Kanaloa

Well you make them wash and dress the same as you make them do anything else. If you want them to do it, they don’t do anything else until it’s done. So you won’t allow them to play with toys, look at books, have breakfast until they are washed and dressed.
I agree with this. If they are refusing so many things at 5 and 7, and you are letting them, you're making a rod for your own back. It'll be a lot harder to change their habits when they are older.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 13/09/2021 12:33

The refusing to get dressed at weekends is tricky. If we’re not going out or having guests they don’t see the point and just say no. I’ve tried shouting at them, banning screen time and putting their clothes out but they still refuse. Any tips?

You need to assert your authority now, or you will have a nightmare when they are a bit older. I wouldn't allow them out of their rooms (except to use the loo) or give them breakfast till they are dressed - and no screens in the rooms, either.

Also, how common is it for you not to go out at all on a weekend day? They really should be having some fresh air and exercise daily, even if it's just a walk to the park.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/09/2021 12:34

I think it's fine at this age but soon the older one will need to bathe / shower more often. I have a 7yo and a 9yo. This year, my 9yo has started to smell if she doesn't bathe often enough, so she bathes min every 2-3 days.

I would increase it gradually and have fixed bath nights if that helps. Maybe let them choose the night or if it's a shower / bath?

My 7yo likes the walk in shower but my 9yo prefers the shower in the bath - we let them choose and get them to do it as independently as possible.

3luckystars · 13/09/2021 12:34

Plenty.