To think I am idealising this idea? (Remote living)

[AtlasPine]

What is it really like living remotely? I dream of a house on a hillside miles from town but that’s possibly because of being in one of the busier parts of London now. Have you or do you live remotely? What are the unexpected pitfalls? Would you recommend it in practice?

This is my advice for anyone considering any type of move - work out what you want most from where you live.

It can be practical or emotional. For example, when we moved we wanted it to be cheap (practical). My IL's wanted a property on the sea front (emotional). Then be prepared to compromise on everything else.

@PersonaNonGarter So sorry to hear that. RIP. Praying.

@Mintjulia

I agree with *@ivykaty44*, I lived in London for 10 years and have never been so lonely as then.

Living in a village may mean no takeaway or theatre but people are available and friendly.

That's interesting because I have never been lonely in London. Even when I first moved there, alone. I made friends within a week or so. Whereas in a village - superficial smiles and hellos but all the cliques are formed.

@leavesthataregreen Interesting isn't it. Four years studying and living in south London and then five years in North London, working. I gave it a good try.

When I left, I didn't have a single person to say goodbye to. It was a relief to leave such a cold blank place. Yet it took five minutes to find some good natured gossip and a shared bottle of wine in Wiltshire. Each to their own.

[quote CurlyhairedAssassin]**@SoloISland:
And no car and nowhere to go or need to go in bad weather.. Love being snug inside when a Force OTT gale is shaking the place... LOVE that. Safe and snug by the stove with home made chicken soup simmering and a cat or three purring.. Ah BLISS...

Well you do make it sound nice. But what about when tree comes down onto your shed, or blocks the only road, or when tiles are blown off the roof? It's bad enough when that happens when there are services around to help you but I can't imagine how I'd feel if I were out in the country miles from anywhere and totally on my own and a tree came down onto an electricity pylon and cut off my electricity. It wouldn't feel so cosy and safe then.[/quote]
If @SoloISland is where I think, trees aren’t an issue, and she needs a boat rather than a car.

We live in a village of 5 houses (10 people). We are 2.5 miles from the next village where there is a small shop and a pub. It's 8 miles 15minutes to the town which is small but sufficient. Its the best move we ever made. The world could end and we would be non the wiser. Life is slow and calm. We have the best of both worlds with deliveries available from most supermarkets but very little in terms of traffic through the village (dead end). No just eat but that's not an issue fir us really. Do it!! Rural life is awesome

@SoloISland and @SeriouslyISuppose - thank you for your informative posts, I am so enjoying them!

Just popping on to say thanks all - DP has dreams of rural idyll so showing him.

@icedcoffees So, in your area you could buy a 4 bed terace with garden for £80K? Blimey, that's cheap. Whereabouts are you?

@thepeopleversuswork

It depends to a large extent on your personality: some people might really take to it.

But I would say that remote, rural communities always look more attractive to ta visitor than to someone who lives there.

We had family friends who lived in a seemingly idyllic house on the beach in a remote and very beautiful part of the countryside. We would visit in the summer. It was an incredible place to stay: the epitome of pastoral bliss. I later learned that the wife in the family had had a series of breakdowns because she felt so isolated for most of the year and they eventually ended up moving back to a city because she couldn't deal with it.

You don't say if you have children but I think you need to think very hard about a rural life for them. Very rural areas are great for small children, not so much for teenagers. Opportunities are more limited, schooling can be a challenge, having a social life requires a great deal of ferrying around from parents and there's often very little to do, leading to higher levels of delinquency and drug-taking.

+1 on the teenagers in rural settings point. It was awful being a teenager in a rural area. I had absolutely nothing to do. No youth clubs, no groups, no hobbies. Nothing at all, because there was no bus route and my parents were both working at the time so couldn't give me any lifts. It felt like being trapped in a prison. Summers would just stretch on and on, with every day just like the one before. I used the time wisely to learn languages and teach myself things, but it was no replacement for developing social skills and spending time with people my age.

