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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To abandon my cousin

377 replies

Boredhimtodeath · 10/09/2021 09:06

My cousin started working at my place of work 3 weeks ago. It’s an hours drive down a mixture of country lanes and then motorway. When she started she told me she was nervous of the drive and can’t afford petrol everyday so could we go together…. Something I would have personally considered before going for a job.

We can start and leave at various times as long as we do our hours during the day. I like to get to work at 8 and leave at 3, she prefers to do 10 until 5. I’ve said to her throughout that I like having my time on an evening so if we are going together I want us to be here for 8. The first week she was getting to mine for 7:50 so we were getting to work at 9, I was annoyed but let it go. It has gradually slipped to us getting to work for 10. Yesterday she wasn’t at mine by 8 so I messaged saying she needed to get herself to work because I was setting off. My uncle dropped her off and text me saying he couldn’t get there to pick her up so could I bring her home, meaning an hour after I finished I had to wait for her, I did an extra hour of work. The same has happened again today however my boss has said I can leave an hour early today because of staying last night but as a one off. So I will finish 2 hours before her tonight now. My uncle has again messaged.

Is it acceptable that I just leave? I’ve been here for years and I am happy with my routine, if she spoke to me before starting I would have told her from the offset my start and finish times. It’s hard because I have no reason to be home, other than just wanting to be. I will say from next week that she is going to have to make her own way there and back or find a more suitable job.

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

OP posts:
IAAP · 11/09/2021 18:18

@ChristmasCocktail

Leave. I'd tell your uncle she's an adult, and not your responsibility if she can't be bothered to get out of bed and set off when your ready. Don't waste your time OP.
Exactly. I'd text uncle and say 'Before we started this -I said I was doing 8-3 over weeks it's become 10-5 which I expressed said no to before I agreed to give her a lift. It is messing with my life and schedule that I was really happy with before. Cousin can drive and needs to get herself to work or get to mine by 7am -if she wants a lift -if she is later or isn't there by 7am -I'm going to leave. She needs to adult now. I'm not her taxi.
Allinadayswork80 · 11/09/2021 18:19

Absolute piss taking CF! She clearly doesn’t give a crap about inconveniencing you so I wouldn’t give it a second thought.
Perfectly reasonable to say you’re more than happy to give her a lift, or even car share if it makes her feel better having you there whilst she drives, providing she works the same hours as you - as you have always done and will continue to do. It doesn’t matter what you have or haven’t got to get home for, it’s your job, your life, YOUR choice.

LoisLane66 · 11/09/2021 18:19

Stop the lifts at once. She should have thought about the drive, how much it would cost and her reluctance to drive the route, well before accepting the role.
Now you are locked into a cycle of doing her bidding. Another person who can't say NO and comes on here to expect us to give the answer. Well here it is. NO MORE LIFTS. t doesn't suit your timetable and that's final end of. Her finances are not your problem and her parents can sort her out.
Just do it. No arguments or hi ing sad excuses. The answer is 'NO, it's not working for me and you will have to sort something out for Moday. .Do not give in.

LoisLane66 · 11/09/2021 18:20
  • Monday
LoisLane66 · 11/09/2021 18:23

Sorry. I was so wound up at the cheek of her.
It, not t
No arguments or giving her sad excuses.

Newbabynewhouse · 11/09/2021 18:23

Omg yes! ... just leave.. it's not your responsibility that she doesn't want to drive.. do what YOU want and tell her that if she wants a lift with you then she needs to start at the times you want to x

Imnothereforthedrama · 11/09/2021 18:23

Yes tell cousin you want to work 8-3 you either get here for such and such time or you go without and make her own way there tell uncle the same it’s not unreasonable she is for a) wanting a lift because she doesn’t want to drive and b) not getting there for when you want to start .

HollowTalk · 11/09/2021 18:28

I don't think anyone on MN has ever mentioned an uncle where I haven't thought he's an absolute pain in the arse who wants everyone to do what he wants.

Hertsgirl10 · 11/09/2021 18:28

I really thought this was going to be someone under 20 till I read all updates.

She’s taking the piss and so is your uncle. To not be ready when you leave is a joke, I would have said from when she asked, if you’re here by quarter to 8 that’s fine but any later than 5 to and I will be going without you. And coming home if we leave the same time then you can come back.

Did her or her dad offer any petrol money at all?
I went to college with a girl and yes she was going anyway but I paid towards petrol and parking, if she didn’t offer then she’s taking the piss even more.

Bard6817 · 11/09/2021 18:36

She has to fit with your schedule, if she wants a lift. It’s not like it’s a one off.

Dangermoose5 · 11/09/2021 18:39

Slightly off-topic but has she offered to pay petrol every day? I'm guessing not. Entitlement.

JustDoingMe · 11/09/2021 18:50

You are already taking her back and forth to work, why can she not turn up at the time you want her too.
You say your family should do anything for each other.....you provide her with a means to get to and from work, what is she doing for you?
She sound like an entitled brat!

Madamum18 · 11/09/2021 18:50

Just tell her "This arrangement is not working because we want to work different hours. You will have to make different arrangements. I will not be able to wait at the end of the day if (uncle) can't pcjk you up so keep that in mind!*

And when she or anyone else starts trying to persuade you ...repeat!

Tessabelle74 · 11/09/2021 18:52

First time I've EVER seen a 100% vote, enough said

Creativenina · 11/09/2021 19:07

You were extremely kind to offer her a lift to work but you need to make it clear you leave for work in the morning when it suits you. If she doesn’t like it, she can lump it.

maria57 · 11/09/2021 19:08

Your cousin is taking advantage of you...Dont put up with it. If she wanted the job she should have considered a number of things like how she was going to get there, the cost etc etc like anyone else would. Pountd to a penny her parents have said our such a body will take you if you get the job. She and they are taking the piss...put a stop to it now.

rosyAndMoo · 11/09/2021 19:09

If you are a family “that does everything for each other” she should understand that you work 8-3 and she needs to help you do those hours. Your uncle obviously isn’t going out of his way, so why should you!

Happyher · 11/09/2021 19:11

You’ve accidentally allowed yourself to be manipulated into doing what she wants. You need to tell her firmly but nicely the hours you will be setting off and coming home so if she can’t be there at the specified time she will have to make her own way. She can drive so the choice is hers. You’re the one doing the favour so she should fit in with you

startingagain13 · 11/09/2021 19:13

Absolutely 💯, it's in her best interests too, by applying the reasoning that you should do anything for each other then surely she should be at your house for 7am. She is negatively affecting your quality of life.

mathanxiety · 11/09/2021 19:14

Well I guessed the vote would be lopsided but 100% YANBU is about 2% more than I anticipated.

You are dealing with CFers.

Tigger1895 · 11/09/2021 19:33

You are doing her a favour. Simply tell her you ARE starting at 8 from next week (you pick the date) and she has to be at yours by whatever time you want to leave or she’ll have to find her own way. If she can’t be decent about it why should you.

Snog · 11/09/2021 19:44

Cousin does not get to dictate YOUR working hours to suit herself OP.

Lokdok · 11/09/2021 19:50

YANBU! She’s cheeky beyond belief! I love that 100% agree with you!

Dnaltocs · 11/09/2021 19:56

Time for you to set the rules.
I leave at ?
If you’re there at that time fine come with me. I’ll be leaving at ? regardless if you’re there or not.

I don’t have my phone on before work so no point in texting me.
Simple contract.

notoldjustpastyoung · 11/09/2021 20:02

There a limits for what you do for a relative sometimes, especially when it involves work. If she wants a life she has to fit into your times. End of.