To think I am idealising this idea? (Remote living)

[AtlasPine]

What is it really like living remotely? I dream of a house on a hillside miles from town but that’s possibly because of being in one of the busier parts of London now. Have you or do you live remotely? What are the unexpected pitfalls? Would you recommend it in practice?

Being English of course.. I was quizzed about my ancestry.. lol.. And I do have Irish ancestry..

A perfect example of people being nosy and wanting to know your business. I've never felt the need to quiz anyone on their ancestry. It's most often irrelevant. But there are people where I come from that only consider you a local if all your grandparents were born and brought up there. I wish I was joking.

Some people can be so small minded about what is, effectively, something completely outside of your control.

@Whinge

I basically just felt like life was happening somewhere else, and I was just wishing away all my teenage years waiting for mine to start. My last ex was from London and I felt so incredibly jealous of all the opportunities he'd had and all the memories he has from his teenage years, bonding with people who are still his best friends now, getting to play small gigs, learning who he was. I think anyone with kids should think twice before moving somewhere rural because it's honestly horrible and grim in many ways.

Sadly I don't think your experience is an uncommon one. I'd be really interested to hear from others who were teenagers living rurally. Anecdotally from those I know, it wasn't a positive experience for any of them. Primary years were fantastic. But being a teenager living rurally was for many of my friends a very difficult few years, mostly spent counting down until they could escape.

I grew up in a village of about 100 people, and at the time my sisters & I were the only children. I really don't recognise the stories of boredom & frustration. My teenage years felt very free, but it was mostly wandering around the countryside. My best friend lived in a village about 20 minutes drive away, so we were reliant on lifts from parents, but we'd spend most Saturdays hanging out together. One sister spent her weekends helping at the local stables, my other one did a lot of complicated art projects.

I read a huge amount, trips to the cinema or to go shopping were a big event, I had to get used to talking to adults from a young age because there were no other teenagers in the village, but I don't remember being bored or frustrated, and I don't think now that I missed out on much compared to those who grew up in a city. I had be resourceful and independent, entertainment wasn't laid out on a plate, but I think that has been valuable later in life. The biggest downside is lack of employment opportunity & the necessity of moving away for a career - of the three of us, 2 are in London, 1 is in Paris, and it's a full weekend at the minimum if I want to go to see my parents.

I think anyone with kids should think twice before moving somewhere rural because it's honestly horrible and grim in many ways.

There is nothing grim about where we live (on the edge of the Lake District)! My dc are now 13 and 16 and we've lived in a village in a rural area for 7 years. They've been happy here so far. Dd16 is beginning to get slightly itchy feet now and is liking the idea of going to a (preferably smallish) city for university , but she has plenty of local friends, gets the train into Lancaster or occasionally Manchester or hangs out more locally. Ds13 has no desire to be anywhere bigger or busier yet.

I find it odd when people talk about a downside of rural living being the necessity of moving away to have a career. I don't really know anybody who went to university and then went back to settle and work in the place they came from, whether town, city or rural. It wouldn't occur to me to expect my dc to want to come back to live locally as adults.

Yes on the teenagers thing, it was obviously some time ago now for me but I never really felt 'trapped' in the same way that a lot of parents on here report their teenagers feel living in rural areas.

I was in Young Farmers though, and out with them several nights a week from age 11 until my late 20s and the older members would pick us up if parents couldn't/wouldn't take us and once I became an older member I did the same.

As a teen nearly all of my friends also lived on farms or semi rurally, we saw each other at school and at young farmers.

I would encourage anyone living in a rural area to sign the children up for young farmers even if you have never been on a farm in your life. It's a very quick way to make friends for younger teenagers and a great social opportunity for older teens.

They do everything from public speaking/debate competitions, to baking/making, community work, fundraising for local charities, competing in indoor and outdoor sports and there's always a little bit of 'stock judging' thrown in for good measure.

@Scrowy oh yes, the assumption that everyone’s uncultured, thick as mince and racist is tiresome.

From my house I can see two houses I know hold “grade 8” pianists (those are just the ones I know of), there are polyglots and those who’d be right at home on university challenge.

But… seeing them in filthy clothes and a year overdue a barber would have many sneer.

re being near a hospital. I have always known and thought but refuse to let fear and what might happen dictate my life.

We cannot all crowd in large towns

Also reading recent threads re ambulance delays gives a more aware scenario.

Oh lordy, Young Farmers was NOT my style when I lived in a country town. I was taken to what was locally known as the Culchie disco once, never ever again. As I've said on here before, some people are country people and some just are not!

scrowyl re your last paras.. We have a couple like that out here. I was the first they attacked so I vamoosed home.
Heard later that, to quote the person telling me that they had been put back in their box... They thought they were going to reorganise and save the island...

