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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I bathing my kids enough?

183 replies

StrangeToSee · 13/09/2021 11:26

DD (7) and DS (5) both really dislike baths and showers. No idea why, DS even wears goggles in the shower!

Currently I force them to have a bath twice a week (with soap, hair wash and hosed down with the shower) is that enough?

They both have a clean set of school uniform each day and get their faces washed, bottoms wiped and teeth brushed twice a day.

To me they don’t smell but as their mum maybe I don’t notice?

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear. A quick face wash and teeth brush is all they’ll tolerate. Soon as we get home or guests leave they change back into PJs?!

If we have visitors or are going out I make them have an extra bath that morning (kicking and screaming and soaking the floor!)

WWYD?

OP posts:
BillyJoe111 · 13/09/2021 11:49

I think of almost daily showers as habit forming for when they are stinky teenagers

Ds is 19 now, all the parents I knew when he was little would moan about how the kids hated baths/showers.

Then when they got to 12/13, all anyone could moan about was that one day it flipped and they couldn’t get them out of the shower. A few with only one loo in the house like me were always moaning about bashing on the bathroom door after half an hour!

They all get there in the end. It’s not something i’d lose sleep over.

UniBallEye · 13/09/2021 11:50

We bathed dc every night barring the odd occasion of illness / out late etc

I couldn't bear to put them to bed grubby and they always were after a day running about / playing / eating etc

It was far easier to stick them in the bath with a bunch of toys and let them splash about for 15 mins each evening thane messing about trying to wash them properly in the sink.

We have teens now who shower every evening during the week and mornings at weekend and we've never, ever had any issues with their skin etc. We used Moo Goo a lot when they were little and they use body shop stuff now

I would wash them more OP to get them used to it because when they reach puberty you will NEED them to wash more and they need to be used to it/

I've come across far too many smelly kids in my time - oily smelling hair is gross!

namechange786578 · 13/09/2021 11:50

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear.

Good grief OP get a backbone, don't pander to them like that, you're the parent, tell them to get dressed!!!!!

VestaTilley · 13/09/2021 11:51

I’d increase it now - otherwise when they’re teenagers and/or leave home they’ll smell dreadfully- and other people WILL notice.

It’ll be too late by then to change habits, and they’ll be too big for you to “make” them wash.

Do they have sensory issues? Afraid of water? Try very shallow baths - but you do need to increase it, and make sure they dress properly every day, regardless of whether or not you have plans - otherwise they’ll face a lifetime of challenges as an adult. Frequent bathing is a basic life skill.

It needs to be upped to at least every other day, and every day once periods and puberty kick in.

UniBallEye · 13/09/2021 11:52

I 100% agree with your observation that mums (parents) don't notice that their kids don't smell fresh! You're too used to it and can be nose blind but others can smell them

TwoLeftElbows · 13/09/2021 11:54

Some of them start to get smelly around Y5.

We used to have a rule of no lunch til they were dressed. Wouldn"t work on all kids, nothing ever does.

Hattie765 · 13/09/2021 11:56

We usually do 3 as it's such a struggle, you're not on your own! We do give them a good clean down with soap and water in the evenings there's no bath though. My in laws are disgusted by this so it's lucky I couldn't give a shit 😂😂

nokidshere · 13/09/2021 11:56

At weekends and holidays both refuse to get dressed unless we’re going out or have visitors. So I’ve ensured they have plain pjs that pass as loungewear.

What's wrong with being in pjs in the house if there are no plans to go out or visitors? Plenty of adults do this, they just call it loungewear instead. Certainly not worth causing angst over. My two spent half their indoor lives at that age in just their underpants!

Nothing wrong at their ages with bathing a few times a week, just make those times compulsory. As a pp said, it won't be long before they are hogging the shower and you will be nagging them to get out.

Topseyt · 13/09/2021 11:59

Mine were always bathed daily, right from when they were newborns. Every evening before bed. It was just the routine and they never questioned it. Of course there was the odd tantrum, but I always just ignored those and got on with what I had said was happening, whether they liked it or not.

You seem to be letting them dictate a lot. They get dressed in the morning or they do or get nothing else. And I mean nothing. No TV, no books, no breakfast, no tablets or screen time until they have.

Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2021 11:59

If you’re at home I don’t think it’s an issue if they stay in pjs.
I do think it’s an issue if you wanted them to get dressed and they’ve refused and that was it…..

VestaTilley · 13/09/2021 11:59

Just saw your reply, OP.

If you think there are sensory issues involved have you sought a diagnosis? That needs doing quite urgently to ensure they get any extra help at school or other assistance they may be entitled to.

You asked when do they need daily baths: our 2 year old is bathed daily before bed, and has been since his umbilical cord stub fell off at 2 weeks old! We’ve only missed bath time 2 or 3 times in all that time when we’ve been home very late etc.

