Boyfriend said my best friend is very pretty

[WildflowerWildfire]

I was talking to my boyfriend about one of my best friends being upset because of her weight and not wanting to start dating due to it. I said something along the lines of her doing her best to lose the weight, but that regardless, she has a really great personality and she’s very pretty. My boyfriend then quickly agreed, “when I saw her at … I did notice that she does have a very pretty face”. He’s only met her once. But Jesus. Great to know that he’s thinking about my friends being pretty when I introduce him. Aibu?

Oh dear, pressed some buttons here! I just think it’s best to tread carefully when praising the physical attractiveness of your partner’s friends!

Doesn’t mean you can’t say they’re attractive, just go steady with it.

Yes, I did.

You suggested he follow up with possibly trite nonsense “not a patch on you, of course”.

OP’s friend may simply be prettier. Why does her boyfriend need to follow up with anything?

My husband of 33 years loves me. If he said that Angelina Jolie had a pretty face but wasn’t a patch on me, I’d know he was spouting BS.

OP has the issue, not her boyfriend. Jealousy is very destructive. Pandering to it isn’t helpful.

Oh dear well, ok. I hear that you feel very strongly about this.

I still think it’s a good idea to tread carefully when praising the attractiveness of your partner’s friends.

Ps there is a massive difference on Angeline Jolie and a close friend. And it makes a difference! But you know that

Well indeed, but most women aren’t stupid and recognise rubbish when they hear it.

Someone who is so jealous that they need to be fed platitudes really needs to get some counselling.

It’s awful for a partner to have to walk on eggshells because their gf/bf is jealous for no reason.

Oh shut up! what did you want him to say "nah, she's dog rough" just to make you feel better?

A lot of vitriol towards the OP on this thread.

I wouldn't like it if my partner did that either OP, there's no need to tell your partner that you've noticed how attractive their friend is.

No vitriol here. Just sad for someone who is irrationally jealous: not a happy way to live.

Should he have lied?

@pollypocketlover

I wouldn't like it if my partner did that either OP, there's no need to tell your partner that you've noticed how attractive their friend is.

So I’m intrigued to know- what would have been the ‘correct’ response from him then if you’re saying he shouldn’t have agreed with the OP?

Right ok so if this is real, what response do you wish he had said op?

This has really upset you,ask yourself exactly what response you were expecting/would have been happy with?

I'll take a guess that you wanted him to disagree or say something negative about her weight and then compliment you and tell you that you look better/he only notices you etc.

Hope you're getting proper help and care for you EUPD.

You said she’s pretty, he said she’s pretty, she’s obviously pretty! What a faff about nothing,

Probably just agree that she shouldn't let her weight discourage her from dating. You can also agree that someone has no need to think of themself as unnattractive without pinpointing the exact location at which you noticed their attractiveness and singling out a specific aspect of them that you found attractive, in this case OP's friend's face.

I just asked DP if he'd mind if, upon telling me his friend was struggling with self-esteem around his looks and saying he shouldn't because he's handsome, I replied something along the lines of 'I agree! When I saw him at the BBQ last weekend I noticed he has a very attractive face'. He said he wouldn't appreciate it.

I'm not interested in changing anyone's views on this though, if people think this makes me jealous/irrational/controlling/[insert] I won't begrudge them their opinion.

@pollypocketlover

I wouldn't like it if my partner did that either OP, there's no need to tell your partner that you've noticed how attractive their friend is.

Ah, I feel for you. That must be an exhausting way to live, where your partner can’t even agree your friend is pretty when the context arises.💐

@Bluntness100

I appreciate you having me in your thoughts

I would prefer pretty to petty!

YABU. You think she's pretty, your boyfriend agreed with you,
I'm struggling to see what he's done wrong

@pollypocketlover wow, you and your partner must be two very insecure people then if you both won’t allow each other to comment objectively on someone else’s looks or attractiveness without getting jealous! Most normal people grow out of that when they’re about 14.

He sounds lovely. He was supporting you.

@Sweetchocolatecandy I suppose we must be if you say so! Please keep us in your prayers, and maybe one day we will be able to overcome our insecurities and become normal people.

I will say though, a priest tried to exercise my insecurities out of me once and he wasn't very successful. I started winding my head round and vomitting everywhere. Maybe MN will be my salvation though, who knows.

@pollypocketlover

I wouldn't like it if my partner did that either OP, there's no need to tell your partner that you've noticed how attractive their friend is.

It's not as if he went out of his way to tell her.

She was (inappropriately) discussing her friends (private) issues and said even though her frirnd was fat she had a pretty face & he agreed!

What was he meant to do??

I would say this is very strange. My advice would be to move on to someone else because I can see there are going to be issues later in the relationship.

That’s my advice to him, not you by the way..

Yabu.

And what does EUPD have to do with it?

Your bf was just agreeing with you. Would you rather he'd said 'Christ, no, she's like the back end of a bus'?

Are you so lacking in self esteem that you can't stand him reacting positively to how your friend looks?