I did as you say is right. Just came and watched and waited,

@EverybodyIsInteresting

Being English of course.. I was quizzed about my ancestry.. lol.. And I do have Irish ancestry..

A perfect example of people being nosy and wanting to know your business. I've never felt the need to quiz anyone on their ancestry. It's most often irrelevant. But there are people where I come from that only consider you a local if all your grandparents were born and brought up there. I wish I was joking.

Some people can be so small minded about what is, effectively, something completely outside of your control.

Ah nol

The man who asked was all in favour of my coming here and trying to find reasons for approval from others who I did not know then were difficult men... sheer kind diplomacy..

And by the way, what do you know of Irish history where the English are concerned? Not good, not good at all...

I understood perfectly and took no offence. He is a lovely man this one.

@lazylinguist

I think anyone with kids should think twice before moving somewhere rural because it's honestly horrible and grim in many ways.

There is nothing grim about where we live (on the edge of the Lake District)! My dc are now 13 and 16 and we've lived in a village in a rural area for 7 years. They've been happy here so far. Dd16 is beginning to get slightly itchy feet now and is liking the idea of going to a (preferably smallish) city for university , but she has plenty of local friends, gets the train into Lancaster or occasionally Manchester or hangs out more locally. Ds13 has no desire to be anywhere bigger or busier yet.

I find it odd when people talk about a downside of rural living being the necessity of moving away to have a career. I don't really know anybody who went to university and then went back to settle and work in the place they came from, whether town, city or rural. It wouldn't occur to me to expect my dc to want to come back to live locally as adults.

Nothing horrible or grim out here, lol... all peaceful and beautiful....,...

Depends how remote. I live in a small rural village. We only get EE and it only works in direct line of sight to the mast (so not in most parts of the village!). We now have fibre but it hasn’t made it to the next village up the valley yet. There is no cable or mains gas. I have an oil fired boiler and a tank that I order a top up for every few months. Most major supermarkets deliver which is great because the nearest decent sized shop is a 30 minute drive away. We have a Spar, small welsh language primary school, pharmacy, pub and a saddle shop!
Everyone has lived here forever (I grew up here, moved away for 10 years and then came back). The walks are lovely, everyone chats to me. I know all the ladies in the Spar, the postman, the Hermes lady etc by name. My family live here. I love my wood fire. I can’t hear traffic. It’s a total pain in the arse to leave the valley to go shopping and I miss Starbucks!

😂 fuck me. I’ve lived in a city bigger than London and of COURSE people are curious about where you come from/what’s your story?

I never once assumed “racist plonker” - but always told them what they wanted to hear.

If people had zero interest in anything outside themselves they’d really not be much fun to be around. I assume you’re not interested in eg the stories of women fleeing Afghanistan? That you’ll just pretend they were born and bred Henley so you don’t appear small-minded?

@witheringrowan I didn't live in a village, I lived in an isolated house in the middle of nowhere with no other houses in sight. I couldn't even walk to a shop to get myself a can of Coke or a bag of crisps. I was completely reliant on my parents for absolutely everything and was unable to gain any independence.

As I said, I also entertained myself. I taught myself three foreign languages, piano and flute to Grade 8 standard and watched a lot of arty foreign films. But for an autistic child who already had social difficulties, being cut off from other kids my age was really bad for my development. I started university at 18 having never kissed anyone, never dated, never really having been to a party. I was painfully shy and was probably naive to a dangerous extent, as were others who grew up very rurally.

It also completely cuts off options for things like dance classes, gymnastics, team sports, etc. I enjoyed dance classes as a younger child living in a town and it simply wasn't possible to carry on when we moved to live rurally. I also had no ability to take my music any further. This reduced my options for the future at a very young age.

To add I work full time from home in a professional job and my kid loves living here. I make the effort to drive her to facilitate play dates and hobbies.

Of course my lifestyle IS essentially solitude. My long term illness means so little energy and I need peace and privacy,

So it is not for me about community or facilities. I rejected several islands I checked out because they were just too busy and active communally and socially.

My neighbour the ferryman came along long faced and worried when I was new. Confessing that they have no facilties here and very upset.
I assured him that I do not need or seek faciltiies.

There are supply lines, a couple or three post deliveries a week. Ferries daily. Supreme air ambulance cover.

For me that is all I need and seek. I would love to be a total solitary but this is the nearest there is

Somehow this thread has focussed on community and problems therein rather than just remote, concerns that apply to any community.

