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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Tedious Married Man's Script

278 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 13/09/2021 01:21

Bloke I work with - I have always really liked him and never had any creepy vibes off him. Appeared to be good at his job, pleasant company and if he did mention his wife it was in a nice way.

Tonight, texts around tea time about work stuff. Turned into "my wife doesn't understand me"

Yawn.

Honestly, does he think it's original? I'm nearly 50. Been hearing this shit from married me for 35 years. Yawn.

OP posts:
Roussette · 14/09/2021 21:26

OVienna

Oh yes.
And he never accepted NO the first time. He tried over the whole time I was in that job.

Luckily I had a reasonable self esteem but I presume he moved on to someone else who accepted his offer of being set up in a swanky flat....

TheWinterSmoulder · 14/09/2021 21:29

@ panauchocolat Not all men are like this

DrSbaitso · 14/09/2021 21:35

@Roussette

OVienna

Oh yes.
And he never accepted NO the first time. He tried over the whole time I was in that job.

Luckily I had a reasonable self esteem but I presume he moved on to someone else who accepted his offer of being set up in a swanky flat....

Should have said you'd rather have jewellery. Taken it upfront. Then arranged a meeting somewhere to make payment. Then never turned up.

What could he have done?

Owl55 · 14/09/2021 21:54

Suggest you meet his wife and help them work through their problems!🤣🤣

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2021 21:57

@Bobsyer

I think a lot of young women fall for this shit because they literally don’t have the life experience (or a handy forum like Mumsnet Wink) to know it’s all a line. Some of them will, sure, but I know there was a lot I put up with as a teen and younger 20-something that I wouldn’t entertain for a second now.
I agree but I think its as much about confidence in ourselves as we age.

I know that at 48 there is very little shit I will take but at 24 as I was still worrying about offending or being rude. Now I dont care if I offend someone who clearly didnt care about offending me! Same with CF's. I was the mug. Loads have said that they dont believe the thread about the school run MNer going 40 minutes out of her way to take a kid to school, I would have been that person! Not anymore.

So I wouldnt have had the confidence to tell a total creep to jog on when I was young and would (often did) find myself in situations that I wasnt comfortable with.

Bertiebiscuit · 14/09/2021 22:24

Some men are not only creepy and crass, but are also too stupid to figure out that women actually talk to each other about mens' nonsense duh....

me4real · 14/09/2021 22:27

@ThumbWitchesAbroad I've 'known' a few married/spoken-for men. All sorts of reasons. I didn't really see how wrong it is until I found Mumsnet and read about all the wives' experiences. It was like a moral blind spot and probably some daddy issues or something.

The last one I was involved with also helped me realize how evil and disgusting these men truly are. He was targeting multiple vulnerable women with severe disabilities at the same time etc. Lied about so many things.

Sometimes people might fall in love or whatever, but the bloke should leave his wife first of course.

And let's face it, most of these men are just users and sometimes even narcs.

me4real · 14/09/2021 22:32

So I wouldnt have had the confidence to tell a total creep to jog on when I was young and would (often did) find myself in situations that I wasnt comfortable with.

@PyongyangKipperbang Yes, the last one also pretended to be my friend. I have bipolar and shagged him when I was ill, when I never otherwise would've done, as he was creepy and sleazy. Then it took me about 18 months to get out of the situation, as he was the main person in my life despite nagging me for bad sex constantly etc.

Bobsyer · 14/09/2021 22:35

@PyongyangKipperbang yes I agree.

I almost want some man to give me the gross come on so I can tell him to get to fuck Grin

Lupinhere37 · 14/09/2021 22:56

Worst I ever had was when I was in my early twenties, an old family acquaintance and long time best friend of my uncle (both in their seventies) accosted me in Tesco. Told me he was in poor health, didn’t have much longer and wanted to “go out with a bang” and “keep everyone talking”.
Suggested we got married. He was very rich and said I’d be well looked after but wanted me to immediately move in with him. I assumed it was some odd attempt at humour, although he was weirdly intense and quite lecherous as he said it.
Some weeks later, he died. Seems he wasn’t joking at all.
When I told my aunt and uncle, they weren’t at all surprised.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/09/2021 23:04

"This conversation makes me feel uncomfortable. Let's stick to work related discussions only, in work hours and via email. Thanks."

And repeat.

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2021 23:35

Eurgh they're all so predictable.

When I was about 30 I went for a drink with a guy I'd just spoken on a panel with to discuss a work issue. Within half an hour he was already banging on about his wife not understanding him and how she'd let her hair go it's natural grey since having a third child and what a mistake it was etc. I rebuked him a bit but wish I'd had the confidence to just fully call him out on it and tear his grim lines apart one by one. I'm 40 next birthday and if it happened now I would happily do a demolition job - with relish! Only it won't because I'm married with two kids now so not the target anymore. I only hope women my junior are wise enough to let rip these days

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/09/2021 05:12

@me4real - from what you've said, it sounds like a lot of the time men were taking advantage of your vulnerability and naivety.

