Dh’s girlfriend from past

[Ibizafun]

Dh and I are in our 50’s, happily married (2nd marriage). He’s kept in touch with a girl he dated for 3 yrs when he was 17-20 just sending birthday texts. Apparently they were friends for some time after the relationship.

Dh showed me a message from her saying she’s now working near our area and does he fancy a cup of coffee one day. I think she is now single. Dh says he’s curious as to how her life turned out and why don’t we ask her here.

He has integrity and I’m not worried about cheating but he does think it’s ok to be friends with her. I guess I’m worried if there’s still a spark, do I need those feelings stirred up in him? Am I being unreasonable to say one coffee to catch up but no friendship.

Have asked my friends but would love it confirmed here!

Again, BertramLacey, there is nothing my dh has done to make him dishonest. I’m sorry if my accurate description of him left a bad taste in your mouth. As I stated at the beginning, never for one moment did I imagine he would cheat. It was my insecurity about him finding another woman attractive. Which may be pathetic, ridiculous and weak, but there you go. My husband, like yours, is honest as the day is long,. with all the attributes I mentioned too.

@Ibizafun

Glad you resolved things and your both on the same page ... and good to see you and your DH prioritise each other over friends... 🌸

Thank you QueenBee

I’m sorry if my accurate description of him left a bad taste in your mouth.

No, I just thought it was funny, as is the current attempt to make out anyone disagreeing with you is just so jealous of your Prince Charming.

@Ibizafun

Hekatestorch I agree most women wouldn’t do that. But why take the chance? Especially if it doesn’t mean that much to dh who is willing to let it go,

But what about married women? Married women also have affairs. Leave their husbands, their OM leaves his wife.

So, obviously, you wouldn't want him associating or having a friendship with married women.

I mean, why take the risk?

I know your dh isn't fussed anymore. My point isn't that this women definitely isn't going to have ulterior motives.

Its your, and others, general attitude towards women who aren't married.

Ibizafun I think you are wise to be cautious. If the last 12 months has taught me anything, it is to listen to my gut feeling. My DHs ex visited our favourite local pub on Friday ( we know because the publican, who is a personal friend, told us she was asking after him), it has spooked DH because he didn’t believe she was capable of this.
It does bother me that she is still quietly stalking him. If she didn’t live so far away I would be tempted to just rock up at her door and confront her but it really isn’t my style.
I’m dealing with a serious health problem at the moment and really don’t need some bunny boiler lurking in the area.

@Ibizafun I think a lot of these comments actually help your point, no idea why everyone seems to be biting so hard, you’d think they’d be pleased your husband has respect for you 🤣 glad it all worked out OP.

She would not come across as desperate or predatory in rl, I have a lifetime of experience and people often surprise you. The problem is that most of don’t want to come across as crazy or weird so we don’t tell people.
My DHs ex will never be accused or revealed for what she is because no one would believe us. These people, and it includes both men and women are clever. Mumnet is full of women complaining about emotional abuse, gaslighting etc. This is just another form of it.

@Ibizafun

Angrymum22 I don’t blame you.. beyond arrogant. Crumpetsandhoney Thank you.. I don’t want her working her way into our lives. I do wonder why she never asked to meet up when she was married!!!

My rational thoughts tell me I’m worrying for nothing and dh would never risk our marriage.. he only wants peace and harmony. But I have been naive before and my friends’ reactions set me off I guess.

In your OP you said she has recently started working near you, so I assume that is behind the invitation.

Also you said you think she is single. Maybe she is no longer married but there could be a partner on the scene. But seems you are determined to carry on assuming the worst

Oooo @DumplingsAndStew 😳

[quote Beautifulday345]@Ibizafun I think a lot of these comments actually help your point, no idea why everyone seems to be biting so hard, you’d think they’d be pleased your husband has respect for you 🤣 glad it all worked out OP.[/quote]
Or maybe, we can be glad it worked out and still think op doesn't actually trust her husband and her (and other posters) attitudes towards women, absolutely stinks.

Bloody hell Dumplings 😳

No Hekatestorch, it’s my attitude to women who have had a relationship with my dh and aren’t married. Slight difference.

BertramLacey, much as I hate to say it, your words ‘Prince Charming’ don’t do much to conceal resentment.

Angrymum22 even if she lived nearer if I were you I wouldn’t lower myself by knocking on her door. Much better for her to get the message by reading a few adoring posts from your dh online about you.. should do the trick. So sorry you are dealing with health problems.

No Hekatestorch, it’s my attitude to women who have had a relationship with my dh and aren’t married. Slight difference.

Nope, it's definitely your attitude to women who aren't married taht I have an issue with.

And I say not married, because you seem to be unable to comprehend that people can be in relationships and not married. So it's just unmarried women you seem to have a problem with and think are 'dangerous'

Wish people would RTFT.
OP's DH not bothered about meeting newly single old friend.
OP knows her DH better than anyone.
Pleased it's no longer a worry for OP. My DH wouldn't have bothered either

Absolutely Hekatestorch! by your thorough research of my previous thread, you’ve just proved my point.
It is possible to be attracted to someone from the past.. but in my case I didn’t plan to meet him again, the introduction was by chance. I’m not entirely sure what point you were trying to prove?

I stated clearly upthread that I did not (obviously) see all single women as a threat. Why would I? But you are being somewhat naive if you believe there is zero chance that a divorced woman might be thinking about one she let slip through her fingers. Others on this thread can clearly see that.

@Ibizafun

Absolutely Hekatestorch! by your thorough research of my previous thread, you’ve just proved my point. It is possible to be attracted to someone from the past.. but in my case I didn’t plan to meet him again, the introduction was by chance. I’m not entirely sure what point you were trying to prove?

I stated clearly upthread that I did not (obviously) see all single women as a threat. Why would I? But you are being somewhat naive if you believe there is zero chance that a divorced woman might be thinking about one she let slip through her fingers. Others on this thread can clearly see that.

My research?

I clicked a link that someone else posts and read the op. How is that thorough research?
I wasn't trying to prove a point I was answering someone else who posted the link.

And said, it actually made your position more understandable.

If her relationship status isn't an issue, you wouldn't have brought it up.

Ibizafun you are absolutely right. Fortunately we have a relationship that doesn’t need to be reinforced via social media. DH has had 12 months to act on the situation and has resisted all temptation and opportunity. Actions speak louder than words and we now see the funny side of it.
I find it incredibly disrespectful that she is still putting out the feelers though. As I said some women have no regard for others.

Hekatestorch I mentioned her relationship status to give as full a picture as possible. If I hadn’t, I’m sure someone would have asked.

Angrymum she obviously started with the wrong one disrespectful, desperate..

BertramLacey, much as I hate to say it, your words ‘Prince Charming’ don’t do much to conceal resentment.

Okay then. You just carry on interpreting things so they fit with your narrative. Don't worry about what the words mean or what they convey. When that fails, just conclude people are making stuff up.

@Ibizafun but you don't actually know her relationship status. That's the point you are assuming ulterior motives, partly, based on your assumption she is single.

As I said, earlier, if your dh is a cheat it could as easily be with a married woman. If she is a woman that wants him or is willing to sleep with married men, she would be willing to do that single or not.

Being single doesn't increase wether someone is a shitty person.