Aibu to expect dh to cover looking after kids so I can attend work meeting

[Indecisivelurcher]

I am part time and finish at 3pm, do kids pick ups, sort dinner etc. Occasionally I am asked to attend a meeting that goes beyond 3pm. Aibu to expect dh to be able to help out? Normally he would be able to collect kids and stick telly on. On this occasion kids have something on after school that he'd have to take them to. I want to attend as its a face to face with colleagues I havent seen since pre-covid, and I'm running the meeting. The date is a recurring one so not easy to change, it's usually on teams and finishes before school, this is a longer one to accommodate face to face. I think dh should take 2hrs off and catch up the time. He is wfh. He thinks I shouldn't attend meeting. Who is being unreasonable?

I don’t know how some relationships on here work.

DH would cover this unless genuinely completely unable to, and he has a senior role. In fact, he often enough does have to do this, and doesn’t bat an eyelid.

Let me assure you OP, this is how resentment sets in.

I think your response was the worst of both worlds really but I’m glad it worked out ok in the end.

1. although you’ve said it’s normal for your workplace I wouldn’t be chairing a meeting outside of my working hours and would be using that to rearrange around my own commitments.

2. you had to cut short something you wanted to do and was important to you work-wise.

3. I’d have compromised and got husband to pick up and stuck in front of the tv and miss swimming or ask for a half day off. I wouldn’t have expected an early finish and going to a swimming lesson as that is stretching wfh too far in my mind.

4. I think you were both a bit unreasonable - you for your expectations and for leaving earlier than you wanted and him for not moving an inch and being a big grump.

@Bunnycat101 the meeting was inside my work hours. I work until 3. The meeting was until 3. But was on site so I had to commute after.

But anyway! It's done.

I feel for you OP, you feel your OH should have your back and understand the importance to you of your work and projects. I crave the opportunity of face to face meetings to discuss and collaborate with colleagues after the WFH during the pandemic - and my OH understands the importance of that to me too. Women are expected to juggle so much and to have conversations with employers about work life balance. Why can’t the fellas do it too? His refusal to understand the importance of this to you is disappointing.
I’m so glad you got your session though and hope you got the support and buy in from colleagues. Much easier to do face to face where discussion can flow freely and they can sense your enthusiasm for the project. Good luck with it all. X

@Loveshelly

Did he actually go into the office

No!

I just don’t understand… people who love each other do each other favours.

If it was my day to look after kids but something came up that I could miss, but I didn’t want to miss, and it was a one off and great for my career and general well being.

My partner would be “OMG GET YOURSELF THERE…I will look out for things, good luck, do you want to talk your amazing new ideas through with me. I’m so proud of you, text me ASAP when it’s over, can’t wait to hear how it went”

ETC ETC.

Surely. Or am I living in some parallel universe that expects too much.

@Loveshelly totally agree with you
100%

I disagree with you, OP. People who have 9-5 jobs are being paid to work those hours. They aren't being inflexible or not taking their spouse's work for granted by not taking on extra childcare during that time. They are just not committing theft from their employers.

Yabu op...he picks them up and takes them home then continues to work. WFH is still working. Work is more important than child activities...if both of you are working you both have to arrange different childcare. My DH WFH and that means he is working ...if not in a meeting he can come out of the room occasionally to do something but can't leave the house as he is working. In an sos situation he could run quickly to pick DD up but have to inform his boss of the SOS situation. No way would his boss agree to child activities.

With 2 weeks notice of course he should cover. Has he ever done a work event in the evening or gone away overnight? Have you then split hairs with him? Of course you haven't.

YANBU