The opportunities thing was a very big one for me as well...I had quite a lot of musical talent but just nowhere to develop it. If I'd lived in or near London I'd have auditioned at the BRIT school or whatever, but where I was there was just nowhere to do anything like that. Likewise I had to move away at 18 to go to uni....never had the option of saving money by staying at home because there was nowhere commutable.

I basically just felt like life was happening somewhere else, and I was just wishing away all my teenage years waiting for mine to start. My last ex was from London and I felt so incredibly jealous of all the opportunities he'd had and all the memories he has from his teenage years, bonding with people who are still his best friends now, getting to play small gigs, learning who he was. I think anyone with kids should think twice before moving somewhere rural because it's honestly horrible and grim in many ways.

This has been an interesting thread. I am happy on my own and don't need company, but yet, I need to know that other people are nearby.

I would feel terrified being on an island on my own. In fact, that was the end of a Liz Nugent book!

We are pretty rural, but are in a small village (40 houses together, but we are miles from anywhere else). If I'm honest I had fantasised about being completely alone, but feel it wouldn't have suited my dc so much.

There are downsides - need to be organised with shopping as the nearest small shop is half an hour each way, an hour to a proper supermarket. In the winter we are regularly snowed in for a week or more, so supplies are important. A proper pantry is very helpful for food storage for this!

We have electricity but no gas, our heating depends on keeping stoves lit and bringing in coal or wood. This took us a while to get used to, and tbh it is still a huge demand on time in the winter and a pain in the backside. If the stove goes out the house is freezing. Also, if the electricity goes off (which happens pretty regularly) then the stove only heats the room it is in, and we all have to camp out in that room until it is back on.

The lack of local jobs is a big problem. I commute an hour and a half each way, and we spend a lot on fuel. It makes days very tiring. Local childcare options are limited (though we have a fab childminder, I know families who can't find anything suitable). The "local" school is not particularly close, the dc are collected by bus (though this is itself a bit of an experience when they are only 4) and they drive 35 mins to get there. The catchment high school is an hour and a half each way.

When we first moved here it took years to be accepted in any way by the local community. We will always be "outsiders" but after 12 years people will at least speak to us! We had to be pretty thick skinned in the first five years.

There are upsides, of course. It is beautiful. The houses are cheap. It is safe for the dc - playing out is absolutely the norm. Everyone knows each other, which can be a blessing or a curse. Small disputes can become overblown, but there is a real sense of community in serious situations (half the village helped dig our car out when I went into labour with dc2).

A big thing people don't always thing about is the increased chance that your dc will move far away as soon as they hit adulthood. There is very little here for young adults - limited housing, no jobs. Some people return later to have families, but not always.

@AlphabetAerobics

I’d also add that there’s no way in hell an OAP would be “left to rot” on their own. Roads not being cleared? Yeh… at 80 you’ve lived enough winters to have stocked cupboards. You have a gas or Rayburn cooker, “power cut” projects, GPs who still do home visits, neighbours who carry your shopping home, mobile library and if the power goes to shit for days on end, you’ll be scooped up on the back of a quad and taken into someone else’s warm home.

There’s no way an OAP here would be left with no recourse to help, they’d never even have to ask.

The school serves the community here and the OAPs come in regularly to spend the morning with the kids and the kids will visit their houses for carols type thing. Nobody is left alone - unless they want it.

I can’t sleep without the sound of a Gale… if I go away i have Alexa play storms to me. 😁

Thank you for this reality. When I needed urgent help? One phone call was all I made. Less than minutes later I was in hospital. And if my shopping list does not reach the mainland supermarket before Thursday? There will be someone here to check. When I lived in a council flat in the middle of Sheffield, the man in the flat below me died and no one found him for a while. He was an older man who closed the door when he got home and never went out then Here they do not intrude but …

[quote CurlyhairedAssassin]@SoloISland:
And no car and nowhere to go or need to go in bad weather.. Love being snug inside when a Force OTT gale is shaking the place... LOVE that. Safe and snug by the stove with home made chicken soup simmering and a cat or three purring.. Ah BLISS...

