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Original poster

The Tedious Married Man's Script

278 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 13/09/2021 01:21

Bloke I work with - I have always really liked him and never had any creepy vibes off him. Appeared to be good at his job, pleasant company and if he did mention his wife it was in a nice way.

Tonight, texts around tea time about work stuff. Turned into "my wife doesn't understand me"

Yawn.

Honestly, does he think it's original? I'm nearly 50. Been hearing this shit from married me for 35 years. Yawn.

OP posts:
OliviaNewtAndJohn · 13/09/2021 10:06

I suspect his wife ‘understands’ him better than he realises, and hope she gets rid of this middle aged tomcat.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 13/09/2021 10:06

We had photos done at work once, they were making a new brochure. The photographer said he'd photographed pieces of wood that looked more alive than I did

Why am I not surprised this was a male photographer... meanwhile the men get away with looking like Lex Luther on laundry day.

ancientgran · 13/09/2021 10:07

@EatSleepRantRepeat

We had photos done at work once, they were making a new brochure. The photographer said he'd photographed pieces of wood that looked more alive than I did

Why am I not surprised this was a male photographer... meanwhile the men get away with looking like Lex Luther on laundry day.

Honestly don't blame the photographer. I am truly the worst person in a photograph and I can assure you the men at work looked fine.
lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2021 10:08

'Dear colleague,

I find the benefits of being understood are overstated in our society and consider the possibility of being understood perfectly, a theological illusion (the omniscient god). Most people muddle along just fine with some common values, compatible habits, a willingness to listen to each other and to make a bit of an effort now and then.

If you are interested in seeking spiritual or intellectual understanding, insight, guidance or enlightenment, might I suggest a course of therapy, religious exploration or creative writing.

Yours,
OP'

ancientgran · 13/09/2021 10:09

This is brilliant! That's all that needs saying: 'I don't understand you either.' And walk away. Isn't the real issue that we do understand him?

twoshedsjackson · 13/09/2021 10:10

I agree, OliviaNewtAndJohn; his long-suffering wife understands him all too well, and it irks him that his bullshit has been detected.

SmokeyDevil · 13/09/2021 10:21

I'd have to make fun of him and ask him if he thinks he is original or does he just think of himself as so complicated, no mere mortal could understand him?

Twitchynose · 13/09/2021 10:22

@PurpleOkapi
The best dirty old man pickup line I heard in my 20s was "Mature men are better in bed." My response? "How do you know? How many have you slept with?"

Genius! I definitely need to tuck this away in my brain.

Claudethecat · 13/09/2021 10:26

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

"I wish we had never had children (he and his wife had three) it's ruined my wife's body, women should never have children it ruins their body" all the while ogling my boobs. I was in my twenties and he was late fifties and I remember being so shocked that someone would talk about their wife and kids like this.

Apparently he told all the blokes in the office he was "going to have me". Reader, he never did.

I bet he had a perfectly honed 50 something body @ThePluckOfTheCoward. How could you resist him?
IVflytrap · 13/09/2021 10:26

24 years old, at my middle-aged boss's leaving do, I go up to him to wish him well at his new job and he turns on the big sad eyes and sulky toddler pout and starts saying how he didn't want to leave anyway, how his long-term partner had demanded that he leave for a better-paid job, but that once he found said job, the bitch dumped him anyway. All in a whiny lamenting tone. He then starts talking about how me and him always got on well, so I make my excuses...

Found out soon afterwards that his ex-partner had actually asked him to leave the company when she discovered his emotional affair with a junior (to him) employee and then later dumped him when she found out they had fucked. Poor, poor guy. SadSadGrin

Claudethecat · 13/09/2021 10:28

When I was in my 20s I had two men come on to me whose wives were pregnant. Really vile.

Claudethecat · 13/09/2021 10:32

Good luck to you @TheVanguardSix. Honk honk indeed!

echt · 13/09/2021 10:34

Superb thread.

The OP has neglected her career in stand-up comedy.

