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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend said my best friend is very pretty

198 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 11/09/2021 19:52

I was talking to my boyfriend about one of my best friends being upset because of her weight and not wanting to start dating due to it. I said something along the lines of her doing her best to lose the weight, but that regardless, she has a really great personality and she’s very pretty. My boyfriend then quickly agreed, “when I saw her at … I did notice that she does have a very pretty face”. He’s only met her once. But Jesus. Great to know that he’s thinking about my friends being pretty when I introduce him. Aibu?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 12/09/2021 14:49

I think you should see it as a positive thing - he feels he can be honest with you and that you trust him.

pinkyredrose · 12/09/2021 14:56

Ah the time honoured 'compliment' for the overweight woman, being described as having a 'pretty face'. Hmm

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/09/2021 16:29

Lots of overweight women do have pretty faces. Should no-one tell them so?

Recessed · 12/09/2021 16:35

I'll be honest and admit I'm (internally) quite a jealous person and never liked my husband openly admiring another woman - I want all the compliments for me Grin but even I wouldn't have an issue with this at all! Unless he has a history of cheating?

pinkyredrose · 12/09/2021 16:50

Lots of overweight women do have pretty faces. Should no-one tell them so?

You've missed the point.

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2021 16:55

@MrsSkylerWhite

Lots of overweight women do have pretty faces. Should no-one tell them so?
As do lots of healthy weight and underweight women? What’s that got to do with anything. You spectacularly missed th point.
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/09/2021 17:18

So what is the point?

Why can’t it just be taken as a compliment? Some people have pretty faces, some don’t. What’s their weight got to do with it?

GroggyLegs · 12/09/2021 17:27

The 'pretty face' compliment is back handed - the unspoken implication is the rest of you is gross but your saving grace is a pretty face set into your otherwise unlovable body.

Also, it shores up the bullshit that women's worth is linked to desirability.

Heard it loads as a young adult, usually from men trying to justify to themselves why they were trying to shag a fat lass.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/09/2021 17:34

@GroggyLegs

The 'pretty face' compliment is back handed - the unspoken implication is the rest of you is gross but your saving grace is a pretty face set into your otherwise unlovable body.

Also, it shores up the bullshit that women's worth is linked to desirability.

Heard it loads as a young adult, usually from men trying to justify to themselves why they were trying to shag a fat lass.

Exactly. There is a difference between saying "she's pretty" and "she has a pretty face." I've only ever heard the latter description when people are talking about women who aren't slim. If the woman is slim, people tend to just say "she's pretty" rather than insinuating the rest of her isn't attractive by specifying her face.
5128gap · 12/09/2021 17:41

The pretty face comment about overweight women also often follows someone saying or implying 'Its a shame...' about her weight (spoiling her prettiness) which i suspect is probably very much what the comment OP to her BF made sounded like.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/09/2021 17:50

GroggyLegs

The 'pretty face' compliment is back handed - the unspoken implication is the rest of you is gross but your saving grace is a pretty face set into your otherwise unlovable body.

Also, it shores up the bullshit that women's worth is linked to desirability.

Heard it loads as a young adult, usually from men trying to justify to themselves why they were trying to shag a fat lass “

That’s so nasty.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 12/09/2021 17:51

Oh grow up. Are you 12? Would you rather he said she looked like a pig chewing a cinder. As to not make you feel insecure?

GroggyLegs · 12/09/2021 18:22

@MrsSkylerWhite - I hope that's aimed at the shitty attitude society has against women who have more adipose fat than average, and not me?

PurpleOkapi · 12/09/2021 19:01

@AtrociousCircumstance

But what if he does think the friend is prettier than OP? Then he'd be lying if he said otherwise.

Blossomtoes · 12/09/2021 19:06

Best blindfold him, OP.

PurpleOkapi · 12/09/2021 19:17

And seriously, OP: Pretty women exist, and some of them are even prettier than you are. He has eyes, so he's going to be aware of those facts. I'd be more worried if he denied it and insisted no one but you was pretty, because he'd obviously be lying. I'd wonder why he chose that specific thing to lie about, and what else he might be lying about that was less obvious.

debwong · 12/09/2021 19:43

@WildflowerWildfire

Wow. What lovely responses.

I’m not “very young” no. But I have EUPD which may skew my views on things. I just wanted opinions.

We are out of the EU now so you actually have UKPD.
Marni83 · 12/09/2021 19:47

@AtrociousCircumstance

No, didn’t you read my post? 🤣
“Not a patch on you”

But that could be a lie, couldn’t it

Crimsonripple · 12/09/2021 19:50

He sounds like a nice guy who is supporting your friend, albeit through you, in her time of low. Grow up and stop being a cow!

DerAlteMann · 12/09/2021 19:52

YABU and seem to be over anxious. Are you 17?

WhatAShilohPitt · 12/09/2021 22:59

Then if you have a condition which makes you prone to misreading things, say that at the start so people know to be more gentle than they would if they just think you are being silly for no good reason. It’s AIBU. And you have nothing to worry about.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/09/2021 10:31

GroggyLegs

@MrsSkylerWhite - I hope that's aimed at the shitty attitude society has against women who have more adipose fat than average, and not me?“

Yes of course. I’ve been fat and thin, my husband is obese, was when I fell in love with him. I really don’t give a second thought to what people weigh, it doesn’t matter.

Just what you described isn’t something I’ve ever experienced (at least I don’t think I have).

ChargingBuck · 13/09/2021 10:49

@WildflowerWildfire

I was talking to my boyfriend about one of my best friends being upset because of her weight and not wanting to start dating due to it. I said something along the lines of her doing her best to lose the weight, but that regardless, she has a really great personality and she’s very pretty. My boyfriend then quickly agreed, “when I saw her at … I did notice that she does have a very pretty face”. He’s only met her once. But Jesus. Great to know that he’s thinking about my friends being pretty when I introduce him. Aibu?
Do you like testing people, & playing passive-aggressive games OP?

You told him your friend is pretty.
He agreed.
So what?

You set your b/f up to fail here, & are now blaming him for ... what, exactly?
What did you want - for him to lie to you, to massage your ego?

IReallyCantThinkOfAnything · 13/09/2021 11:22

I feel sorry for your bf…. He sounds like he was just being nice. Hopefully the feedback on here will help you see that.

shouldistop · 13/09/2021 11:24

Christ, he was just being nice about one of your friends.

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