Well you do make it sound nice. But what about when tree comes down onto your shed, or blocks the only road, or when tiles are blown off the roof? It's bad enough when that happens when there are services around to help you but I can't imagine how I'd feel if I were out in the country miles from anywhere and totally on my own and a tree came down onto an electricity pylon and cut off my electricity. It wouldn't feel so cosy and safe then.[/quote]
Honestly if you are getting into the realms of what iffery and what aboutery?

We have no tall trees on this side of the island, . The gales scoured them all.... lol...

And think? The folk who lived out here generations ago built houses that are as solid as the rocks they are built on. No flimsy roof tiles. Houses built in the safest aof places and low to the ground.

There is a ruining cottage next door and it was built by hand well over a hundred and fifty years ago. Will try to attach a photo of the gable end wall of one of the sheds/
Power cuts are no great deal. Because of a council and ESb cock up I was without electricity for my first five months out here September to January.

I remember only the sheer peace of that winter. The only thing I missed was the internet and when I went over for shopping as I was doing then and had a car, I took my laptop with me. Got stranded over once and the Parish priest was told and kindly found me and stumped up for a B and B. With free internet.

My memories are of peace in storms. I had a gas cooker by then but the first while it was not connected. I had provided a camping stove in case of this and had the solid fuel stove . Of reading in bed with a torch on my shoulder. Listening to the small radio I bought.

Totally safe and totally cost,

We do get the occasional power cut. But they give the islands priority and ESB, the power folk, have a hugely efficient breakdown /repair system. Especially out here,
A few months ago my power failed. and the trip switch was no help. I had thought it was a power cut but when I called a neighbour?Then it was just the sockets that were out. By then the repair engineers had been notified and I called them to tell them the new situation, He told me to get my own electrician but when I said I was alone and where I was an my age etc? They came over by a special ferry and fixed it. No charge,
Really there is as they say nothing to fear but fear itself.

But as I was thinking earlier. living remote is a way of life not a location.

If you like living in a place where you are quite happy for people to (think they) know your business, rural living is perfect for you.

If you value privacy then odd as it might sound, live where there are lots of people.

[quote icedcoffees]@GettingItOutThere I'm in Cumbria on the coast - outside the National Park.

But people don't want to live here because it's isolated and doesn't have many amenities - no bus service, no UBER, no takeaway deliveries, no McDonald's etc etc.

Our house cost us just under 60k and has a two bedrooms and a garden.[/quote]
What is UBER? I have never had McDonalds etc. Not even fish and chips for many years and that was when I had a family member here. lol..

Puzzles me here the craze for takeaways, Chinese food etc. lol..same over here. .

But mulling all this fascinating thread over in the night? Remote is not a place. It is a way of life like no other. Unique. Living it is not about replicating city or town life but adapting and enjoying the change. And the challenge.

Wonderful thread; thank you everyone,

[quote UrbanRambler]@icedcoffees So, in your area you could buy a 4 bed terace with garden for £80K? Blimey, that's cheap. Whereabouts are you?[/quote]
Yes - there's one for sale on my road for about that price now.

I'm in rural, coastal Cumbria.

But nobody wants to live here as a general rule as it's isolated, we still have half day openings on Wednesday and Saturday. Most things close on Sundays. We don't have UBER or takeaway deliveries. No McDonald's, no fast food, no chain shops or restaurants except two small supermarkets within a 45 minute drive.

The roads are bad, and we get cut off fairly easily in winter due to floods, snow or ice too.

@EverybodyIsInteresting

If you like living in a place where you are quite happy for people to (think they) know your business, rural living is perfect for you.

If you value privacy then odd as it might sound, live where there are lots of people.

That is not true out here. Privacy is respected. No one intrudes on my privacy not I on theirs. I actually know a great deal re many folk here but so what? Respecting them all the more.

