The Tedious Married Man's Script

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

Bloke I work with - I have always really liked him and never had any creepy vibes off him. Appeared to be good at his job, pleasant company and if he did mention his wife it was in a nice way.

Tonight, texts around tea time about work stuff. Turned into "my wife doesn't understand me"

Yawn.

Honestly, does he think it's original? I'm nearly 50. Been hearing this shit from married me for 35 years. Yawn.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

I'm going to say it - there obviously are women who fall for their tired old bollocks though!

Who are they? Are they just insecure young women who are flattered that an older man (presumably with at least some money) finds them more attractive than the wife? I can't imagine they're all conniving "ha ha, I stole yr man!" types! So WHY do they fall for it?

Anyone know?

This is just a theory, and I never actually "fell" for it (in that I never slept with them), but in my experience much younger women can take these comments at face value. I remember distinctly thinking (cringe) 'oh that's not nice that [older man] lives in sexless, loveless marriage and has no one to talk to'.

It was only when I'd heard the same story several times and got married/had children myself that it all clicked into place.

Some women are just horrible. I had a flatmate who liked the sport of shagging married men. She’s a very senior solicitor now.

You know I've never had this! I definitely had slimy men approach me when I was younger, and now work with many men and joke with them but no one has ever actually made a move. I do have an exceptional resting bitch face though, and don't share my mobile number with anyone except family. After reading this thread, I have no plans to change!

@DrSbaitso

Honestly don't blame the photographer. I am truly the worst person in a photograph and I can assure you the men at work looked fine.

You said you look better in pics with babies because you're more relaxed. You don't need to be Angelina Jolie to look good in a photo and have your personality captured. A good photographer will set you at ease and catch you in the right way. Some people naturally photograph more easily than others but a good photographer will always be able to capture you in a good way. It's standard to have to take a zillion pictures to get the right one, too!

Your photographer was shit. You are fine.

Sorry I seem to have distracted people from the OP.

I've had many professional photos from when I was very little, standard really in the 50s to take little ones to a studio as lots of people didn't have cameras and I swear you could use any and all of my childhood photos in a campaign for the NSPCC as I look such a sad lost little soul. My siblings always looked fine. Then on through school photos, wedding photos honestly they are horrendous.

It does give everyone I know a good laugh, always breaks the ice to show my photos and people fall about.

I do just freeze and a zillion pictures just doesn't do it, photos of me with a baby and I look like a normal happy human being. Actually the photographer making me laugh was quite a good strategy.

My GS, an art student, is going to draw me for a birthday present. I'm hoping that will be a better result.

So many BRILLIANT responses on this thread!

I also think a lot men just don’t approach women. A lot of good men.

Being flattered and bombarded with attention, can be really attractive for many women.

I also think, when men do this, it’s often because they have got or learnt something that women want. So it’s very transactional. They have cultivated charisma and are sexy, or have a good job, position of power, older and have more such as a car or home.

So a woman going for this type of man is chucking away love and equality in favour of being chosen for being young/pretty/not the wife. It denigrates relationships and means that the interaction is shallow, superficial and often a bit ‘yuk’!

With some of these men and their tired, dusty old lines, I can only conclude that they live in a house that has no mirrors.

This needs to be on Classics!!

I worked with a married man who always had a string of women. Soon after I realised he was unfaithful I asked him if his wife knew and he said they had an understanding, an open relationship and gave me a couple of intimate details. I then asked if his wife would verify this and whether she was free to shag other people.

He soon back tracked, he was a twat.

He wasn't particularly good looking but he was a trained counsellor and would come across as a really good listener, in touch with his feminine side and full of empathy. And my god he had women falling for the my wife doesn't understand me, she is not as dynamic as you, I feel I can talk to you, crap. every. fucking. time.

His wife did kick him out eventually.

There are so many men who aren't emotionally available and aren't prepared to put in any work in courting, that I wonder if those who at least give the impression that they are come across as more attractive.

@Flipflopfoodle

You know I've never had this! I definitely had slimy men approach me when I was younger, and now work with many men and joke with them but no one has ever actually made a move. I do have an exceptional resting bitch face though, and don't share my mobile number with anyone except family. After reading this thread, I have no plans to change!

