Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

[mymobileisonsilent]

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The very rude child then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Well why don't you leave your child at the party? Surely most do?

@FortunesFave

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Well why don't you leave your child at the party? Surely most do?

I think it would be just as bad to turn up expecting to drop them. We’ve only been to parties for the children of family members and my friends’ children so all mine were invited. No parents I’ve seen have ever dropped them and gone. I think it would be considered really poor form to do that by many people.

I’m also not comfortable leaving any of them with strangers.

My options are:

Turn up expecting to drop them off with strangers- some parents will think I’m an arsehole

Ask if I can bring the other two and keep them separate from the party - some parents will think I’m an arsehole and I’ll have to spend my morning/ afternoon explaining to my three/ four year old why they can’t play with the other kids.

Or only going to parties where all three are explicitly invited -some parents will think I’m an arsehole for turning down party invites.

So, my preference would be to not go and take all three to do something together. (And be the arsehole that turns down party invites.)

AllTheUserNames Well, I don't think you're unreasonable to be nervous about leaving a 4 year old....but over 5 and it's totally normal once they're in school full time.

The best thing to do would be to ask..."Is it ok for me to drop her off or do you prefer parents to stay?"

Most want you to dump and run....SOME don't...so ask.

But let's imagine it's a part in a church hall and they want you to drop off but you're not happy to do that AND you have nobody to babysit AND they're not keen on siblings...what I'd do is sit with a picnic close to the venue.

If the party is at a soft play centre (horrible amounts are) then you have to pay for your younger two to go in and look after them separately to the party group.

I think it would be just as bad to turn up expecting to drop them
We’ve only been to parties for the children of family members and my friends’ children so all mine were invited. No parents I’ve seen have ever dropped them and gone. I think it would be considered really poor form to do that by many people

Luckily my party days are iver but I have to confess I always found the drop and go thing harder work than siblings tbh. Older kids I usually just " put to work" so I always had a few extra bags if sweets as a thank u anyway. It seemed that often the kids that would have required the supervision, ie the ones likely to get over excited or the ones who were actually really quite nervous /shy were the ones often left, and you were trying to " fire figgt" as well as cook/get food out etc.

To those who hang around at parties, do you drop your child to school and hang around? Do you drop your child to nursery and stay with them? Do you??? It's not poor form and if you are concerned about it being poor form, why not check with the parents of the child who is having the party what the mums & dads of the invited kids are expected to do - stay or drop and run? That way you'll know for definite.

I would adopt the same tactic when it comes to parties, arrive, say hello make sure that my child was happy playing with the party kids and leave. I would tell my child that I will be back when the party is over to collect them (just as I would do if I were leaving them to school or nursery) and leave.
They will have fun and you won't be hovering around and possibly getting in the way.

If the party is at a soft play centre (horrible amounts are) then you have to pay for your younger two to go in and look after them separately to the party group

This would be the ideal party invite for us. Hopefully this will be the kind that starts arriving.

@Whatwouldscullydo

It’s just a bloody minefield haha

@Bloodypunkrockers

I have no heart

I would label the party bags and do wee name cards for their food. No party bags for interlopers. Their parents can console them, not my problem

I don't understand all the bending over backwards not to upset these CFs

Same here. Some people are cheeky, but they only get away with it because people let them

The thing is that it is your DC's party with their friends and not a free for all! I would be straight that the sibling is not invited. Siblings do not have to go everywhere together!

Parties are expensive, you cannot cater for everyone.

My DS was friends with both twins at school but as they got older he was only friends with one of them, so only one of them was invited. The twins parents were fine with this, both children were individuals and did not get to go to everything the other did.

With one of DS's friend's parties a family just rocked up and dropped an uninvited child off. They literally just opened the car door, the kid climbed out and they sped off!

It’s just a bloody minefield haha

Ha ha I have to admit that pre kids it would have pissed me off massively.

Then it was school and competitive party Central.