And folk will only know the superficial stuff.

City so called privacy is lack of care and caring.. The worst kind of reclusivity. Anonymity.

Here there are boundaries we do not cross because we respect.

No nosey parker officials either..

Opps I meant forty minutes.. I keep forgetting the top row of my keyboard has gone awol.

We lived in a city in the SE of England and school was 1500 pupil comp. DS1 enjoyed it, lots of sports nearby. Moved north DS2 went to a 400 pupil comp in a small rural town! loved it, thrived, captained the footie team, made lots of friends, could cycle to meet up, drive when he was older. Still close to them 10 years on. DS1 in touch with a couple.

It often depends on temperament or luck whether a move is a good think or not.

I don't even live that rurally but things I never thought about were:

• tradespeople: rarely in the locale and if they are then they are expensive and impossible to book. Shower not working? Electricity suddenly off? 3 week wait before someone will come to 'look'
• so hard for people to visit if you are miles from train stations etc. also don't expect to pop to a fiends house unless you fancy a major expedition. Ime people just say it's too far to visit.
• run out of milk? 40 mins there and back in the car. You have to be so organised.
• you need a car that can cope with extremes of weather and potential terrain. These are usually expensive to run

Plenty more that have already been mentioned.

Are you single @SoloISland - I'm just thinking it's quite hard to make such a dramatic move as the chances are your partner is not on board with all it entails.

I would probably turn off the internet part of the week, food shop much less often, make fewer car journeys if DH agreed, but he feels he worked hard all his life and deserves to benefit from it now.

From my back garden

And the over one hundred and fifty year old shed wall. Built by the then owner by hand with rocks from the shore.

@icedcoffees

How rural are you talking? We're in a small rural town:

• nearest hospital is a 45 minute drive.
• no UBEReats or other delivery services.
• no bus service, irregular trains (often cancelled, especially in winter and they don't run at all on Sundays or BH's), limited and expensive taxi services that need to be booked well in advance for long journeys.
• the nearest airport is three hours away
• poor roads in winter which means we're often cut off from everything. DH has numerous "snow days" each year as the roads are closed due to snow and ice or accidents.
• no cinema, bowling alley or chain restaurant within 45 minutes.
• harsh winters in terms of weather.

But there are lots of positives

• gorgeous views and loads of isolated, quiet walks and places to go
• miles of empty coastline to explore
• exceptionally dog friendly
• everyone knows everyone and helps out in an emergency or when you're stuck or in trouble
• some great local independent restaurants, pubs and cafés
• property prices are very low - you can get a 4 bed terrace with a garden for less than 80k.
• fantastic work-life balance for most.

It all depends on what you want and what sacrifices you're prepared to make to get it.

For me the positives are really nowhere near enough to offset the negatives but I am a city girl at heart and getting older so find the idea of too much isolation scary. I want to be able to walk to a shop and get to a hospital reasonably easily as I get older. I know quite a few older people who live in very isolated places ( in the country my parents were born in) and their lives become so small.very early in their old age. It suits some of them but a lot of them are very unhappy . When I compare it with the life full of friends and activities my parents.had for the first 20 years of their retirement I know which I want

@SoloISland I can only speak from my experience. Which is 45+ years of living remotely and 4 years of city living.

Maybe if it's not a place where you are born and brought up, it's different. Maybe if everyone around you don't know you and all your family.

But I am glad to be free of it. I find it stifling. I know what people say about others, I know the assumptions that are made. I was told at work a relative of mine had been killed in a car accident. He hadn't been. He was in a car accident, but he walked away with a single broken bone. When I was pregnant, people decided it was my ex's baby. It wasn't.

Where I am now, it's not free of care. People do care, people are interested. They just have enough people around and enough things happening that the kind of crap that goes on in small communities doesn't happen.

Maybe it doesn't happen where you are. But I know people from other small communities that have moved away, and they all feel similarly to me. So it seems like your community is either the exception, or is just different if your whole family isn't part of it.