Page 7 | Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

mymobileisonsilent · 2021-09-12T16:18:10+00:00

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The --very rude child-- then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same. Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/09/2021 17:09

@Somethingwicked9 - I would just not invite the child. You could put ABSOLUTELY NO SIBLINGS ALLOWED on the invitation and cheeky women like her will just ignore it if it doesn't suit. It's unfortunate for the children who would be invited, but if you don't fancy intercepting her and her DDs to say "Invitees only, I can't accommodate any more" and enforcing it, it's the easier way round it. Maybe invite fewer children, rather than the whole class or half the class?

toothpicklover · 14/09/2021 17:19

I used to write 'Sorry no siblings' on the invites, still didn't stop one of the mums from bringing her kid and then that child took my sons party bag and cake. My son was handing them out, only enough for those invited and so my son didn't have one. Unfortunately for her I am not a pushover and so told her that her son had taken my childs birthday cake and that he needs to hand it over as it's not really fair that my son doesn't get a piece of his own cake!

Bloodypunkrockers · 14/09/2021 19:05

I have no heart

I would label the party bags and do wee name cards for their food. No party bags for interlopers. Their parents can console them, not my problem

I don't understand all the bending over backwards not to upset these CFs

PascowV · 14/09/2021 19:06

@toothpicklover

I used to write 'Sorry no siblings' on the invites, still didn't stop one of the mums from bringing her kid and then that child took my sons party bag and cake. My son was handing them out, only enough for those invited and so my son didn't have one. Unfortunately for her I am not a pushover and so told her that her son had taken my childs birthday cake and that he needs to hand it over as it's not really fair that my son doesn't get a piece of his own cake!

Well done!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/09/2021 19:26

@Getawaywithit

When my dc were younger I had to bring younger dd along to any party or my older dd who was always the invitee at the time couldn't have attended. I always dropped off when I could or paid separately to ply and eat if it was somewhere like soft play it here were times I had to stay and there wasn't that option. No one ever complained but i have since worried about it seeing responses on here

I have been single for years with no real support. I always had to take my other children. I always paid entry and a meal and never expected a party bag, Seems single parents and those without support at the right times have never really been welcome. Not sure why that surprises me but it’s very sad for the children concerned.

I’m not single but my husband works weekends. We don’t have any support.

I can see we’re going to have to turn down a lot of party invites.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 19:29

I can see we’re going to have to turn down a lot of party invites.
Why? Why can't you just drop off the child that's actually invited and do something else with the others?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/09/2021 19:44

@GreyhoundG1rl

I can see we’re going to have to turn down a lot of party invites. Why? Why can't you just drop off the child that's actually invited and do something else with the others?

Because they’re 4,3 and a newborn. Four year old has just started reception, 3 year old will be starting nursery soon.

Xmasbaby11 · 14/09/2021 19:52

I've always had parents ask if they needed to brinh a sibling. Often they can pay and join in. If there's a childcare problem, as soon as the child is old enough, I'd ask a fellow parent to watch them, if you know one well enough.

When dd was 6 alot of her friends brought toddler siblings and it did change the atmosphere somewhat but was fine. I'd agreed as it was somewhere you had to drive to, and a rainy day, so I think they wanted their kids entertained.

woodhill · 14/09/2021 20:02

@puffyisgood

I encountered something like this a few years ago. I think it was an old fashioned 'jelly and pass the parcel' type bash for maybe a 6th birthday party, one schoolfriend turned up with their mother who wordlessly left the invited child plus also a much older child [early teens, I think, spent their time fiddling on their phone] for a couple of hours whilst she went out and did whatever. I think something was lost in translation somewhere [I don't think the invitee's parents was born in this country].

Yes this happened at my ds's party and the dm wanted to sleep, she always tried to palm them off on someone then expected us to take them home when there wasn't room in the car, I thought it was very cheeky

Noodledoodledoo · 14/09/2021 21:12

[quote LookItsMeAgain]@Noodledoodledoo - the only acceptable answer if you're offered assistance at these parties (i.e. the siblings would be staying and 'helping you out') is "No, thanks, we've got everything in hand. No additional helpers are needed at the party"[/quote]
Tried that - still trying it on! Managing 30 kids doesn't worry me at all, I do it daily!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/09/2021 23:07

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken - I assume your problem is that you’d need to stay with whichever child is invited to the party, and obviously can’t do that at the same time as taking the other two elsewhere - which is not unreasonable.

In your case, you don’t need to refuse invitations - you need to be honest with the hosts - tell them your circumstances, and ask if your other two can stay - but say you will keep them occupied, and won’t be expecting party food or party bags for them.

I would hope that most parents would understand your position, and wouldn't object to you staying with the other two.

This thread isn’t about people like you - it’s about cheeky fuckers who shove uninvited siblings into parties, let them eat the party food, play (and sometimes win) the games, then take a party bag they aren’t entitled to - there’s a huge difference.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/09/2021 23:34

So if the party is at a church hall, with an entertainer, I’m expected to keep my other two children separate from the party at the other side of the hall?
I can’t imagine that would be better than politely declining until they’re old enough to be left.

