Page 4 | The Tedious Married Man's Script

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 2021-09-13T00:21:11+00:00

Bloke I work with - I have always really liked him and never had any creepy vibes off him. Appeared to be good at his job, pleasant company and if he did mention his wife it was in a nice way. Tonight, texts around tea time about work stuff. Turned into "my wife doesn't understand me" Yawn. Honestly, does he think it's original? I'm nearly 50. Been hearing this shit from married me for 35 years. Yawn.

Iamthewombat · 13/09/2021 09:17

His last message finishes by calling me Principessa

That really, really made me laugh.

Next, he will tell you that he is ‘dark’. I guarantee it.

ancientgran · 13/09/2021 09:17

@DrSbaitso

The photographer said he'd photographed pieces of wood that looked more alive than I did.

Side note: that's a very bad photographer. They're supposed to make subjects feel relaxed and confident.

True but then to be fair I know I'm not photogenic. The only photos I have that I like (i.e. half decent) are when I'm holding a baby. I think because I'm thinking about the baby and not cringing at the thought of another shit photo.

In reality he wasn't daft as I started laughing and he did get a photo of me looking happy if a little demented.

You know how they say someone is a wonderful model/actor and the camera loves them? Well I'm the opposite and cameras hate me.

littletinyboxes · 13/09/2021 09:18

He actually told me that his wife "retired after our youngest was born

I predict that he plans to follow this up with some variation of 'She knows it's over but I haven't left because she's been struggling to come to terms with it/she suffers from depression/she's had [insert personal crisis/medical problem] so I need to stay until she's strong enough"

It's amazing how many men there seem to be out there who are so selfless that they will live indefinitely with someone who is actually an ex really to help them through personal difficulties. Yet despite being so caring that they will do this, none of them seem to be able to manage not to try to get a shag from someone from the office.

sloutside · 13/09/2021 09:19

He's anyone had 'if only I'd met you first...' or 'pity I'm married..

Yup, I've had the "pity I'm married"
And also "If I wasn't married I'd marry you straight away".... said by a fellow musician every single time he gets drunk after a concert.

Also had, from a 75 year old,
"We should fuck. You don't have to look at my old decrepit body if you don't want to, we can do it with the lights out. No problem"

sloutside · 13/09/2021 09:21

I'm a 50 year old, slightly cynical, definitely irritable woman trying to battle the patriarchy and my spanx, not a princess waiting for her prince to come and take me away from all this

You have a fabulous turn of phrase - should be a writer!
I love your "angry wank like an adult" comment too

IceLace100 · 13/09/2021 09:22

Also had, from a 75 year old,
"We should fuck. You don't have to look at my old decrepit body if you don't want to, we can do it with the lights out. No problem"

Harrowing.

Thelnebriati · 13/09/2021 09:24

Him - "my wife doesn't understand me"
Me speaking clearly and loudly - ''Have you tried speaking more clearly and loudly?

Mrsfrumble · 13/09/2021 09:30

Back when I was in mid-20s, I met an older man at a party. When he found out I had a boyfriend, he asked what our age gap was. On finding out that boyfriend was 2 years older, started going on and on about how our relationship was doomed, because men don’t want to marry women the same age as them. According to him, boyfriend would string me on for another 5 or 10 years, then dump me for someone in their 20s, by which time I’d be past my best and doomed to spinsterhood. He went on and on, telling me I should listen because he “knew how the world works”, until I got annoyed and upset and told him to leave me alone. It didn’t occur to me until ages after that he was trying to get into my knickers! Urgh.

Agree with @DrSbaitso about the assumption that women are always competing for men. Why do they think they’re such prizes?

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 13/09/2021 09:32

"I wish we had never had children (he and his wife had three) it's ruined my wife's body, women should never have children it ruins their body" all the while ogling my boobs. I was in my twenties and he was late fifties and I remember being so shocked that someone would talk about their wife and kids like this.

Apparently he told all the blokes in the office he was "going to have me". Reader, he never did.

placemats · 13/09/2021 09:33

'You're her intellectual superior.'

Oh really? I'm hearing you married someone who you think is intellectually inferior to you. Creep.

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 09:35

I had a colleague I really enjoyed working with - huge respect for his talent, work ethic and humour. But it was clear he had a crush on a member of our team. One lunchtime he started the script on me, and I could tell he was about to confess his undying love for the woman on our team. I just cut him short and told him the rest of the script. Oh his face when I relayed every last detail of what was wrong before he'd even said it. he couldn't believe how I'd read his mind.

I was so glad when the lovely woman he had his eye on, who also clearly had a crush on him, left the company, went travelling and met a man she;s now married to. Lost touch with the whiny bloke though.

Mrsfrumble · 13/09/2021 09:36

It's amazing how many men there seem to be out there who are so selfless that they will live indefinitely with someone who is actually an ex really to help them through personal difficulties.

