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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't put money towards this present?

233 replies

speer · 11/09/2021 23:27

DH is very close to his brother and nephew (16) and they often spend time together.

BILs birthday is coming up, the other day nephew messaged DH telling him he wants to buy him some tickets, but might need his help (buying them online). Nephew told DH he'll pay for his own ticket and BILs but DH could go if he wanted, and he is.

Anyway, today nephew messaged DH saying he doesn't think he has enough money for the tickets (they are expensive, even for just one person!) and has asked DH if he'd give him the money.

DH has already bought BIL a present and these tickets would just be from nephew, and not DH as well even if he put some money towards them.

AIBU to think he shouldn't do this? Just to add, our finances are joint, I wouldn't care if it was his own money.

OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 12/09/2021 05:42

What is the cost?

I would let him do it if possible. It's his brother.

mocktail · 12/09/2021 05:50

Depends on the cost and how much your nephew is contributing. Why can't he is ask his mum?

ClaryFairchild · 12/09/2021 05:50

It depends on so many things. Your finances, and how affordable they are for you, whether your nephew verges in being grabby generally or us genuinely tried to do something thoughtful, what your level of affluence is compared to your BIL, is this ticket a real treat for him or is it expensive because that is generally what they do and they are wealthier than you, why your nephew has changed from asking for a contribution to asking your DH to pay for the whole thing (he must have had SOME money saved up?!)... so many things to consider.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 12/09/2021 05:53

Actually yes why can't his mum help as PP says?

TolkiensFallow · 12/09/2021 05:56

Can’t you take whatever the nephew has saved and then top up? He could buy his dads and you could treat the nephew?

blueskytoday06 · 12/09/2021 06:00

How much money are we talking ?

SpeakingFranglais · 12/09/2021 06:39

@mocktail

Depends on the cost and how much your nephew is contributing. Why can't he is ask his mum?
This.

Why is your husband coughing up, he’s bought a present.

The son should ask his mother, or has he and she said, no.

DeathStare · 12/09/2021 06:47

As others have said - too many unanswered questions to respond really.
What are the tickets for? (Huge difference between a concert/sports match and a holiday)
How much are they?
How much has your nephew saved?
Can your DH afford it?

I think whether of not nephew should ask his mum depends on whether mum and dad are together or separated.

Iflyaway · 12/09/2021 06:54

our finances are joint

I really hope you have a savings account in your own name.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.....

Aprilx · 12/09/2021 07:01

@Iflyaway

our finances are joint

I really hope you have a savings account in your own name.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.....

Don’t be so stupid. They are married. All assets are joint as default, no matter whose account they are in.
RantyAunty · 12/09/2021 07:04

How much are the tickets?

ShuddaBeenMe · 12/09/2021 07:09

Depends on the cost.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 12/09/2021 07:15

Does he work? Can he pay the money back to your husband?

If not, could he do some chores to earn it?

MrsIsobelCrawley · 12/09/2021 07:20

How much discretionary spending do each of you have in the relationship? There is a fine balance between managing joint finances and being financially controlling.

Can your DH afford to pay for the tickets? If so then it is his decision.

Shoxfordian · 12/09/2021 07:23

If you can afford it and it’s a one off then it’d be kind to help him out- has he got some of the money towards it himself? Maybe he can pay you back each month or something

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 12/09/2021 07:33

I don't think Yabu

Personally, If the 3 tickets total were £100 or less i'd let it slide.
If they are £80/100 per ticket, unless there is SEN at play, at 16 you know if you have enough money.
I'd be reminding my DH he bought a gift already and teaching DN to write cheques he cant cash isnt helpful long term.

Its def fair enough for DH to buy his own ticket, but DN asking for him to pay for his DBs ticket and some of his is pretty cheeky.

I'd be telling DN to talk to his mum if he wants the cash!

girlmom21 · 12/09/2021 07:45

I agree with the others - how much is it?
Doesn't he have another parent who can help him?
Does he have form?
Is it a big birthday?
Can you afford it?

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2021 07:51

Is there a back story in why you’d wish him to say no? Because if he can afford it I think it’s a lovely thing to do. Why would you possibly want him to tell his nephew to fuck off?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 12/09/2021 07:57

I have always had joint finances with DH.
If he wanted to be nice, and go to an event with his brother and nephew, I wouldn't bat an eyelid. It sounds like they have a great relationship that should be celebrated.

Nephew should say "uncle Derek helped me with the tickets"
Uncle Derek should say "it's young bobs great idea"

EmeraldShamrock · 12/09/2021 08:05

If DH is happy to help his nephew with this idea why question it?
Is money tight?

diddl · 12/09/2021 08:08

Is it a big birthday, must the tickets be bought this year?

I mean I'm sure that we've all wanted to buy things for people that we can't afford.

And of course when it's something that you want for yourself as well it's doubling the price...

NewPapaGuinea · 12/09/2021 08:10

At 16 he can work to earn the money.

takehomepay · 12/09/2021 08:12

YANBU. I wouldn’t be happy with this.

devildeepbluesea · 12/09/2021 08:14

Agree with most other PP. If you're not going to be left on the breadline by this, it'd be a nice thing for your DH to do for his brother and nephew. Based on the information you've given, you sound a bit mean spirited.

Justilou1 · 12/09/2021 08:15

Ahaha CF Nephew