First ever post. Am I being unreasonable?

[Babybear1787]

Apologies all but I’m going insane and need your help.

Me and OH both 34 being together nearly 3 years. Both divorced previously and I’ve a nearly 5 year old and then we’ve just had a baby in July and fair to say we’re really happy.

I’m a only child and close with my parents, he is with his parents but also has a older brother who got married to his wife in 2019. When we met they were abit weary but accepted as long as he was happy, we then ended up building quite a nice relationship. We’d go for meals out as a 4, with his parents and even went away for the night together.

Just before covid and a few months after their marriage, brothers wife became pregnant. We were so happy for them and little girl arrived September 2020.

October 2020 me and OH discussed also having a family together. He had no children, after lockdown and seeing my son on his own I didn’t want him to be a only child like me and the decision was made to start trying with a view that it would take a few months and probably have a baby towards end of 2021. In fact it happened immediately 🙈 hence baby born in July.

Once everything ok at 12 weeks (week before Christmas) we told family. Both parents shocked but so happy another grandchild will be coming. OH told brother, his reply “bit soon”. I told his wife and her reply “I would of thought brothers parents would of had longer to enjoy our child first”.

To not taint our happiness we let it go, unfortunately tho it ate away at my partner because then over the course of my pregnancy they disappeared off the face of the earth. We heard nothing from
them and it became quite clear there was a problem.

Present day/this week, brother wife removed both me and OH off social media. It came to an head as clearly there was a problem.

OH spoke to brother who confirmed they didn’t like we had our baby as soon as we did, they told us it was their time and we essentially stole the limelight. My OH is in disbelief, his parents have never had any favourites with them or grandchildren they’re so fair. He then told OH that his wife did that on social media because we don’t like enough pictures of their daughter.

Me and OH don’t use this social media platform often but can’t understand why it’s an issue. Apparently I liked a picture of their daughter with wife’s brother and nothing else. I genuinely can’t even recall this and can only assume it’s been clicked in error as I don’t make a habit of liking stuff and I don’t always see it.

Anyway both brother and wife say they’re over it but wife won’t be socialising with us unless for family occasions and brother will try build relationship with OH alone. We don’t find this acceptable, we have said we are too upset and still amazed at their views (which apparently they’re entitled too) to then pretend to play happy families when necessary.

Apparently we need to accept we’ve upset them too, they’re allowed these views and we need to now move on and get on for their mum and dad.

Both me and OH disagree with this.

Sorry for the lengthy post but the question is who’s the unreasonable one? Are we in the wrong?

If you're both 34 & have been together 3yrs, how long were you supposed to wait??

I was almost 32 when I married & PFB was due something like 10months after the wedding.

I can't see why anyone was shocked in your case Op-they certainly weren't in ours!

Haven’t read the replies but if this was me I’d go round to there house and call them out on such childish behaviour. If they were adamant that there could should have been ‘enjoyed longer’ before you had children then I’d tell them their first of no contact is excellent and leave.

They’re bonkers, you’ve had a lucky escape, at least you don’t have to see them 😂

it's sad actually.

My brothers and I all had our children at similar time. It has been wonderful, all at same stage, exchanging stuff, everyone's houses baby/toddler safe and cousins love playing together.

They will get over it. At some point they will look back and be embarrassed. Until then, I would be cheerful and happy to see them and their child and ignore all silliness.

I would though talk to you MIL and explain your side. Not in a massive way, just make sure they know this is form them not you.

Who on earth is voting that YABU?

Inlaws can fuck the fuckety fucking fuck off in my view, they have NO SAY on when you start a family and if that's how they behave you are far better off without them. They are so far up their own arses I doubt they have seen daylight for some time. I would keep contact to the absolute minimum and be really glad that I no longer have to hear from them on social media.

My SIL and me had babies within 6 months of each other. They were in the same school year and are like siblings together. They are bonkers to miss out on this and it would serve them right if your babies get on like a house on fire when they are older.

They are being childish, ridiculous, immature, stubborn, etc, and I agree with NoSquirrels post, there must be more behind this than the face value (or at least I hope there is, otherwise they truly are ridiculous!).
What's your end goal here? Do you want to be distant or do you want them in your life? If it was me I'd be the bigger person, take ownership, go to them - in person - and say:
Look brother and sister in law, we've obviously offended you, we really didn't mean to, we don't understand why/what it was about, we're really upset about it because we love you and care for you and want you to be part of our life, we want our children to grow up sharing their life with your child, we want grandparents to enjoy spending time with all of us together. We don't really use social media but we would love to see photos of your child on whatsapp (or wherever) but most of all we want to see all of you for real not just in photos. New babies are supposed to bring joy, we want to share your joy and want you to share ours, there is no limit on joy, we can all enjoy this at the same time. The last year and a half has been miserable for everyone, can we put all of this behind us and just have fun together?

Blimey Op, the self obsession and self importance runs deep in those two. How very dare you have your own baby.

Try to keep your distance, you don't want to catch the crazy. Rise above it and just smile and wave, smile and wave, at the loons.

That’s so sad that they are acting this way. Do they think the world revolves around them? I understand wanting special time with your baby and close relatives but it’s amazing having cousins grow up together. Both of my dc’s are the same age as my brothers 2 dc’s. A month between them, it was so much fun when they were little, they were so close, they’re teens now and we don’t live near them but it brought us all close together.
Maybe try and talk to them about the benefits of the children growing up together, the chance to do mum and baby groups together?