So much easier in workplaces where MS Teams, Slacks, and WhatsApp group memberships aren't adopted as the main mode of communication.

I was in several women-only groups (shared activity) and then several women decided to involve partners or interested men (no consultation) and the rest of us ended up leaving. I hadn't given permission for my details to be shared with a bunch of men I didn't know and the dynamic changed in ways that didn't suit me.

I had a sneaky suspicion that several of the women were trying to matchmake for unattached male friends but doing it like this was not the way to go about it.

I think what's even more depressing is the women who seem to believe it over and over again

I have a friend - pretty, clever (apart from when it comes to men) successful...

She had a 2 year affair with married man #1 - He had 2 girls 15 and 17... his wife was lazy, she never did anything in the house, she didn't work - he had to cook, clean, look after the girls, he did everything. She didn't even care about him - when he had the operation for his hemorrhoids, she didn't even text him to ask how he was - my friend had to buy him an inflatable doughnut to sit on as that BITCH* didn't even do that...... he was in love with my friend - they were meant to be together, he was going to leave when both daughters went to Uni, he couldn't leave before as he didn't want them to ruin their uni chances as they were so upset their parents were splitting.

He wouldn't reply for ages and then guilt trip my friend when he did 'So I'm not allowed to enjoy my life?' 'So I have to reply within 10 minutes?' yet when she went to the supermarket without her phone she came back to 15 missed calls and loads of texts asking who she was sleeping with?

(*I'm being totally sarcastic, these are the lies he told my friend and she believed them)

... He couldn't leave as his daughter was going through a crisis
.... He couldn't leave as it was too close to Christmas
.... He couldn't leave as they had a cruise booked and despite them NOT have sex for 5 years, he didn't want to cancel as he needed a holiday and would just treat his wife as a friend
.... He couldn't leave because....

....etc etc etc.

Married man #2 - He only married his wife as she was pregnant, he didn't want to leave straight away as his wife would never let him see his son. He was (and still is) very high up in the army and needed to leave his wife in a 'respectful way' as it would harm his career - however, until that point, it's totally OK to have sex at work in the disabled toilets and send loads of smut to each other during work hours - BUT.... my friend MUST respect the fact he doesn't message her outside work hours - that is, unless he has a spare 5 minutes when his wife is somewhere else in which case, my friend must be available, else what is she doing and why isn't she answering the phone to have phone sex?

Engaged man #3.... My friend didn't actually know he was engaged when she met him and he moved in within 4 months. However, she found out he was engaged and had a 4 year old daughter (who he denied was his at first until the fiancé showed my friend the birth certificate) ....... After she chucked him out, he managed to convince her within 3 months that the fiancé was the one that was 'mad' and 'She knew the relationship was over months before' and 'She just wanted to hurt him by ruining the relationship with my friend' and yes.... my friend believed him - cue another 12+ months of him lying, and cheating and lying some more, before she FINALLY kicked him out... he's still been sniffing around her, but I think he's finally left her alone.

This is the thing that gets me - so many red flags... so many lies and the same script again and again and again and yet women believe that 'this time he's telling the truth' 'I know it's usually the script but this time, it's different' - It's staggering.

Oh please text back those words tedious married man script

Those of you saying I should go to HR, you are right.

I'm not threatened or upset, though, I'm just disappointed. I don't think he's actually a nuisance, I'll let it play out for a week and see what the bullshit-bingo score card looks like. I have awarded him triple points for "principessa"

I think I know where it's come from - I had told him recently about my annoyance with my husband about something, it was meant to be a funny tale of how marriage can become a series of acts of stubbornness.

Perhaps it sounded like "please put your penis in me"?

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Those of you saying I should go to HR, you are right.

I'm not threatened or upset, though, I'm just disappointed. I don't think he's actually a nuisance, I'll let it play out for a week and see what the bullshit-bingo score card looks like. I have awarded him triple points for "principessa"

I think I know where it's come from - I had told him recently about my annoyance with my husband about something, it was meant to be a funny tale of how marriage can become a series of acts of stubbornness.

Perhaps it sounded like "please put your penis in me"?

