To think DH shouldn't put money towards this present?

[speer]

DH is very close to his brother and nephew (16) and they often spend time together.

BILs birthday is coming up, the other day nephew messaged DH telling him he wants to buy him some tickets, but might need his help (buying them online). Nephew told DH he'll pay for his own ticket and BILs but DH could go if he wanted, and he is.

Anyway, today nephew messaged DH saying he doesn't think he has enough money for the tickets (they are expensive, even for just one person!) and has asked DH if he'd give him the money.

DH has already bought BIL a present and these tickets would just be from nephew, and not DH as well even if he put some money towards them.

AIBU to think he shouldn't do this? Just to add, our finances are joint, I wouldn't care if it was his own money.

I think if you give money to help someone, it should be done discreetly and you should not want recognition for it. Never let your right hand know what your left is doing.

If he can afford it yes it will be worth the memories together much more valuable than money 2bh. It hopefully would be a special time for them all. :)

No I wouldn’t do it. It’s not a great lesson for your DN for a start / yes it’s lovely he had this idea but he’s old enough to have properly looked at the prices and realise two tickets were well out of his budget. He can’t afford this. He can’t buy gifts that are massively out of his budget just because he thinks they’d be liked. If this was a girlfriend he wanted to spend £180 on (two tickets) and had only £70 to put towards I’d doubt many posters would be rushing to say OP should be paying the additional £110 so DN can buy gf the dream gift. It’s same principle and a really good life lesson for DN (ie don’t overspend even if for others and don’t try to buy people things you can’t afford). He needs to get his dad something else. You stick with the gift you already have.

Separately from any birthday involvement I would say DN should speak to his dad about the event. Explain that he’d like to go and thinks they’d all enjoy it together and Uncle had agreed he’d buy his own ticket and he (DN) had £70 towards his ticket. Then it’s up to his dad (and mum unclear if she’s on scene) if they can afford to pay £90 for the dads ticket and £20 for rest of DN ticket plus any additional costs like transport, etc. That is a family decision for them. I’d be quite proud of my child if they came to me with this proposal and provided I could afford it I’d buy at least half their ticket myself and enjoy spending time with them and my brother at the event. I’d be less proud if I found out they’d spent massively over budget on a gift for me when they didn’t have the money.

I don't think everything we experience in life has to contain a "lesson"...

The best present would be the uncle teaching dn to live within his means.
Great suggestion dn, but as YOU can't afford it this time, how about saving for next year and getting a different present with the £70.
Same as most do when taking kids to the shops to spend their pocket money. No you can't afford that, either buy something else or save some more and come back when you have enough.
Unfortunately there's no telling if this ask will be a one off or a yearly occurrence. Nip it in the bud.

3 family members wanting to attend an event together isn't a big deal IF you can afford the tickets easily. Wouldn't even be classed as a birthday gift in our house, just a nice shared experience for said family members.

TBH if it's causing this much angst you just can't afford it and should say no on these grounds.

All the guff about 'life lessons' and getting 'credit' for contributing towards a gift are just further indicators that it's not within the family financial envelope.

No not everything needs to be a “lesson” but my opinion is that this is an important one for a 16 year old to have and will hopefully lead to him making sensible financial decisions in the future and not getting into debt etc. I think that’s an important “lesson”.

I still think they should all go to the event as they seem to enjoy each other’s company and it would be nice for them all. That’s providing the adults wish to and can afford it and they should pay their own way and the DN pay his (tbh if it was my child I’d pay for them if could afford as it’s an event I would enjoy going to with them).

I'd have suggested you get them, it obviously means a lot to your Nephew