You discover if you book it at 10 everyone's either at a sports class or they don't want to get up early enough to go.

Book it at 11 and everyone's late due to said sports class. Book it at 12 everyone's hangry. Book it at1/2 everyone's babies are napping and no one eats the food as they had lunch already . Book it at 4 and everyone expects it to be dinner. And any later and no one can be arsed to come.

Then you have the veggies no one told u about. The asthmatic you didn't know of until they shoved an inhaler in your hand as they leg it out the door. The ones who can't participate very well or take themselves to the toilet because they were allowed to wear the most impractical outfit with a gazillion accessories u spend the entire time picking up and consoling a crying child because it broke.

And then there's the invites themselves which you never knew could be quite so political in their execution.

At the end of all that a few bags of sweets fir the tag alongs really is the least of the worries IME 🤣

I was dreading for this to happen at DS2's trampoline party. I didn't pay for a party, but I bought tickets with food and drink included for all invited children. If anyone had wanted to bring siblings they would have had to book in advance and pay themselves.

@Whatwouldscullydo

One thing i don't understand is, it's not equally cheeky to expect one poor bugger to take, supervise and collect multiple other kids?

I didn't drive to start with. It was 2 buses to most parties I'd never have had time go home again so I stayed. I watched your kids tied their laces , wiped theor tears, held their hand when they got over whelmed, poured their drinks , found their jumpers etc by the way while you all thought you were so much better than me and my toddler up the other end of the hall cos you didn't bring one...

I don't understand this? Are you saying you "paid your way", as it were, by acting as a party helper while all the other mums ignored their kids up the other end of the hall?

No @GreyhoundG1rl

She’s saying the other parents took their kids and left.
She stayed behind and had her toddler up at the other end of the hall. She also helped out with the kids who needed a bit of support but didn’t have an adult with them.

I'm saying whatever people do someone decides it's " cheeky"

Don't invite a sibling/twin amd it's rude, suggests money when asked what they want, -rude

Hanging around is rude but then so is dropping and going when your kid might need you to stay. Bring a sibling and its rude. Some one somewhere will be working out how many stolen bread sticks constitutes being involved. Leaving early /arriving late is rude but then not showing up is rude too.

Its rude not to feed the parents but also rude to expect to be fed as a parent.

Whatever people do someone decides it's rude from who you invite or don't invite right through to the time of day you pick the party..

And yes, those touting the drop and go as the ultimate solutions

Well the host is busy cooking and trying to get the food out and making tea and coffee for the parents. Someone's gotta watch the kids, the ones who fel off the bouncy castle or didnt engage with the entertainer or understand the games or whatever.

Ime it's those who would be considered rude by staying, or having a sibling with them that are doing just that.

Uninvited older siblings have at time been a help. Extra pair of hands fir crowd control etc

I'd rather have them there and buy an extra bag if sweets tbh deal with it all on my own.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Why can't your partner/ the grandparents look after your other children or go with the oldest to try hypothetical party ?

[quote mymobileisonsilent]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Why can't your partner/ the grandparents look after your other children or go with the oldest to try hypothetical party ? [/quote]
My husband typically works all weekend and we don’t have that kind of support from family.

I have to take both of my girls with me pretty much everywhere I go. I'm an immigrant and DH works away, so there is no one else. Babysitters are costly and my children are only 7 months and 2 years, and both still breastfed so it's not that simple.

However, I always ask in advance if it's ok for the other sibling to tag along, and I will always bring food along.

Personally, having experienced many parties , I think some parents go out of their way to make it stingy. If you are inviting someone to a party you are asking their parents to disrupt their weekend for you. Some parents don’t get every weekend together so it can be a big sacrifice. Imo if parents stay you should cater for them too. If the parents have to bring a sibling cater for them too. Don’t invite too many people, less is more.

Imo if parents stay you should cater for them too. If the parents have to bring a sibling cater for them too. Don’t invite too many people, less is more.

