Dh’s girlfriend from past

[Ibizafun]

Dh and I are in our 50’s, happily married (2nd marriage). He’s kept in touch with a girl he dated for 3 yrs when he was 17-20 just sending birthday texts. Apparently they were friends for some time after the relationship.

Dh showed me a message from her saying she’s now working near our area and does he fancy a cup of coffee one day. I think she is now single. Dh says he’s curious as to how her life turned out and why don’t we ask her here.

He has integrity and I’m not worried about cheating but he does think it’s ok to be friends with her. I guess I’m worried if there’s still a spark, do I need those feelings stirred up in him? Am I being unreasonable to say one coffee to catch up but no friendship.

Have asked my friends but would love it confirmed here!

The thread from OP quoted by PP is as they say...everything.

When that fails, just conclude people are making stuff up. hmm

Well as they say, it takes one to know one. I'm not surprised the OP jumps to the conclusion people are making things up.

Who can be bothered with this? Playing with words on a Sunday afternoon.. has no one got anything better to do? I for one have! Bye all

OMG! That thread quoted from the OP (on the post that was deleted.)

Why are you bailing on this thread NOW @Ibizafun ? Aren't you going to explain yourself?

Can't believe I wasted my time giving you sympathy.

@DumplingsAndStew

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

@MNHQ, please confirm which of your Talk Guidelines I have broken by linking to one of the OPs previous public posts which is very relevant to this one?

Pointless to delete since all that does is make people curious and do an advanced search. 🤷‍♀️

And yes, it certainly explains why the op feels so insecure about this woman.
But op, ultimately you did nothing inappropriate with your crush. If you could control yourself then why not think the best of her rather than the worst and believe she can too? And that's if she even still finds your husband attractive.

For clarity, since @KimMumsnet responded to me via email instead of transparency here on the thread, my comment was deleted for the following reason

Your post was deleted to us because it was seen as somewhat unfair to refer to another thread in that way - along the lines of troll hunting, which breaks our Talk Guidelines.

I'm not sure why it is seen as troll hunting to point out why the OP might feel a bit paranoid about a woman having feelings for an ex from 30 years ago, when it turns out she's been in that exact same situation herself with one of her exes, as demonstrated on one of her previous threads from last year.

@DumplingsAndStew

For clarity, since *@KimMumsnet* responded to me via email instead of transparency here on the thread, my comment was deleted for the following reason

Your post was deleted to us because it was seen as somewhat unfair to refer to another thread in that way - along the lines of troll hunting, which breaks our Talk Guidelines.

I'm not sure why it is seen as troll hunting to point out why the OP might feel a bit paranoid about a woman having feelings for an ex from 30 years ago, when it turns out she's been in that exact same situation herself with one of her exes, as demonstrated on one of her previous threads from last year.

It was quite a while a go now, but I was on a thread where the Op where similar happened and MN reinstated the deletion as it was entirely relevant.

So, not sure if they changed the rules or just don't consistently apply them.

I certainly wouldn't view it as troll hunting. If anything, it made ops initial reaction to this more understandable.

She put herself in the womans position and assumed the woman felt the same, which is something we all can do.

Sod that, some people still try and cling on years later, just because it was along time ago people can still fancy the person they went out with, I think it's foolish to be ok with it.

I think MN sometimes see linking to other threads as troll hunting because people then sometimes go 'ahah, you are being inconsistent, you suddenly have four children instead of three' and so on. I think one of the responses here might have been along the lines of 'wow, what a coincidence'. I agree though that it really does cast light on why the OP felt insecure, since she'd been tempted herself in a similar situation.