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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
me4real · 13/09/2021 00:12

I would be inclined to give him a second chance after this apology, unless there've been other issues. It's something you could mock him about for evermore. Grin

RichardMarxisinnocent · 13/09/2021 00:18

Like a PP this thread is making me feel as if I have woken up in an alternative universe. I am happily in a relationship with someone who has never urinated on my bedroom floor, in my wardrobe or anywhere else other than my toilet. The number of people on her saying this is normal and common is making me think that if ever we split up, I won't bother trying to date and find another relationship. I wouldn't want to risk finding someone who does this. I don't want my home to be trashed. I don't want to end up lying awake at night, feeling stressed, just in case my partner starts pissing in my wardrobe.

EspressoDoubleShot · 13/09/2021 00:36

Astonishing that some posters normalise gross unacceptable behaviour from their partner
How did the bar get so low?

lifehappened · 13/09/2021 00:36

It's very common. Obvs it's gross but I'm surprised more of you havnt heard about it and assume he knows what he's doing at the time

Mamanyt · 13/09/2021 00:42

I am strongly minded of the time that my then-roommate's four-year-old son came into the living room all glassy-eyed, said, "I have to go potty." Mandy said, "Well, GO, silly." The next words were a loudly screamed, "THAT'S MY CLOSET!" They do that when sleep-walking at all ages. The problem is that they are dreaming that they ARE in the bathroom. Would I end the relationship over it? Probably not over one instance. But if pissing in corners is the norm when he drinks (and for some it seems to be), I'd either tell him he cannot be in your home drunk, or he cannot be in your home (or your life).

EspressoDoubleShot · 13/09/2021 00:44

Is it very common? Really to get totally intoxicated and urinate in wardrobe
1st time,I’d imagine he’d find it mortifying and unexpected
2nd time I’d hope he’d think oh gawd not again and amend his behaviour
3+ he must just think oh whatever she’ll be ok, and cut me some slack. Everyone does it…

Here’s the thing, every decent man doesn’t do it
These men have got partners who seem willing to accept and good humoured overlook their literal pissy behaviour . Awww men, eh

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 13/09/2021 01:13

Oh dear we’ve got another bedroom pisser.

I couldn’t live with it I’m afraid. I couldn’t live like that worried it could happen again. Or worse, progress to number twos.

toconclude · 13/09/2021 01:24

@ilovehalloumi

Genuinely expected to be told I was overreacting. Off to kick him out
I'm sorry, you need MNs permission to make a decision? How entirely bizarre.
Annieconn · 13/09/2021 03:19

I have heard of this happening when there is a drink problem.

LimeRedBanana · 13/09/2021 03:34

It's very common.

It’s not ‘very common’. It’s something that does happen.

Nobody on this thread has actually done it. Maybe 1 or 2 people at most.

stripedbananas · 13/09/2021 03:46

Loads of blokes do this when they're pissed.

Obviously not on a regular basis but once or twice in their lives it can happen

Orangelemon2 · 13/09/2021 03:52

My sisters ex used to do this after having a drink, just one. He would sleep walk ‘to the bathroom’ aka the corner of their room 🤢

Mothership4two · 13/09/2021 04:20

I have an uncle who has form for this. He wees in cupboards when he has had a few. He doesn't do it whenever he's been paralytic and he says he is half asleep and not aware that he hasn't gone to the loo. Other than this, he is a lovely uncle who has been happily married for decades.

HeartvsBrain · 13/09/2021 04:46

Hello Calyx72

I am so sorry that you had that happen to you. My reply was not meant to be taken by anyone as the same response that I would give to everyone who had had similar happen to them. Your suffering was continued throughout your relationship, and in a much worse league to that of the OP (at the moment, and hopefully for ever), so had you asked for advice on your terrible predicament, my answer to you would have been very different.