👏

Thewholeshackshimmy · 13/09/2021 10:36

There’s a guy in our village who walks his dog every day. Whenever I see him my heart sinks to my feet because he latches on to you with a’ oh, which way are you going? I’ll walk with you’, urgh! He then proceeds to slag off his wife for the duration of the walk, how he would love her to come with him but she never wants to come out, how he’s been trying for ages to get her to lose weight. She never wants to do anything with him etc yawn etc.
Obviously some poor women fall for these knobheads as I’ve recently heard he has left his poor wife and kids to move in around the corner with a single lady he has been walking with. His FB page is now plastered with loving/happy pics of his ‘new’ life.
All this whilst he is living just around the corner from his poor, poor wife and kids. What an absolute arsehole.

Cheermonger · 13/09/2021 10:37

No NAMALTS on this thread either. Funny that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 10:37

Honestly don't blame the photographer. I am truly the worst person in a photograph and I can assure you the men at work looked fine.

You said you look better in pics with babies because you're more relaxed. You don't need to be Angelina Jolie to look good in a photo and have your personality captured. A good photographer will set you at ease and catch you in the right way. Some people naturally photograph more easily than others but a good photographer will always be able to capture you in a good way. It's standard to have to take a zillion pictures to get the right one, too!

Your photographer was shit. You are fine.

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 10:46

@ancientgran

This is brilliant! That's all that needs saying: 'I don't understand you either.' And walk away. Isn't the real issue that we do understand him?
Maybe. But it leaves them with the impression that we don't because we too, like their overworked, under-appreciated wives, will not put our energies into understanding them.Not worth the bother. And truly part of me doesn't understand how they can be so utterly blind and insensitive and unappreciative of what they have.
TheRebelle · 13/09/2021 10:48

This is the absolutely perfect place to use that Alan Partridge shrugging his shoulders meme 😂

Ori3 · 13/09/2021 10:51

@sloutside

Oh God. Can’t un-read that.

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 13/09/2021 10:52

From a colleague I got 'my wife and I just have different sex drives' but I really care about her so can't leave'. I asked him if he thought I was a sex therapist or a prostitute.

BeachDrifting · 13/09/2021 10:53

What a disrespectful immature turd. His ego needs stoking and he’s using you to do it.

I was once out years ago in a bar with friends and a guy tried to hit on me with the “my wife doesn’t want sex anymore she’s too tired looking after the baby” it was my first night out after my baby was born so I went totally mental at him. Lost it. Told him to get his fucking shitty arse home and give his poor wife a break and some attention and maybe actually do something for her and then he might get attention back. He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I think this should be the norm. Any crap bloke giving off lines like this should result in a tornado slap down. Give it to him.

HoboSexualOnslow · 13/09/2021 10:57

It's funny how the wives in all the 'sexless marriages' end up pregnant. Immaculate conception eh

me4real · 13/09/2021 11:01

Could you say something to him? And/or report him to wwork?

is there anything unusual about your body?

Personally I'd think that a weird chat up line. 'You look average with your clothes on' Confused Wouldn't work for me lol

NCBlossom · 13/09/2021 11:04

Erugh….

It was awful enough when I was in my twenties and thirties, having so many married men give me loads of attention.

But it was 100 times worse when I was the wife, and saw texts from my husband to his exes, the women at work, the women in his drama class… all saying variations of ‘you are so classy/good looking/well dressed/glamorous’ - which were so hurtful as he’d not complimented me since our baby was born!

Some of these then turned into ‘and we live together but she knows that I don’t love her…. ‘ ‘I’d leave but we have such a lovely son and she will ‘take him’…

And most disappointingly of all a fair number of women were sympathising. Who are these women who do fall for this shit???

All the while we were very much sleeping together. Although as others have said. ‘Family time’ was boring to him apparently and he was always making an excuse to get out.

DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 11:08

@TheRebelle

This is the absolutely perfect place to use that Alan Partridge shrugging his shoulders meme 😂
I was thinking more of this sequence...
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