Page 9 | Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

mymobileisonsilent · 2021-09-12T16:18:10+00:00

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The --very rude child-- then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same. Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

gunnersgold · 15/09/2021 14:38

I hate this ! It's happened to me before and I've told them there isn't enough food or party bags . They can come and sit quietly at the side !! Especially if they are 5 years older !

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/09/2021 14:41

@stairway

Personally, having experienced many parties , I think some parents go out of their way to make it stingy. If you are inviting someone to a party you are asking their parents to disrupt their weekend for you. Some parents don’t get every weekend together so it can be a big sacrifice. Imo if parents stay you should cater for them too. If the parents have to bring a sibling cater for them too. Don’t invite too many people, less is more.

If you want to keep your weekends to yourself don't accept an invitation to a party! Sorry, but it's pure nonsense to suggest entire families should come to someone else's child's party so they don't miss their "family time". All two hours of the weekend. And suggesting that actual friends should be bumped off the guest list to make space for you 😆

stairway · 15/09/2021 14:45

Bloodypunkrockers obviously I know party invitations are optional, and I refused most whenI worked every other weekend. However you feel guilty doing that to your child and also to the party child. I would prefer it if soft play parties didn’t exist.

Seliba · 15/09/2021 14:50

It's a party for your child and her friends, not a few hours of free childcare for someone else.

woodhill · 15/09/2021 17:41

@stairway

Personally, having experienced many parties , I think some parents go out of their way to make it stingy. If you are inviting someone to a party you are asking their parents to disrupt their weekend for you. Some parents don’t get every weekend together so it can be a big sacrifice. Imo if parents stay you should cater for them too. If the parents have to bring a sibling cater for them too. Don’t invite too many people, less is more.

Totally disagree, people are on a budget and do you host parties yourself?

woodhill · 15/09/2021 17:47

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

So if the party is at a church hall, with an entertainer, I’m expected to keep my other two children separate from the party at the other side of the hall? I can’t imagine that would be better than politely declining until they’re old enough to be left.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

How old is your eldest dc?

Drop and go or leave others at home with relatives perhaps

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/09/2021 19:37

@woodhill

I’ve repeatedly said I don’t have anyone to drop them with. My children are 4,3 and newborn. I don’t feel comfortable leaving them with strangers at a party.

We wouldn’t go.

woodhill · 15/09/2021 19:41

Sure, a bit young. Maybe ask the host, seems a shame

However in the 90s we tended to leave our dcs at 4

flippertyop · 15/09/2021 19:45

I've never had this. I have had parents expecting teas and coffees - I find that odd. If I am staying I bring my own drink

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/09/2021 20:00

@woodhill

Sure, a bit young. Maybe ask the host, seems a shame

However in the 90s we tended to leave our dcs at 4

I think Covid social distancing will make things particularly difficult for parents of younger children in this regard. I never met any parents at nursery. We had to stand with masks on, 2m apart and pick up at staggered times. We couldn’t attend any playgroups. We didn’t have any settling sessions or meet and greets at the eldest’s school so the parents there are absolute strangers to me.

I can’t imagine many parents will want to leave their reception age children and younger in the care of complete strangers.

Although, I could be wrong.

woodhill · 15/09/2021 20:12

Yes that makes sense, i tended to know other dps through playgroup, church and older siblings. I think it was the norm then with leaving dc

stairway · 15/09/2021 23:35

Woodhill I’ve hosted a few parties when I could afford it I have to limit the numbers though. I wouldn’t host a party if there wasn’t going to be food, that’s no way to treat guests. When I’ve not had any money there is no parties.

MitheringMytryl · 15/09/2021 23:42

A two year old won't be having many party invitations yet. You have all that to come.

My two year old is often invited to parties. Probably once a month. I don't think that she is unusual in this respect.

And yes, I am expected to stay with her. It's normal for parents to stay and supervise. I'm sure that will change as she gets older.

feeona123 · 15/09/2021 23:44

My daughter’s 5th party was a whole class party and SO many siblings turned up for a free session at the gymnastics club.

It pissed me off so much but I knew it would happen as if seen it happen at other parties. It wasn’t the food as I made so much it was the fact these parents just brought their other kids for a free play without asking if it was okay.

