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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
QueenPeary · 13/09/2021 13:03

The thing is you can't really clean up wee as such, can you? From a carpet? How do you really get rid of it? I've occasionally had to deal with cat wee on a rug or bathmat, which you do by putting it on a bio wash and airing outside. I don't have carpets because that would be impossible with a carpet.

This whole thing is just making me not want to ever bother with a man again. I feel lucky that despite their other failings I haven't ever had a man do this, but it seems like there's a reasonable chance you'll get a wardrobe wee-er!

Backwaterjunction · 13/09/2021 13:07

I’ve known a few blokes like this, one I caught pissing in his own shoes in my kitchen, I threw them out.

Another mate said every time he got really drunk he went in the wardrobe all over the clothes of his girlfriend, she once woke up to him stood up pissing on the bed and spraying her.

Lord knows how she stayed with him for years

Horrible horrible

littleloopylou · 13/09/2021 13:07

Btw I asked OP what is wrong with her because she opted to leave a pool of urine sitting until this creep was ready to clean it up - but i agree he sounds like a nasty, petulant child

Clymene · 13/09/2021 13:10

Judging by this bloke's reaction I think it was unlikely to be a one off.

I mean if I found I'd pissed in the corner of someone else's room, I'd be utterly mortified and offer to have the carpet professionally cleaned. And probably go to the GP because this is NOT NORMAL.

HelpNeedCoolUsername8 · 13/09/2021 13:22

Poor bloke, he’s probably mortified. Sometimes people are too proud to show how mortified they feel. I think if it was me I’d be wanting to reassure him that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed! He was obviously sleep walking, he told you that he thought he was in the bathroom until you shouted at him. I think you’re being harsh. He’s apologised. I would just talk to him about it, ask him if it’s happened before. If he really wasn’t sorry, thought it didn’t matter and wouldn’t clean it up then yes I’d dump him. But he said he didn’t know/didn’t do it on purpose, he has cleaned it up and apologised. What more do you want?!

beastlyslumber · 13/09/2021 13:26

I think if it was me I’d be wanting to reassure him that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed!

Jesus Christ

Dillydollydingdong · 13/09/2021 13:57

If people are very drunk, they can do this. They think they're in the bathroom.

LastToBePicked · 13/09/2021 14:04

The main issue here isn't what he did, but his behaviour afterwards and how he didn't clean it up until OP asked. The OP has said she could get over the peeing but it was lack of embarrassment or offer to clean it which got to her, and I don't blame her at all.

We don’t really know what chance he had to apologise. He’s been woken up, hungover, to be faced by a seething girlfriend and had a bottle of carpet cleaner thrust at him, told to clean up and then chucked out of the house.

Yes if he was unapologetic and unembarrassed then OP has every right to kick him to kerb. But really, unless you are a psychopath, who actually thinks it’s OK to piss on the carpet and then shrug their shoulders about it? Any normal bloke would probably be a bit confused about what happened (in my experience of sleepwalking, his memory of what happened will be hazy at best) and then mortified when the penny dropped.

hcoe21 · 13/09/2021 14:41

This has happened to me A LOT in my life from multiple people. Definitely booze related. And if you are doing it in your sleep, its not really your fault; although you do need to take responsibility for it.

I have never been too cross with people, as they were so embarrassed. I think if you can show some understanding that people make mistakes, it will help repair some damage. Don't throw away a potentially good relationship for what is an accident/mistake and was not done to hurt you.

Alcemeg · 13/09/2021 14:46

I just think "Oh, so you're angry at me then" is an absolute wanker thing to say, whatever the circumstances.

billy1966 · 13/09/2021 14:53

@beastlyslumber

I think if it was me I’d be wanting to reassure him that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed!

Jesus Christ

🤣
youlookingatme · 13/09/2021 15:10

My ex used to be such a deep sleeper that on a couple of occassions after having a drink he did this. He told me of a story when he was younger and on holiday with his friends, they all got drunk and he woke up to find his friend peeing in a drawer all over his t shirts. I think it is quite common.

Give the guy another chance.

Envy6454111 · 13/09/2021 15:10

Honey u can't help how u feel. If u were with him forever... Like if this was my husband.. Id clean it up and not bother him with it. I think my husband and his brother bonded over this because he missed in the dark and his brother cleaned it. Which is awesome. Id do it for family... Not even think. My friends husband died and he was withdrawal and pooped all over and i got that too so her kids could use the upstairs br again but i wouldn't be hot on someone after this. For someone kind of new... He needs to clean it... Dry it well and then hire a pro cleaner with a carpet steamer and all that and still it's fine ur embarrassed to the point of turned off about it. Its just not meant to be. At least u know now

ElleMac44 · 13/09/2021 15:12

Just tell him to clean it up, put it down to sleep walking and fingers crossed it won't happen again, if it does then maybe he needs to speak to his GP.

starlight13 · 13/09/2021 15:45

I think you are over reacting as the most obvious reason is that he was sleepwalking and didn't know where he was.
I think if he was a prolific corner pisser then you would have seen him doing it before now.
He could have a UTI where he has no control.
He obviously needs to clean it up but you need to sit down together and get to the bottom of it all as your relationship sounds good.

