Son not home yet, phone off/out of charge AIBU to be worried

[FuchMyLife]

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable 😣

My 21 yr old has gone drinking with mates in a neighbouring town and I was meant to pick him up from the train station at some point last night but he's not replied to any of my messages and now his phone is dead

Don't think he knows any of the guys well enough to sleep at their place so am worried he's sleeping on the street somewhere

Not sure what to do

So glad he's home! What a worry that must have been. I'd have been the same. 12 or 21 I know I'd worried whatever the age. Hope his hangover wasn't too bad.

I wasn't suggesting the op gave her son a bollocking but it is dangerous and irresponsible to drink so much that you lose control of yourself, however old you are. I did it once, had a complete black out, remember nothing about what happened; what I did was fairly obvious when I woke up - and I was told. I never got so drunk again.

@RampantIvy

DD is 21. I will never stop worrying about her.

Quite frankly I'm amazed that some posters on here think that as soon as their DC become adults that their capacity to worry about their DC miraculously disappears. It doesn't.

Given that there had been agreement to meet her DS I can see why @FuchMyLife was so worried.

We are rural and don't have Uber. The last train gets in at 11.30, and if DD hadn't been on it and I hadn't heard from her I would be panic stricken.

And I don't wrap her up in cotton wool either.

Agree It's not wrapping in cotton wool to pick someone up, especially if you live rural. My partner picks me up from the last bus 12 miles from the house and we've done it with all the children, and still do sometimes. It doesn't matter what age a person is, if they arange to meet you, don't turn up and you can not get in touch and they don't get in touch, you are going to worry. Glad it worked out fine for OP, but of course their is a conversation to have about letting people know if you break arrangements on a night out.

And far worse than being told to be more considerate by your mum at 21 years old, is living a life where nobody cares if you ever come home, there's plenty of people in that situation.

@crimsonlake

No matter how old our children get we will always worry. Glad he is home safe.

It would seem on this thread that that is far from always the case, which is utterly baffling to me

@Plumtree391

I wasn't suggesting the op gave her son a bollocking but it is dangerous and irresponsible to drink so much that you lose control of yourself, however old you are. I did it once, had a complete black out, remember nothing about what happened; what I did was fairly obvious when I woke up - and I was told. I never got so drunk again.

Someone should give him a bollocking. Dangerous behaviour and really stupid. He needs to be told.

@ClareBlue

And far worse than being told to be more considerate by your mum at 21 years old, is living a life where nobody cares if you ever come home, there's plenty of people in that situation.

Exactly this. Who else is going to look out for him? If not his family? His friends obviously didn’t.

@Notimeforaname

Letting him recover from the hangover before having a stern talk with him

He's not a child. He doesn't need a 'stern talking to' he's a 21 year old adult.

Of course he needs a stern talking to. One about consideration, respect and the consequences of his actions on other people. Becoming an adult may give you the right to drink as much as you like and stay out all night, but it doesn't give you the right to give the people who care for you sleepless nights because you've arranged something with them and reneged on it without telling them.

@mogsrus

Loobyloo 10. I stayed out one night at that age. & we didn't have phones then,so what happened when I got home? Nothing I was an adult

I really hope that you (and all the other offspring of the cool parents who don't think lack of consideration needs a mention) manage to find equally cool partners who agree that adulthood equals doing exactly as you please, without a word to those worrying about you.

The situation wasn't ideal but he's 21 a brief I was worried chat not a stern talking to would be better .