The worst was one child came with both parents and 2 siblings!! Fucking chavs . Family trip out to my kids party.

Luckily birthdays 6 and 7 have been in lockdown so haven’t had to think about it again.

My son wants a class party this year but luckily the parents don’t seem as CF’s as my daughter’s class.

Original poster

mymobileisonsilent · 16/09/2021 09:46

Three children were left at my DC's party ( the kids a were 5) I think probably year 2 ,would be the year I would feel
Comfortable start to leave at parties, but it does depend on the format, my DC is very nervous of traditional parties, soft play he's fine, so I imagine it depends on the child.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2021 11:29

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken - the point I was trying to make to you earlier in the thread (clearly not very well at all ) was that this thread is about cheeky fuckers who choose to use the party as free child care, and push uninvited children in to partake fully of the party food, games, prizes and party bags.

If you ask the party host parent politely if you can stay with your younger dc, and you take some food with you to give them when the party tea is happening, and you don't let them expect a party bag, you would not be anything like the parents in the OP.

And if it is a party in a church hall, the likelihood is that the party host would be happy for your other dc to stay, and join in, because there would be no extra cost to them - and I'm sure you wouldn't let your children spoil the party for the invited guests - by winning all the games, or making noise whilst the entertainer was doing their act, for example.

In my mind, there is a world of difference between a parent like yourself, who has very valid reasons for not wanting to drop and go, but has no-one local who could look after the other dc for you, and who asks if they can stay, and a CF who has one invited child but shoves others in uninvited and without asking, and lets them ruin the party for the birthday child and the invited guests.

Original poster

mymobileisonsilent · 16/09/2021 11:48

Off to a party this weekend, shall
I take my toddler too, laughing that I should, as this parent brought theirs to our party (without asking) ? Ohhhhhh I won't, but I really should as revenge.

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/09/2021 11:50

@mymobileisonsilent

Off to a party this weekend, shall I take my toddler too, laughing that I should, as this parent brought theirs to our party (without asking) ? Ohhhhhh I won't, but I really should as revenge.

They'd probably be horrified, and bitch about your cheek to all and sundry. These people usually only see things from one perspective only.

woodhill · 16/09/2021 18:01

@stairway

Woodhill I’ve hosted a few parties when I could afford it I have to limit the numbers though. I wouldn’t host a party if there wasn’t going to be food, that’s no way to treat guests. When I’ve not had any money there is no parties.

Stairway - To me though it's the invited guests i.e. The dc not their siblings and parents unless the dc were say under 4 which is different.

I will see the etiquette when I go to dgd birthday soon😀

Plumtree391 · 16/09/2021 18:08

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@woodhill

I’ve repeatedly said I don’t have anyone to drop them with. My children are 4,3 and newborn. I don’t feel comfortable leaving them with strangers at a party.

We wouldn’t go.[/quote]
You're sensible, I wouldn't want to leave a three year old and a newborn in a strange place. I'd leave a four year old at a party and take the other two off somewhere for a while.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 16/09/2021 18:55

Good for you @Plumtree391

I won’t be leaving my four year old.

Plumtree391 · 16/09/2021 19:06

Oh fair enough. I do realise times have changed.

When mine was young, kids were left aged four. The parties were generally in the homes of children with whom they went to school, or neighbours, friends, family, so they were quite safe - or were they? I'm beginning to wonder now. All I can say for certain is that they were safe in my house.

It would have been a bit crowded if all the parents stayed to supervise their children.

ChurchWCat · 16/09/2021 19:14

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Good for you *@Plumtree391*

I won’t be leaving my four year old.

But if every parent brought 2 siblings along that wanted to join in that would triple the potential cost of the party, especially if it's pay per head.

I don't think people are doing anything wrong by saying siblings can't join.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 16/09/2021 19:29

I’m not sure how many times I’ve written this, but I’ll put it again…

“We will be politely declining party invitations”

dottymac · 16/09/2021 20:09

I'm with you scully - the amount of kids I've had to help out at parties that have just been dropped off - despite often being with large groups of strangers/not knowing where the toilet is/who to go to when they need something, or just a bit of reassurance. Maybe 5 onwards but younger than that isn't ideal really if it's somewhere like a large soft play or church hall etc. Also depends on the child. School is abit different so no comparison really with regards to dropping and running!