A daily bath is a great routine for children and helps them sleep better as they’re not grubby and sticky. As I said before, you need to get them in this habit before you end up with smelly teenagers.

BananaPB · 13/09/2021 12:00

If they are happy until the hair wash then bathe them every other day but let them play in the bath (no hair wash) on some of those occasions. If they can't wipe their bum yet (why?) then perhaps daily baths with hair washing on fixed days is the answer.

Why are they ruling the roost on clothes? If they are like this at 5 and 7, how are you going to cope with teens and they refuse to do homework or insist on wearing makeup to school etc ?

HavfrueDenizKisi · 13/09/2021 12:01

Hmm sorry I think twice a week is not enough.

Mine have been daily from birth.

Never understood how you can teach them twice a week is ok then suddenly expect them to shower daily when they 'smell' at some arbitrary age.

Anyway here follows the 'my kids have eczema so must only be bathed twice a year' disclaimer: one of mine had bad eczema, under a paediatric allergist, who said it was essential to wash her daily.

On a completely different point though, why on earth are you letting a 5 and 7 year old dictate the rules/routine?

rainbowandglitter · 13/09/2021 12:03

Do they not do sport everyday? A shower or bath is a must after sweaty sport

knittingaddict · 13/09/2021 12:03

I'm interested to know if there are other things your children refuse to do or if it's just this one thing. Knowing children it won't be just this. How do you ensure that they do the other things?

I'm both a mother and a grandmother and pyjama days are fine. I quite like them myself. However if you want them to get dressed then they should. No questions asked.

When mine were little a bath was part of their wind down bedtime routine. Has it never been like this for you? They won't need a bath everyday for cleanliness purposes, but a night time bath has other reasons for doing it. Both my children and my grandchildren bathed together and it was a fun activity as well. Why don't yours bath together?

knittingaddict · 13/09/2021 12:04

@rainbowandglitter

Do they not do sport everyday? A shower or bath is a must after sweaty sport
Oh please. Hmm
Comedycook · 13/09/2021 12:04

Honestly I think it's a bit grim. Not too bad for babies or little ones but I think once they're at school, they seem to get really grubby. Mine always came home with what I call the smell of mass catering on them. Also they're not far off the age where they'll be starting to get a bit whiffy. My dd smelt of body odour from age 8 on hot days. I think getting them into good habits early will make the teen years easier. My ds is 13 and just in the habit now of getting up for school and getting straight in the shower

Rainbowhermit · 13/09/2021 12:05

Since when did everyone need a daily bath/shower? Once past babyhood it was once a week when I was growing up. Think this might be a first world issue.
I also wonder if sensory issues are at play here. Are there any other indicators eg having to cut labels out of clothes, not liking long sleeves? Both mine are on the autistic spectrum and there have been multiple issues like this. Pick your battles - there are more important things than whether you get dressed at the weekend, or have a daily shower.

Joystir59 · 13/09/2021 12:06

That plenty enough. When I was a child we had one bath a week which we all shared!!!!

Stircraazy · 13/09/2021 12:06

Have they learnt or are learning to swim?

Fraine · 13/09/2021 12:07

@rainbowandglitter

Do they not do sport everyday? A shower or bath is a must after sweaty sport
We didn’t do sport every day.
Planty13 · 13/09/2021 12:08

The bathing is fine. Everyday can be quite drying to kids skin, we do every two days as my kids have eczema.

If I tell my kids to get dressed, they get dressed. I don’t mind a pj day now and then but not all the time.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 13/09/2021 12:10

The washing amount is fine.
Personally I think it's a bad habit not to get dressed. The occasional "pyjama day" I understand, but not all weekend. You may need to be more assertive OP - you are the parent and you make the decisions.

UniBallEye · 13/09/2021 12:10

I'm sorry @knittingaddict - at 5 & 7 they absolutely do need to be bathed daily for hygiene purposes!

Young children are not always as scrupulous about wiping their bums after using the toilet. They generally race about the place at speed getting hot and sweaty, they throw themselves on the floor and roll about. They're not always the neatest at eating and end up with sticky, grubby hands and hand washing is generally not their forte!

They pick their noses, scratch their bums, play with their willies, dig in the grass with their bare hands, wipe their noses with their arms, wipe food across their faces, let pets lick them etc etc etc

A nice bath in warm soapy water each evening takes care of all of this!

Flyingsunflower · 13/09/2021 12:12

OP if they don't like shower on their head, do you think using a small jug to rinse their hair with their head back would help.
1 of my Ds 8 does not like water so I make him go last.He has eczema which makes him itch so I go in his room with him and moisturize his whole body after every shower.