I hate the "blame the victim" culture when I see it, and pps saying things to the OP such as "you should have woken him up straight away and made him clean it up then" I see as victim blaming. I do not see my answer as victim blaming, because with the information that OP gave us in her OP, I came to the unconcious conclusion - possibly erroneously - that the OP was not a 'victim', so it did not even cross my mind that I may be victim blaming. If I am wrong and it was victim blaming (which we may never know unless her bf admits to doing it on purpose), then my utmost apologies go firstly to the OP, and secondly to anyone else, including you Calyx, that my words may have upset - in fact if my words upset anyone anyway, including the OP, then they have my apologies, as that was not my intention.

Sorry OP, on reflection because of what Clayx72 replied to me, I see that my answer to you was on occassion indeed worded very ineptly eg when I said

"If you had reacted in a much more understanding manner..."

so I do definitely apologise for that. I should have said something like

"If when you were understandably sleepy, slightly inebriated, and most probably shocked as well, you had realised that he was not peeing in the corner of your room voluntarily, it may have been more appropriate for you to ask him gently to stop, explaining that he was not in the bathroom, and then for you to have guided him gently to the bathroom to make sure he had emptied his bladder completely. I am only suggesting this as having been a sleep walker when I was a child, my DM told me that you shouldn't wake up someone robustly when they are sleep walking".

My Mum may have been wrong, and that it doesn't in fact have any detrimental effects to do so, but when I replied to you OP, that is what I believed. So once again, I am sorry for any offense I caused.

One more thing that I forgot to say originalky OP, is that of course you are not wrong to end a relationship for any reason, if that is what you want to do. In fact I think that it is usually wrong to continue in a relationship if you don't love your partner, but my use of the word "usually" is because sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that make it prudent, or safer etc to do so. Sorry also for the (as is sadly usual) length of my response to - initially - Calyx72, and then extended to you too!
💐💐 one bunch each to both of you.

HeartvsBrain · 13/09/2021 04:56

@Calyx72 I had put your quote in my reply to you Calyx, which showed up on my draft to you, but has not shown up here, so I am sorry about that. I was replying to the response you gave to me after my first post in this thread. As usual, all my paragraph spacings have also disappeared!

minmooch · 13/09/2021 05:52

I will say it again - there is no way this is the first time this has happened to him. His first response to you was 'oh so you're angry with me'. Not an apology, not embarrassment just turning it back on you op. Sounds like his previous partner accepted his pissing in places other than the toilet.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 13/09/2021 06:08

Another recent piss thread.
'pi55'.

TheDevilWearsNada · 13/09/2021 06:45

@Buildingthefuture
You are exactly right.

To leave someone nice over this sort of accident would be pretty pathetic.

My husband nearly did this when we moved house after we’d had a few drinks.

Discuss it in the morning, laugh about it, and move on- you’re both adults to shame him and chuck him out would be a bad move on your part I think @ilovehalloumi.

JBSA · 13/09/2021 06:46

My first husband used to sleepwalk and do that. Often in the wardrobe. He was horrified when I told him because he said it meant he could never go anywhere again in case he did it there.
I inderstand your fury, but he won't know anything about it...

category12 · 13/09/2021 06:49

I really don't know why people come on a 25 page thread and don't bother to check any updates from the op on top of not rtft.

What do you really think you're adding that won't have already been said?

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 13/09/2021 07:03

@category12. Who made you the boss of posts?

category12 · 13/09/2021 07:18

@doesheplaythefiddle Grin Hardly the boss.

Just asking/bemoaning why people jump on massive long threads and apparently don't bother with anything but the opening post? Why?

Things move on. And Op's updates can be viewed without reading all 25 odd pages.

Calyx72 · 13/09/2021 07:29

@HeartvsBrain Thanks, sorry for being snippy, not personal, thanks.

OP hope you're ok and all is good with you.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/09/2021 07:54

does seem a bit unforgiving of you to dump him imo
obviously you are shocked
did you dump him?

Dibbydoos · 13/09/2021 07:56

@ilovehalloumi how did things go?