Are you suggesting that people should invite less chosen guests/friends of the child, to enable them to better cater to uninvited siblings and their parents?

If it's a massive disruption/inconvenience to you then I suggest you decline the invite.

Parties are extremely expensive, the little bits add up, and even if you do soft play it's often £15 per head. We did a hall party for the entire class and I think I spent £500 . I thought it would be cheaper than the soft play, but it all adds up. I did provide some soft drinks for parents, but it wasn't a family wedding buffet it was a kids party. There was very limited choice for the parents. I have been to other parties where you get a lovely cup of tea made by someone Nan and others were you get sod all.

@stairway

Personally, having experienced many parties , I think some parents go out of their way to make it stingy. If you are inviting someone to a party you are asking their parents to disrupt their weekend for you. Some parents don’t get every weekend together so it can be a big sacrifice. Imo if parents stay you should cater for them too. If the parents have to bring a sibling cater for them too. Don’t invite too many people, less is more.

Or don't

A Mumsnet favourite - it's an invitation not a summons

@MitheringMytryl

I have to take both of my girls with me pretty much everywhere I go. I'm an immigrant and DH works away, so there is no one else. Babysitters are costly and my children are only 7 months and 2 years, and both still breastfed so it's not that simple.

However, I always ask in advance if it's ok for the other sibling to tag along, and I will always bring food along.

A two year old won't be having many party invitations yet. You have all that to come.

When I had parties for mine, at home, there was usually a grandparent or two and one parent-friend to help me and husband. None of the other parents stayed, it just wasn't done that way. I can see that times have changed.

Appreciate that not everyone has the option to leave kids at home. But even with a young child in tow, I wouldn't really feel comfortable descending on the host, particularly at their house. I'd go for a walk or have a drink in a cafe as parties are only usually a couple of hours.

@Whatwouldscullydo

It’s just a bloody minefield haha

Ha ha I have to admit that pre kids it would have pissed me off massively.

Then it was school and competitive party Central.

You discover if you book it at 10 everyone's either at a sports class or they don't want to get up early enough to go.

Book it at 11 and everyone's late due to said sports class. Book it at 12 everyone's hangry. Book it at1/2 everyone's babies are napping and no one eats the food as they had lunch already . Book it at 4 and everyone expects it to be dinner. And any later and no one can be arsed to come.

Then you have the veggies no one told u about. The asthmatic you didn't know of until they shoved an inhaler in your hand as they leg it out the door. The ones who can't participate very well or take themselves to the toilet because they were allowed to wear the most impractical outfit with a gazillion accessories u spend the entire time picking up and consoling a crying child because it broke.

And then there's the invites themselves which you never knew could be quite so political in their execution.

At the end of all that a few bags of sweets fir the tag alongs really is the least of the worries IME 🤣

This I proper snorted reading that! It is so true!

@Whatwouldscullydo

It’s just a bloody minefield haha

Ha ha I have to admit that pre kids it would have pissed me off massively.

Then it was school and competitive party Central.

You discover if you book it at 10 everyone's either at a sports class or they don't want to get up early enough to go.

Book it at 11 and everyone's late due to said sports class. Book it at 12 everyone's hangry. Book it at1/2 everyone's babies are napping and no one eats the food as they had lunch already . Book it at 4 and everyone expects it to be dinner. And any later and no one can be arsed to come.

Then you have the veggies no one told u about. The asthmatic you didn't know of until they shoved an inhaler in your hand as they leg it out the door. The ones who can't participate very well or take themselves to the toilet because they were allowed to wear the most impractical outfit with a gazillion accessories u spend the entire time picking up and consoling a crying child because it broke.

And then there's the invites themselves which you never knew could be quite so political in their execution.

At the end of all that a few bags of sweets fir the tag alongs really is the least of the worries IME 🤣

Here speaketh someone who has been there, done that and worn the tshirt!