… As long as the personal difficulties don’t prevent the “ex” from doing all their laundry for them, cooking their tea and doing all the childcare drudge and dull admin shit. Such saintly men to have to put up with such a lifestyle!

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 09:36

@Thelnebriati

Him - "my wife doesn't understand me" Me speaking clearly and loudly - ''Have you tried speaking more clearly and loudly?

That's lovely. I have to use that.

BabyLeaf · 13/09/2021 09:37

What does 'is there anything unusual about your body?' even mean? lol

Seriously though, this isn't okay. You need to let him know he's being inappropriate and any further messages of that ilk will be screenshot and taken to your management team.

futureghost · 13/09/2021 09:38

@Guineapigbridge

The reason men go for younger women is that the ones who've been around a bit longer are wise to all their bullshit.

OP is nearly 50. She can't be that much younger!

And it is possible that us nearly 50s are actually still sexually attractive to men you know.

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 09:39

@ThePlumVan

Yeah, I'd be snapping you up pal, you're absolutely beyond alluring to a 19 year old temp. Can't wait to become embroiled in your custody arrangements while you pick me up in your volvo and we hang out in a dodgy pub. I'm there.

Yes!

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 09:41

@KloppsTeeth

I don’t understand him either.

This is brilliant! That's all that needs saying: 'I don't understand you either.' And walk away.

One of the wits on this thread should write a book of putdowns to men that spin this line and hand it out to all women when they start their first job.

Cattenberg · 13/09/2021 09:43

Has anyone had 'if only I'd met you first...'

Yes. I wish I’d pointed out that when he met his wife, I would have been 12. That might have shut him up.

futureghost · 13/09/2021 09:43

@TheSockMonster

Poor lamb, he just needs someone who understands what a special little solider he is.

Creepy married-with-kids boss’s boss who I was trapped in a car with when I was 21:

Creep: I made £X in bonuses last year.
Me (politely disinterested): That’s nice.
Creep: My wife doesn’t think I earn enough.
Me (considers): Well you do put in a lot of hours, so your hourly rate is probably quite modest.

I’d like to say it was a clever answer, but I was quite literal at that age and the whole thing went straight over my head. He also had a habit of coming up behind me and the other younger women and massaging our shoulders.

I’m sure his wife didn’t understand him either or she’d have divorced him

That made me laugh and laugh!

IdblowJonSnow · 13/09/2021 09:48

God aren't men revolting. Wish they'd all fuck off to their own massive island somewhere.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 13/09/2021 09:48

@TheVanguardSix

"We haven't even slept together for years/sleep in separate rooms" hmmm, sure bud.

They leave out the bit where they've shelved their wife for hardcore porn, thus forcing her into a sexless marriage without her say. At least, that's my scenario. Gave that fucker (now ex-husband... oh I loooove the sound of that!) the boot 2 weeks ago and it's been utter bliss seeing the back of him... Goodbye, Volvo driving, midlife crisis-dwelling, pornhub addicted assclown! See you in court! Honk honk! Wave!

I've heard so many variations on this.

Everybody blithely asking the woman, "Have you considered relationship counselling?" or, "Have you considered sharing your fantasies and broadening your sex life?"

Your solution reads better.

AbstractEim · 13/09/2021 09:55

I’d have to reply with a 😂🤮

Working in film/tv this happened to me a lot in my 20s/30s, the guys were always midlife crisis age, married with kids. Working away would be invited to stay in the cottage they rented, they didn’t want to be in the unit hotel with everyone else. Their wife and kids would visit at weekends. Or the ones who’d make out their hotel room was rubbish and they’d have to sleep in mine, in my bed 🤮 told them all to F off but it was incessant.

There was one who’s 20 year old son was also working with us and was still non-stop, son even asked another colleague if something was going on. Was awful, so unprofessional!

TurquoiseDragon · 13/09/2021 10:00

@TheVanguardSix

"We haven't even slept together for years/sleep in separate rooms" hmmm, sure bud.

They leave out the bit where they've shelved their wife for hardcore porn, thus forcing her into a sexless marriage without her say. At least, that's my scenario. Gave that fucker (now ex-husband... oh I loooove the sound of that!) the boot 2 weeks ago and it's been utter bliss seeing the back of him... Goodbye, Volvo driving, midlife crisis-dwelling, pornhub addicted assclown! See you in court! Honk honk! Wave!

I wish we had a Like button.

groovergirl · 13/09/2021 10:02

This thread just gets better and better. How can we send it out to all the young, pre-Mumsnet women who would benefit from its wisdom??

I'm so glad I grew up listening to

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 13/09/2021 10:03

Apparently he told all the blokes in the office he was "going to have me". Reader, he never did.

And why do the other men encourage them or stand in silence rather than tell them they're creepy?