To think DH is being unrealistic

[beewritesx]

DS and myself were invited to a very good friend's DDs birthday party. She lives out in the country so it's impossible to get there via public transport. I have a full driver's license but no car and it would cost a lot to insure me on DH's car (things are very tight!). So, my mother was going to take us but my brother (who lives with her) has symptoms of Covid so, understandably, she cancelled. I asked around for lifts and eventually ended up asking DH who very reluctantly agreed. Whilst we were in the car, he told me he is sick or cancelling his plans to take me places and that "any normal person" would've cancelled. Basically, he wanted to go fishing and photographing sunsets. We also have a pick-up from Aldi to collect at 6 pm which has upset him as he wanted to out with the camera at that time (I ordered it for earlier, but Aldi changed it). He has known about this birthday party all week, but thought my mum was taking us. He clearly thinks I'm being unreasonable. I explained that he's a family man now and these things are part and parcel, but he retorted that I'm unable to miss out on any social event (despite the fact that our son was invited)! He constantly makes "jokes" about me being "clingy" and always asking him for stuff.

I've ranted enough about him on here, but in all honesty, he does nothing around the house. He doesn't take the bins out, cut the grass, financially contribute to anything we actually need (curtains, a tumble dryer), he won't take things to the skip!

On the other hand, he has a lovely bond with our son who adores him! He can also be very kind on occasion. When I told my friend (at the party) about our argument, she was shocked and said his attitude is unacceptable.

He is an artist and likes being creative. I know he finds the business of family life stressful and frustrating and he feels like he has no time to express his creativity. However, I am at the end of my tether. He stays up gaming and leaves empty packets lying around the house just after I've cleaned (within less than 1 metre of a bin, may I add) and there's seems to be no appreciation for anything I do. His opinion is that the government pay me to "stay at home" so it's only natural I do housework. If he didn't perform his duties at work, he'd be fired. He said this during the heat of argument so whether that's what he really thinks... Who knows?! Probably!

but he's the lead tenant so refused No such thing anymore. If you are named on the tenancy you have equal right. It's just a hangover and is usually the person whopaid the deposit, for convenience only.

So it isn't a given that you have to leave, BUT he wouldn't be able to pay for it alone whereas you, with the kids, UC, CM etc might be able to.

Start thinking logically, stop believing his version of things, he doesn't seem to have been honest or fair with you ever!

He only pays for the things he wants: rent, car, TV, computer and internet, phone, his own food when out, clothes and hobby equipment. Funny how utilities and council tax isn't on that list. Bet he runs up debts there living alone. All the normal family stuff he leaves to you. Totally unreasonable.

The furniture you bought is yours so take that when you go, don't feel like you have to leave something for him, you don't. If you bought it you take it. That includes furniture and white goods, rugs or unfitted carpets, fixtures and fittings you've added eg if you screwed coat hooks into the wall unscrew them and take them for your new place, electronics, food, cleaning supplies and ironing things, bedding and towels, all babies clothes toys and equipment as well as your own. If the house is completely empty without even a spoon or a teabag left that's his problem.

Take the frigging lightbulbs too if you bought them! Then you don't have to go out the first night spending £20 on lightbulbs for the new place if it turns out none of them work. Nothing you bought for that house is wasted money because its yours and you can take it with you.

Look for somewhere else to rent and move out while he's at work, to avoid any argument about what you're taking, because he's the kind of selfish git who'll expect everything in the house except your clothes to be left behind, he won't have thought about how it's all actually your possessions and you'll take them.

Your UC will go up without his wage coming in. Sell whatever you don't need, to get together a deposit for your own place. Also because the less stuff you own the smaller moving van you'll need. You can hire one yourself without needing a removals company. I'm sure your mum would drive it for you and you can rope in some friends to help you load it.

Apply to the council if you haven't already. You're homeless now, although he'll be asked to confirm that. Perhaps get a letter from the landlord saying that the tenancy is in his name so you're homeless? Maybe then he doesn't get asked and won't know you're leaving, which is probably for the best.

So doing a little calculation on entitledto.co.uk
Assuming you are under 25 and don't have any savings etc. As a single person you should be entitled to: (per week)

£344 universal credit for you
£237.80 for your child.
£563.46 in rent (this is based on my area - if you are in London or a higher cost area this will be more. You are entitled to a 2 bed property with rent if £130 a week)

Plus £91.65 a month in child benefit
Plus you will only pay 15% of your council tax bill (which is already reduced to 75% of the property bill as a single person)

So as a single parent you would get around £1200 a month. (You'll gain about £70 if you're over 25!)

Does that make it easier to rethink?

You'll need to talk to your landlord about taking over the tenancy. But don't tell dh that yet because you don't want him setting up arrears for you...

Sorry those first figures are PER MONTH not per week... I was combining 2 different calculations... sorry!

@ChargingBuck

How can he be working, living under the same roof with you, whilst you claim uc? Something sounds dodgy here, are you on the fiddle or are you making shit up?

You need to find out how UC works before you start mudslinging @Marmelace.

Approx half of UC claimants are working.

And you need to rtft and clue up that I've already replied, what's to do with half facted idiots like us eh!

Btw, I've asked for my comment to be removed, I regretfully made it out of ignorance on a subject I actually used to be rather clued up on. I apologise to the OP, it was a real momentary lapse of my judgement. I shall engage my brain before spouting off in the future

@Marmelace

Btw, I've asked for my comment to be removed, I regretfully made it out of ignorance on a subject I actually used to be rather clued up on. I apologise to the OP, it was a real momentary lapse of my judgement. I shall engage my brain before spouting off in the future

Well done for coming back and saying that. It's a rare thing on Mumsnet. 💐

Thtas exactly why he can afford a car on hp hes selfish he doesnt need to rent a car for a monthly cost that netiehr of you can afford