Original poster

mymobileisonsilent · 15/09/2021 01:37

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

You leave your other kids at home with your partner/ husband / wife / their grandparents / friend / babysitter. If your child never goes to a party then they won't get used to it.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 15/09/2021 01:55

How will you know that your child is old enough to be left if you don't leave them?

If your 4 yo can be left at reception they can be left at a party.

FortunesFave · 15/09/2021 05:31

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

So if the party is at a church hall, with an entertainer, I’m expected to keep my other two children separate from the party at the other side of the hall? I can’t imagine that would be better than politely declining until they’re old enough to be left.

What on earth do you mean? How old would your child with an invitation be? Why can't you leave them at the party without you?

FortunesFave · 15/09/2021 05:33

Also AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken erm YES! Your other kids aren't invited to the party so why would you expect them to participate? Ideally, you'd leave your older child there and remove your others to do something else....you leave your oldest at school don't you?

Plumtree391 · 15/09/2021 05:42

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

So if the party is at a church hall, with an entertainer, I’m expected to keep my other two children separate from the party at the other side of the hall? I can’t imagine that would be better than politely declining until they’re old enough to be left.

Why are you there in the first place? I used to drop mine off at parties and pick up at the end, so did everyone else.

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 05:55

My parents never stayed at a party. They dropped us off and then usually the father of the party child would take us all home. That was one of the best bits of the party, cramming a load of us in the car and dropping each of us off home. It's against the law now, of course, but happy days.
Is it a thing now that parents stay at the party with the children? What a faff. And I never knew,any sibling to go to a party uninvited. No CFs then!

HeronLanyon · 15/09/2021 06:06

Me too porridge. Or whichever parent had a bigger car would scoop up and drop off a series of children. Imagine. Or we’d walk or cycle home.
Never ever siblings unless of the birthday child. And only a small number of parties. I don’t remember any whole class invites in my school ever. Parties were for friends and a mix of some from class some local or from activités you might do etc. Never a ‘party bag’ (shudder) and cake eaten there not brought home etc.

Can’t believe some parents would invite themselves and siblings with no word to host as to why it may be unavoidable (say some physical need of child etc).

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/09/2021 07:21

I used to have to take dd2 with me alot but I would keep her away from the party. If she got a bit fidgety I'd take her out and walk her around the car park or something.

Quite often they'd be others as well partners work and people are rarely home together at the same time as their shifts work around eachother and if they can't bring the kids with them they can't come. It's one shit party if no ones there cis eveeyibes more interested in their principles re siblings siblings the party itself.

I've thrown a few parties ajd siblings have never been an issue. If it's a pay per head sift play thing the families always just paid for their extra kid which they could do as a member of the public as its not closed to the public. Then we all just keep an eye on the kids eating upstairs ajd they buy sone chips and stay downstairs with other one.

Quite often in the halls their would be seating laid out fir the parents which almost acted as " penning off" a chink of the hall anyway and siblings would just stay there out the way.

I always over catered anyways I'd go ajd tell the parents they were welcome to have some and give sone to their kids.

As long as they don't interfer with the party it doesn't matter surely?

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/09/2021 07:31

One thing i don't understand is, it's not equally cheeky to expect one poor bugger to take, supervise and collect multiple other kids?

I didn't drive to start with. It was 2 buses to most parties I'd never have had time go home again so I stayed. I watched your kids tied their laces , wiped theor tears, held their hand when they got over whelmed, poured their drinks , found their jumpers etc by the way while you all thought you were so much better than me and my toddler up the other end of the hall cos you didn't bring one...

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/09/2021 07:37

[quote mymobileisonsilent]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

You leave your other kids at home with your partner/ husband / wife / their grandparents / friend / babysitter. If your child never goes to a party then they won't get used to it. [/quote]
I don’t have anyone to leave them with! That’s the point.
When this comes up, we’ll simply just not go.

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 07:48

@Whatwouldscullydo
As long as they don't interfer with the party it
doesn't matter surely?

The op said that an uninvited sibling, 5 years older than the party child's guests, joined in the games and won prizes off younger children and wanted a lunch box which left the op short. So they did interfere with the party.
Sorry, I didn't understand some of your other points.

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/09/2021 07:59

I think.its quite often swings and round abouts isn't it? Quite often people " get a better offer" and are a no show on the day... siblings can sometimes help out with numbers.

I think there's alot of " entitled " behaviour that goes on at parties. Siblings are often the least if the problems.

The trick is to lower standards I think. It never goes ro plan...

Indoctro · 15/09/2021 08:03

I'm sick of this and it's a right pain so this time I just hired a giant hall and bouncy castle thing and did party 2-4pm so I didn't need to do food and just bought loads of crisps and juice so I had plenty and at end gave out a bag of sweets as in the past the numbers have been way off due to siblings

Around 6 extra arrived this time.