They are being ridiculous! I had my first DD in October 2019 and my SIL had her DD in July 2020. She actually found out she was pregnant on the day my DD was born but they didnt share the news for a few weeks as they didnt want to 'steal the limelight' which was thoughtful of them but I was just made up for them rather than annoyed they dare have a baby within a year of me.

There’s no way around it - these people are absolutely nuts. There is a huge amount to consider when having a baby. The “limelight” or frankly the view of any other person not directly involved is completely and utterly irrelevant.

Anyone that nuts is better off outside your circle, family or not.

They’re absolutely pathetic. They need to grow up! Are they actually old enough to have a baby?!! And as for the FB comments- I’ve got nothing!

Let them get on with OP!

Is there a competitive with the two brothers by any chance. Elder dbro would do stuff like this after any event would over shadow it with something. 2dbro got engaged 1dbro got engaged straight after. I had a baby after dbro2 wedding 1dbro got engaged for the 2nd time to another and wanted me to attend a party after I had given birth. It was abit fo running joke that if someone had a big event then dbro1 would make an announcement. Thing was he was desperate to settle down himself and finally be happy. It sounds abit batshit but I'm wondering if there's more to the story.

They are completely ridiculous on every level. Absolutely bonkers.

OP you have done nothing wrong.

They sound bonkers. Their baby was 3 months old when you announced. There’s 10 months between the cousins. I’d guess they may want a second baby - so if you’d waited it would clash with that. It’s not unexpected that two 34 year olds in a relationship will have a child. What a shame for cousins close in age not to be able to spend time together growing up.

Fuck anyone else having control over when you reproduce, they're barking mad!

I wouldnt even entertain seeing my brother alone if he done this to me its completel batshit theyre not even born that close together

my cousin and i were born a week apart no prblems

i think pil should be telling them to grow up not staying out of it

@Babybear1787

Apologies all but I’m going insane and need your help.

Me and OH both 34 being together nearly 3 years. Both divorced previously and I’ve a nearly 5 year old and then we’ve just had a baby in July and fair to say we’re really happy.

I’m a only child and close with my parents, he is with his parents but also has a older brother who got married to his wife in 2019. When we met they were abit weary but accepted as long as he was happy, we then ended up building quite a nice relationship. We’d go for meals out as a 4, with his parents and even went away for the night together.

Just before covid and a few months after their marriage, brothers wife became pregnant. We were so happy for them and little girl arrived September 2020.

October 2020 me and OH discussed also having a family together. He had no children, after lockdown and seeing my son on his own I didn’t want him to be a only child like me and the decision was made to start trying with a view that it would take a few months and probably have a baby towards end of 2021. In fact it happened immediately 🙈 hence baby born in July.

Once everything ok at 12 weeks (week before Christmas) we told family. Both parents shocked but so happy another grandchild will be coming. OH told brother, his reply “bit soon”. I told his wife and her reply “I would of thought brothers parents would of had longer to enjoy our child first”.

To not taint our happiness we let it go, unfortunately tho it ate away at my partner because then over the course of my pregnancy they disappeared off the face of the earth. We heard nothing from
them and it became quite clear there was a problem.

Present day/this week, brother wife removed both me and OH off social media. It came to an head as clearly there was a problem.

OH spoke to brother who confirmed they didn’t like we had our baby as soon as we did, they told us it was their time and we essentially stole the limelight. My OH is in disbelief, his parents have never had any favourites with them or grandchildren they’re so fair. He then told OH that his wife did that on social media because we don’t like enough pictures of their daughter.

Me and OH don’t use this social media platform often but can’t understand why it’s an issue. Apparently I liked a picture of their daughter with wife’s brother and nothing else. I genuinely can’t even recall this and can only assume it’s been clicked in error as I don’t make a habit of liking stuff and I don’t always see it.

Anyway both brother and wife say they’re over it but wife won’t be socialising with us unless for family occasions and brother will try build relationship with OH alone. We don’t find this acceptable, we have said we are too upset and still amazed at their views (which apparently they’re entitled too) to then pretend to play happy families when necessary.

Apparently we need to accept we’ve upset them too, they’re allowed these views and we need to now move on and get on for their mum and dad.

Both me and OH disagree with this.

Sorry for the lengthy post but the question is who’s the unreasonable one? Are we in the wrong?

Surely baby, limelight and social media all go hand in hand?

You need to politely suggest that they should undertake counselling - separately or together, we can't know which would be best for them - to help them get over their need for validation from others, especially validation in the form of meaningless social media likes.

i assume that was sarcasm

@LaetitiaASD I've reported your post, just so you know. I don't think it is appropriate, although clearly meant in jest.

They are entitled to their views.

However. You’re also entitled to your own views.

Ignore and move on. They are like children. You don’t want to be associated with them anyway. Yuck.

What a bunch of childish weirdos, obviously it's them that are massively unreasonable. Congrats on the new baby

Very strange. In both mine and DH's families, there are many first cousins that are almost exactly the same age. It's like having extra brothers and sisters and is lovely!

Again CF’ers. When does anyone else get to decide when YOU can have children?

I would be so offended by their attitude I would not be able to be around them. I would have separate family functions so you don’t have to deal with them. They’ve given you their views, now time to give them yours by ignoring them until they apologise for their ridiculously narcissistic behaviour!

My 2 sisters had baby’s on the same day! My nieces have been BFF’s from day one and at 19 still are! What a crying shame for the kids!