Oreo78 · 13/09/2021 15:46

Be gentle. As people have said before he may have been semi asleep at the time. Try to laugh it off, accidents happen. Put him at ease and just say, "Do you realise you urinated in bedroom last night?" I am sure he'd be mortified and will want to clean it up straight away. But treat him like you would want to be treated if you made a mistake like that.

Sure, if he does it again then you will need to deal with the issue differently. But I doubt he will ever do it again, especially if he really cares for you.

Envy6454111 · 13/09/2021 16:16

But how do u unsee it? I have stopped attraction because of actually superficial things. Made me feel shallow but didn't change my mind. This is something she wasn't ready for. The human in the dream phase. Maybe a few more weeks and she would be playing water sports. My husband would absolutely think he died and is living in heaven if he found me peeing anywhere. That's his thing. It is anti my thing. So i get it. If me and someone are new i dont even want to know embarrassing details like that. Im too empathetic so then i feel shame for u and that takes part of it away for me too. It just is what it is. I know its dumb to have something so human, make or breaks something but how do u cut it off and fast forward

Plumtree391 · 13/09/2021 16:25

I hope the guy learns a lesson from this; not to drink excessively ever again. He's not 19 any more.

LastToBePicked · 13/09/2021 16:39

Sure, if he does it again then you will need to deal with the issue differently. But I doubt he will ever do it again, especially if he really cares for you.

It’s nothing to do with how much he cares for her - sleepwalking isn’t a choice you make, people don’t only pee on the floors of people they don’t really care about!

takehomepay · 13/09/2021 16:43

@Oreo78

Be gentle. As people have said before he may have been semi asleep at the time. Try to laugh it off, accidents happen. Put him at ease and just say, "Do you realise you urinated in bedroom last night?" I am sure he'd be mortified and will want to clean it up straight away. But treat him like you would want to be treated if you made a mistake like that.

Sure, if he does it again then you will need to deal with the issue differently. But I doubt he will ever do it again, especially if he really cares for you.

He didn’t want even want to apologise in the morning, why on Earth should she be gentle with him?!
Porcupineintherough · 13/09/2021 16:46

I woke up to my then partner peeing in a drawer in my bedroom. That was booze related too. Weve been happily married for 20 years now and it's never happened again.

I've heard similar stories from various friends. Not lovely but hardly that unusual.

I do wonder how some if the posters on here cope if everything is such a ltb drama to them.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/09/2021 16:52

I wouldn't end it with someone I liked that much over this, clearly he was sleep walking

TheNestedIf · 13/09/2021 17:03

Absolute deal breaker for me. I can't believe so many posters would just shrug it off, or actually find it funny. It's disgusting. It's not an accident if you know you can't find the toilet when drunk and still get drunk anyway. It's certainly not the actual medical condition, sleepwalking. It's blacking out and not knowing what you're doing. But then, I have a very strong opinion on this, because my own father came within 30 cm of pissing in my face, in my sleep, when he was drunk. No, he didn't clean it up, and no, he didn't replace what he ruined.

Even now, when getting to know anyone I'm thinking of seriously dating, I subtly make sure to find out whether they're prone to sleep pissing and whether they think it is nothing more than a hilarious anecdote. If they are, and if they think it is, there are no further dates. I will not have my home, my possessions or myself soiled.

As for sleepwalking, I have gone sleepwalking when very stressed once or twice. The "worst" thing I ever did was feed the cats a very, very early breakfast, but maybe that's because I'm not in the habit of pissing anywhere and everywhere when I'm awake.

By the way, urine is not sterile. People need to stop repeating that.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/09/2021 17:12

I am gobsmacked at the posts saying it's common, you shouldn't be too hard on him etc.

I really do wonder if the stated 'acceptability' of this behaviour plays any part in it's continuance. And it's only men who do it, not women. Hmm.

QueenPeary · 13/09/2021 17:20

I absolutely agree there's no need to drink that much anyway. By the age of 30 I was fed up with hangovers and being drunk and toned it down, then when I had kids I reduced it further. No one needs to get pissed and if I had a tendency to wee in the corner when drunk I would simply not get drunk, ever - and sure as hell not if I was going to be staying in someone else's house.

So with this guy I suppose I could only muster up any sympathy/tolerance if it had never ever happened before and he was shocked and horrified and grovelling. Otherwise, just not OK.

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