Remote for me means as little contact with others as is feasible and safe.
Which I have here and am at peace with.
Necessities and urgent needs.
Being else independent and not near or in contact with.

The last person I spoke to on the island was the ferryman last week re the shopping. And that is the norm for me and my remote life. REMOTE for me means this.

There's rural, and then remote.

We both WFH so we needed decent broadband in order to move which did limit us.

We're reasonably rural, although we have neighbours on the same road. The village is about a mile away, so you do need a car in winter. Takeaway is limited. But we're in a great location that everything else I need is within a 20 min radius, and 30 or so into a city if we need it. Best of both worlds.

fuck me. I’ve lived in a city bigger than London and of COURSE people are curious about where you come from/what’s your story?

There's a big difference between being interested in the person's story, and quizzing them on their ancestry!

The man who asked was all in favour of my coming here and trying to find reasons for approval from others who I did not know then were difficult men... sheer kind diplomacy

The fact that he felt he needed to find reasons for you to be approved by others says enough.

I lived in a very remote area from when DD was 5 to after she had left home post university. I found it a great place for her to grow up, despite the inevitable ferrying around, and I also enjoyed it. I’ve moved to near Cardiff now though as it’s sooooo much easier to be an older person in a city. Watched my parents struggle rurally - 45 mins to a hospital, no shops within walking distance, no independence once they couldn’t drive…
The country is lovely, but it’s not a place to be old. Nobody should retire there.

I live a fair distance from the nearest town, and would definitely struggle without a car. But we do have fast fibre broadband, electricity and mains water (but no gas supply).
I like it here, but I am quite a solitary kind of person. Someone more gregarious would struggle a bit I would think.

@lazylinguist

I think anyone with kids should think twice before moving somewhere rural because it's honestly horrible and grim in many ways.

There is nothing grim about where we live (on the edge of the Lake District)! My dc are now 13 and 16 and we've lived in a village in a rural area for 7 years. They've been happy here so far. Dd16 is beginning to get slightly itchy feet now and is liking the idea of going to a (preferably smallish) city for university , but she has plenty of local friends, gets the train into Lancaster or occasionally Manchester or hangs out more locally. Ds13 has no desire to be anywhere bigger or busier yet.

I find it odd when people talk about a downside of rural living being the necessity of moving away to have a career. I don't really know anybody who went to university and then went back to settle and work in the place they came from, whether town, city or rural. It wouldn't occur to me to expect my dc to want to come back to live locally as adults.

@lazylinguist I think you might have a very different idea of 'rural' to mine. If your daughter is able to get a train to Lancaster or Manchester, then you're not really isolated at all, are you? My idea of a rural area is not one with a train station with trains running to major towns and cities. The area I grew up in had no public transport at all. I couldn't walk anywhere at all, not even a local shop. The nearest train station was about 50 minutes away by car!

Regarding the second point, university is extremely expensive now. At least those growing up in London, Manchester, etc. have the option of staying at home for university or working for a few years and saving up.

@EverybodyIsInteresting

Being English of course.. I was quizzed about my ancestry.. lol.. And I do have Irish ancestry..

A perfect example of people being nosy and wanting to know your business. I've never felt the need to quiz anyone on their ancestry. It's most often irrelevant. But there are people where I come from that only consider you a local if all your grandparents were born and brought up there. I wish I was joking.

Some people can be so small minded about what is, effectively, something completely outside of your control.

I wouldn’t necessarily see that as ‘nosy’. Ireland is a small place, with a strong sense of local place and kin networks, so it’s entirely natural for people to be interested in connections. I rented an Airbnb in a different part of the country recently and when I eventually met the neighbour, two fields away, we figured out that we were in fact distant cousins and our grandparents were from the same townland at the opposite end of the country. And resident English people in particular often have an Irish connection.

@Coogee

and you'd need to be confident driving on windy rural lanes in the pitch black!

It’s a lot easier if you turn the headlamps on.

Ha! Yes, I'd even go so far as to say windy rural roads you know well are EASIER to drive at night than during the day. You can see the other guy coming at you a lot sooner/above hedge lines if he's got lights on than during the day when you'll only know when you can see the car.

I've lived in some rural places and would always prefer to drive windy roads I know at night. If you know the road, you already tend to know where the passing places and pot holes are

Being 'quizzed about ancestry' implies something a bit more than a pleasant conversation between two people looking for connections.

Where I'm from has a similar sense of place and community, and have often been part of similar conversations. I've never been 'quizzed on my ancestry' though.

Yes, I'd even go so far as to say windy rural roads you know well are EASIER to drive at night than during the day

Totally agree. Unless it's a single track road and you don't know where the passing places are!