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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend said my best friend is very pretty

198 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 11/09/2021 19:52

I was talking to my boyfriend about one of my best friends being upset because of her weight and not wanting to start dating due to it. I said something along the lines of her doing her best to lose the weight, but that regardless, she has a really great personality and she’s very pretty. My boyfriend then quickly agreed, “when I saw her at … I did notice that she does have a very pretty face”. He’s only met her once. But Jesus. Great to know that he’s thinking about my friends being pretty when I introduce him. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/09/2021 16:55

I can’t bring myself to read all the comments but don’t worry, I get the general idea of how a more level headed woman would have reacted in this situation.

I’m so tired of living like this. I just want it to end.

OP posts:
WellLarDeDar · 13/09/2021 16:58

What do you want him to do? tell you that he thinks everyone apart from you is an ugly fuck?
Yabu! I laughed when I read your post OP I really did!!!

shouldistop · 13/09/2021 17:03

@WildflowerWildfire just read your updates. Are you getting any help?

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 17:21

@WildflowerWildfire

I can’t bring myself to read all the comments but don’t worry, I get the general idea of how a more level headed woman would have reacted in this situation.

I’m so tired of living like this. I just want it to end.

Op serious question and no judgement

Are you managing to parent on?

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/09/2021 17:32

Yes, my child is absolutely fine. It’s me who isn’t

OP posts:
Marni83 · 13/09/2021 17:34

But if you are a single parent, are you sure?

She needs to be your priority op. Not relationships with boyfriends

YouTubeAddict · 13/09/2021 17:38

You come across as insecure. DH and I will say to each other if we think that someone is handsome/pretty. That could be in real life or on the telly 😂 Doesn’t mean anything 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/09/2021 17:54

@Marni83 I can assure you that my child is my priority and always will be.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/09/2021 17:59

@WildflowerWildfire

Are you getting any support specifically for your EUPD? It sounds like it's really starting to make you feel at a loss as to how to cope and you deserve not to feel that way.

Marni83 · 13/09/2021 18:03

* I’m so tired of living like this. I just want it to end.*

Op this does not sound good for a single parent to be feeling like this

CallMeNutribullet · 13/09/2021 18:08

OP given how you're feeling, AIBU is probably the worst place you could post. It's ruthless and people will be arseholes even after you explain about your BPD.

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/09/2021 18:12

@Marni83 ok you’re clearly never going to agree that I’m capable of being a good parent as well as having crippling mental health. I can compartmentalise the two very well but thank you for your concern.

OP posts:
ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 13/09/2021 18:28

Jesus wept. Seriously?

Flowers500 · 13/09/2021 18:52

It doesn’t sound like you’re in a place to be in a relationship. Your behaviour to your friend is also quite horrible here and it might be worth stepping back. How is parenting going, tell us more about that? What support are you getting in life and medically?

Yummypumpkin · 13/09/2021 19:57

EUPD is a horrible thing to live with. I think the OP has had quite enough bullying. She didn't ask for parenting advice and a couple of threads above will be reported as bullying, plain and simple.

MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 11:00

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@Marni83 ok you’re clearly never going to agree that I’m capable of being a good parent as well as having crippling mental health. I can compartmentalise the two very well but thank you for your concern.[/quote]
@WildflowerWildfire
The issue appears to be that you are displaying typical BPD behaviours. Whilst people with BPD often feel that they are being reasonable, they rarely are and they tend to negatively impact those around them until they get their BPD under control. Your OP an subsequent replies shows that your BPD is clearly not under control. The reality is that it will be, in some way, impacting negatively on your child as that is the nature of untreated mental health issues, you can not compartmentalise BPD, that is not how it works.

If you are serious about being a good parent then I urge you to engage with a qualified professional who can help you manage your BPD, either through DBT or other forms of therapy.

Marni83 · 14/09/2021 15:54

@Yummypumpkin

EUPD is a horrible thing to live with. I think the OP has had quite enough bullying. She didn't ask for parenting advice and a couple of threads above will be reported as bullying, plain and simple.
Thankfully I think HQ realised that no bullying whatsoever has taken place
MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 16:03

@Yummypumpkin

EUPD is a horrible thing to live with. I think the OP has had quite enough bullying. She didn't ask for parenting advice and a couple of threads above will be reported as bullying, plain and simple.
If you ask for advice on an open forum, you do not get to cherry pick which bits of advice it is acceptable to publish. Getting an answer you do not want to hear is not bullying.
hangrylady · 14/09/2021 16:05

I'd be pissed off too OP ... if I was 12

LimeRedBanana · 14/09/2021 17:27

This thread is uncomfortable reading now.

The OP is clearly struggling. Maybe people can bear that in mind when they post. The ‘spirit of the site’, and all that?

KingdomScrolls · 14/09/2021 18:57

OP do you have a care coordinator you can speak to?

nannannanana · 14/09/2021 19:01

If my DH said my best mate wasn't pretty I'd be annoyed. Even if he didn't think it!

DeeCeeCherry · 14/09/2021 19:06

Serves you right for gossiping about her to him. I bet you wanted him to compare you to her favourably, or agree that she is overweight. Well, she's not feeling great and you're telling your bloke all about that. So now you don't feel too great and I've zero pity for you

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