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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

573 replies

summerisler · 09/09/2021 16:09

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

OP posts:
NotFrozen · 10/09/2021 18:11

YABU and unkind

Scottsy100 · 10/09/2021 18:13

Blimey is it just me or have people just got far too much to bloody moan about these days, a nice old man was being friendly BURN HIM, GET THE PITCHFORKS.

I seriously was born into the wrong era I cannot stand all this stupid moaning about perfectly innocent things (massive eye roll)

Rosscameasdoody · 10/09/2021 18:13

I think it’s sad you felt you had to confront him. I understand your feelings, especially since Covid, but at that point there was nothing you could do . Personally, I’d have thanked him for picking up the toy and moved on. I do think it’s a generational thing - older people get sentimental over babies and the old man sounds sweet. If you really have a problem with it you can buy a badge to attach to the pram, asking people to please not touch your child. You can buy them online - I think I’ve seen them on Amazon.

Perky1 · 10/09/2021 18:16

I haven’t read the whole thread. I understand why you are upset. This happened to me with my baby daughter who used to have her tongue just poking out between her lips and a stranger tapped her on the tongue when we were in a supermarket. I do think it is a generational thing. When I was young it was much more normal for strangers and others to put a coin in a baby’s hand while they were out in their pram about town. You are right to correct him.

Chris08 · 10/09/2021 18:17

He was being kind

Carlosi456 · 10/09/2021 18:17

In the late 90's/ early 2000s my kid in Spain and Pakistan had his cheeks pinched mecilessly. On one occasion was whisked off to the kitchen by the chef holding him in the palm of his enormous hand to show to the KP's! Good times! He's 23 now.

welliesarefuntowear · 10/09/2021 18:20

I was in a queue for the toilet at Tesco whilst on holiday recently. A little girl was next to me. She was about 10. She was really sweet and chatty. Her Dad was at the checkout so could see her. She was chatting away to me. When the cubicle was open a lady came out with a child in a pushchair about one year old . The little girl next to me went aww and went to touch his leg. Baby's mum told the little girl off. She looked at me. I just said you did nothing wrong. This was a cute little girl being happy she saw a baby and the mum tried to make her feel like rubbish. It made me really angry.

Madjakelmum · 10/09/2021 18:27

Your absolute horrible!! That poor old man. Just wrap you kid in cotton wool!! Perthetic!!!

peppermintpat · 10/09/2021 18:30

YABU!!! Goodness get a grip. He was just being nice. If you had 'reacted' and I'd have seen you do that I would have stood up for him and said something to you!

lollipopsandrainbows · 10/09/2021 18:33

Just read this threat in The Mirror Confused

Durbeyfield · 10/09/2021 18:37

Don’t be silly, OP.

Catisa · 10/09/2021 18:40

I have a 4 month old baby, I completely understand OP reaction. We are in a pandemic, people shouldn't be touching each other and even less babies who don't have a strong immune system yet
In any case, I think people shouldn't touch a baby without the permission of the parent, people shouldn't even touch a dog with the permission of the owner!!
It's disrespectful

anonymousobserver · 10/09/2021 18:41

A sign warning people not to touch the baby? Who on earth do these women from Generation Me Me Me think they are?

Power crazy, petty and vindictive. But of course, it’s their ‘right’ to be ‘respected’. Lest we forget that the world revolves around them.

lyntheyresexpeople · 10/09/2021 18:41

Yep this is now in the tabloids

Raggedyanabell · 10/09/2021 18:45

@welliesarefuntowear

I was in a queue for the toilet at Tesco whilst on holiday recently. A little girl was next to me. She was about 10. She was really sweet and chatty. Her Dad was at the checkout so could see her. She was chatting away to me. When the cubicle was open a lady came out with a child in a pushchair about one year old . The little girl next to me went aww and went to touch his leg. Baby's mum told the little girl off. She looked at me. I just said you did nothing wrong. This was a cute little girl being happy she saw a baby and the mum tried to make her feel like rubbish. It made me really angry.
Oh god poor little girl. So glad you were there to reassure her. I hate it when mean spirited adults rain on sweet children's parades.
SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2021 18:48

@anonymousobserver

A sign warning people not to touch the baby? Who on earth do these women from Generation Me Me Me think they are?

Power crazy, petty and vindictive. But of course, it’s their ‘right’ to be ‘respected’. Lest we forget that the world revolves around them.

Tbf the only people I've seen with these signs have premature / medically vulnerable babies whereby an endless stream of strangers germs might actually make them poorly. None of it done because they need respect but out of fear for ending up BACK in hospital for MORE weeks / months
31flavours · 10/09/2021 18:48

Touching someone without consent in general is weird.

Raggedyanabell · 10/09/2021 18:53

@anonymousobserver

A sign warning people not to touch the baby? Who on earth do these women from Generation Me Me Me think they are?

Power crazy, petty and vindictive. But of course, it’s their ‘right’ to be ‘respected’. Lest we forget that the world revolves around them.

I agree but It's not just women, I was out with BIL/SIL and niece (around 3MO) pre pandemic and a couple of old ladies come over to coo at her and BIL actually told one of them off for touching her hand whilst chatting to her. I was really embarrassed and felt so sorry for the lady.

I'd read threads on here before but never encountered it in real life, so was pretty shocked!

valleyplaza · 10/09/2021 18:54

Oh god, I could never be mean to an old man that was being nice to a baby.

Juelz · 10/09/2021 18:54

My dear old Dad loved children and adored seeing their lovely little smiling faces. He would often speak to a child in a pushchair when we were out shopping together and on occasion, I had to stop him from touching the child, just to hold it's hand or touch it's face. It was a quite harmless action, but having worked in safeguarding, I realised how this could be misinterpreted. Most elderly people take great joy in talking to children and it's a bit of an old fashioned things to pinch their cheeks, all completely harmless, but nonetheless, can still be taken as the wrong this to do in this day and age. I am sure the gentleman understood your concerns. x

FTEngineerM · 10/09/2021 18:58

@31flavours

Touching someone without consent in general is weird.
How does one gain consent from a baby/toddler?

Shall I ask his consent next time he takes a shit and I want to clean his butt? If he says no I’ll be sure to leave him in his own turd (?)Confused

alexdgr8 · 10/09/2021 19:01

Dfhugdhvdnjrs Thu 09-Sep-21 22:01:20
OP you have absolutely no clue how to behave like a normal adult

Rachand23 · 10/09/2021 19:03

Poor guy. We are too clean, we need to build resistance to germs. By shielding completely we are setting ourselves up for trouble.

shamalidacdak · 10/09/2021 19:04

Omg the drama over your baby being touched! Unless he was a leper I think your Child will survive 🙄

Katieeb24 · 10/09/2021 19:15

Although I never say anything I always worry after. As you never know who anyone is peadophiles come in all shapes and sizes!