I was once at a house party, lading punch for a lot of people. Guy came up for just one glass so I offered to refill him before carrying on.

"Thanks. I'm here with my WIFE, you know."

On the one hand, good to know he wasn't a cheater. On the other, I wasn't hitting on him...

First job , a long time ago and was only 16 . I know I looked much younger and I was quite shy. I worked in a factory office . The manager was a bit of a “ jack the lad” considered good looking( especially by himself) and married . Probably mid thirties . I had to get to work each day via the one bus and my dad met me off the bus in the evening. The manager asked me to work late ( stocktaking) . He said he would give me a lift home but we would” stop for a “ bit on the way home” . So I rang my father and said I was doing over time , but not to worry as Derek would take me home. But I couldn’t give an exact time as he wants to stop for a bit on the way, so tell mum not to get my dinner ready ! I did not work over time that night and Dad had words with Derek .

@Ohhelpmetoo

First job , a long time ago and was only 16 . I know I looked much younger and I was quite shy. I worked in a factory office . The manager was a bit of a “ jack the lad” considered good looking( especially by himself) and married . Probably mid thirties . I had to get to work each day via the one bus and my dad met me off the bus in the evening. The manager asked me to work late ( stocktaking) . He said he would give me a lift home but we would” stop for a “ bit on the way home” . So I rang my father and said I was doing over time , but not to worry as Derek would take me home. But I couldn’t give an exact time as he wants to stop for a bit on the way, so tell mum not to get my dinner ready ! I did not work over time that night and Dad had words with Derek .

How fucking terrifying.

She understands you she just thinks your a wanker

@Ohhelpmetoo

First job , a long time ago and was only 16 . I know I looked much younger and I was quite shy. I worked in a factory office . The manager was a bit of a “ jack the lad” considered good looking( especially by himself) and married . Probably mid thirties . I had to get to work each day via the one bus and my dad met me off the bus in the evening. The manager asked me to work late ( stocktaking) . He said he would give me a lift home but we would” stop for a “ bit on the way home” . So I rang my father and said I was doing over time , but not to worry as Derek would take me home. But I couldn’t give an exact time as he wants to stop for a bit on the way, so tell mum not to get my dinner ready ! I did not work over time that night and Dad had words with Derek .

Well done dad !!!

Send back "I understand you perfectly". Then feel sorry for his wife...

Once worked as a temp in a place where this fat, snorting baldy twat from the sales department would come down "for the banter" and declared, loudly, that such-and-such a young woman who worked up there was so attractive he wanted to, and I quote verbatim, "Punch her up the arse"

This Valentino also boasted about how he gave discounts to women if they sent him photos of their tits.

He was married, by the way. But said that after 4 kids his wife's "snatch" (again, verbatim) was too baggy.

I’m always flabbergasted how many older men think younger clever beautiful women would be in any way interested

Is it deluded confidence or just sheer trying their luck

I really don’t know. Male entitlement certainly plays a part in this

Sadly so so so many men are like this. I know far more that are than are not

I’m always flabbergasted how many older men think younger clever beautiful women would be in any way interested.

In the spirit of sisterly knowledge-sharing, I'd like to shed some light on this.
I was once young, clever and quite pretty. The boys of my age were, for the often part, drunk, nasty and considered themselves massively entitled to sex on demand. Virgins (including me) were slagged off as a drain on the biosphere. Girls with posh accents (like me) were sleazed onto as a potential source of funds for party drugs. (Didn't work on me.) Boys slagged me off as a "dog" and a "fat cow". (Reader, I weighed 55kg.)
However, the older men 30s and 40s I worked with were charming, interesting, had plenty to talk about and had the strange ability to tease me about my fashion choices while making me feel elegant and alluring. It was hard to resist that sort of charm. At 20, I had a huge crush on a 42yo (divorced, single) colleague who filled out his Levi's like no one I've seen before or since. I'm 55 now, and wish I'd had the chance to shag him.
"Mature" men who can offer a girl something more seductive than clumsy negging will have an advantage over stupid young gits.
Young men of the world, please lift your game.
Mouldy oldies, please know when the game is up.

@Moelwynbach

^ For fucks sake Martin jog on