It's good that MN has helped you see things from a more rounded and wiser perspective. I hope you're in a better situation now.

User646326712 · 15/09/2021 06:28

I was divorced by 27. Always got told " Not bad for two kids"
Pur-leese. Is that the best line you got? I'm hardly going to take on some other poor womans cheating piece of crap when I could have stayed with my own 🙂

Sagaz · 15/09/2021 07:24

Yeh they dont understand that. If you had the strength to leave a selfish lazy man who projects all of his inadequacies outwards then you're not going to walk in to that situation again.

cannockcandy · 15/09/2021 08:13

OP you're killing me "angry wank" and "as photogenic as an erupting volcano" - nearly spat out my coffee TWICE lol.
When I was in college (I was 17) I met a lecturer, he wasn't married but was in a long term relationship. I fell for that line. Ended up stuck with a guy 15 years my senior and walked heart first into an 8 year abusive relationship!

Dude your wife understands you perfectly and if she doesn't then why not try marriage counselling before trying to get your leg over another woman?

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 15/09/2021 09:31

I've been invited to a social/work catch up scheduled with a third colleague for next week. She's good company too, I usually love it when the three of us have a chance to meet up.

Here is next chapter of The Script:

orders me a large (instead of the requested small) glass of wine
sits a bit close
tells me I'm remarkable/pretty eyes/or some other wank
flirts with the other woman there
brushes my knee with his under the table (and I have stumpy legs so that'll take a bit of effort)
time to go home, but starts up another conversation about himself
offers me a shared taxi home

It's a draft, what would you add?

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 15/09/2021 09:40

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I've been invited to a social/work catch up scheduled with a third colleague for next week. She's good company too, I usually love it when the three of us have a chance to meet up.

Here is next chapter of The Script:

orders me a large (instead of the requested small) glass of wine
sits a bit close
tells me I'm remarkable/pretty eyes/or some other wank
flirts with the other woman there
brushes my knee with his under the table (and I have stumpy legs so that'll take a bit of effort)
time to go home, but starts up another conversation about himself
offers me a shared taxi home

It's a draft, what would you add?

Any variation of "You're not like other girls..."

I've just remembered...older married man, me in my 20s. Kept telling me how many women kept sending him nudes. I was greener than Kermit and truly did not understand why he was telling me this. I realise now, of course, but I was unhappy with my body in that way that attractive young women who haven't had kids tend to be, and the last thing I was going to do was send him naked pics of myself which I didn't think would match up to the calibre he was apparently used to receiving. Not that I had any great urge for him to see me naked anyway.

justnippingoutwillbe5mins · 15/09/2021 11:20

Another favourite - out on the razzle with work colleagues having fun and end up having what I thought was a nice chat for a while at the end of the evening with a male colleague my age who is good looking, who I generally like and who is married, just chatting. He comes on to me. I say - but you have a beautiful wife, why? Opportunity, all men are the same, he says.

So disappointing.

bobblebeebob · 15/09/2021 12:21

Silly old prat. If that were me, id shut it down immediately. Tell him he's a laughable cliche and that you definitely dont need two blokes in your life

Definitely no socials with him.

me4real · 15/09/2021 12:50

@ThumbWitchesAbroad I'm doing really well thanks. If only we knew in our teens/20s things we know at 44. Speaking for myself, at least.

Darlingx · 15/09/2021 13:14

What like Bill Gates explaining he went to hang out at Epsteins to escape his toxic marriage what with Epsteins conviction behind him that’s really not a toxic space to escape to. ‘My wife doesn’t understand me ‘. I still don’t understand the entitlement men have because we will never dominate the other sex in quite the same way.

DoYouWantDecking · 15/09/2021 13:14

@DrSbaitso thanks - I feel ill now

Darlingx · 15/09/2021 13:30

At my Uni the Head’s of Dept ( that’s right they are marking your degree) were sticking their dry old tongues down students throats or grabbing a boob and that’s with you having a boyfriend and them being older than your father. Couldn’t say anything because there was a casting couch. Most of them were quite happy to kiss power’s arse for quid pro quo. I see one of the Harem’s smiling face on my uni newsletter. I remember her sitting on his knee in his office which was a cupboard of a room . I had to sit in clenched fists, buttocks u name it. Don’t underestimate the Gentlemen’s club culture to the entitlement of older males in power. Hand in the cookie jar with fresh new blood every year through their door. They even get to pick them. A lot of blondes were on the course Cake It’s men not just married men. They just can’t seem to keep their zipper out of professional spaces esp when in charge. It seemed to be a fringe benefit because the learning space was adult learning so it was ok?

sobby · 15/09/2021 13:47

Happened only yesterday,
Not slept with my wife for a year now, I'm feeling so low and depressed . When I said why don't you both sit down and put your cards on the table with each other, he said he didn't want to talk about it, even though he bought it up . I get this a lot as a trained counsellor .

As a nanny in the 80s virtually ever job I had the husband made a pass at me . I was extremely shy and felt to uncomfortable..

Let's hope all their wives have the same story lol