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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son not home yet, phone off/out of charge AIBU to be worried

185 replies

FuchMyLife · 09/09/2021 02:32

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable 😣

My 21 yr old has gone drinking with mates in a neighbouring town and I was meant to pick him up from the train station at some point last night but he's not replied to any of my messages and now his phone is dead

Don't think he knows any of the guys well enough to sleep at their place so am worried he's sleeping on the street somewhere

Not sure what to do

OP posts:
MinnieJackson · 09/09/2021 07:58

Hope he's in soon Flowers

MatildaIThink · 09/09/2021 08:05

He is 21, he has either crashed on a friend's sofa or met someone and is in their bed.

AleynEivlys · 09/09/2021 08:13

This is really pathetic, but I spend quite a lot of time thinking and worrying about situations like this. My daughters are 7 and 4. 😣 I'm really dreading it.

I hope he's ok and he has turned up now.

caughtinanet · 09/09/2021 08:14

@MatildaIThink

He is 21, he has either crashed on a friend's sofa or met someone and is in their bed.
Would you be saying the same if a 21 year old daughter had done the same?

The OP doesn't need me to type out the things she's worried about but you must live a very charmed life if those are the only outcomes you can think of.

MatildaIThink · 09/09/2021 08:24

They are not the only things I can think of, but they are by far the most likely, by an order of magnitude.

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 08:25

@caughtinanet of course they're not the only possibilities but they are by far the most likely

saoirse31 · 09/09/2021 08:28

Hope he's either home or been in contact op. Best solution, given his age, is to be letting him make his own way home I'd have thought.

Ughmaybenot · 09/09/2021 08:29

Chances are very much that he just got too drunk, he let his phone die before updating you and either crashed at a mates place or pulled and is with a girl (or guy!). He’ll appear, rough as a badgers arse at some point this morning.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so worried though, I think most of us would be, despite knowing the chances of something bad happening are fairly low.
Hope he’s home soon

Ugzbugz · 09/09/2021 08:29

I would feel the same, I went home for a spell In my 30s and would always message if I wasnt coming home, but saved my DM sleeping with one eye open. Is he home yet?

caughtinanet · 09/09/2021 08:30

@MatildaIThink I was commenting on what you'd written, how I could I tell that wasn't what you meant? Confused

@LegendaryReady too, we can only comment on the words posters type, imagine the confusion of we made our own interpretations Grin

HunkyPunk · 09/09/2021 08:49

YANBU to worry, or be cross about broken arrangements, but I’m afraid it’s par for the course for young adults still at home, and you should try not to communicate your worry overmuch when he comes home. (Slight annoyance at him not letting you know he didn’t need a lift, maybe!)

The overwhelming likelihood is that he’s absolutely fine. Every single time I had, in my mind’s eye, any of mine collapsed (or worse) in a ditch - most memorably one New Year’s Day when ds1, 18 at the time, was incommunicado until 3pm that afternoon (had gone to an after party in a village with no phone signal!) - they’ve turned up with phones out of charge etc.

Hope he’s made contact now, although if it was a heavy night, he may not have surfaced yet!

Original poster
FuchMyLife · 09/09/2021 09:01

Thank heavens he's now home 💞

He's lost his phone and back back (thankfully still has his wallet) but hopefully he's left it them at a mates house

He blacked out and somehow found himself at a random train station between home and the town he went drinking in 🤦

He's in a bad state but in one peace and home.

Letting him recover from the hangover before having a stern talk with him

OP posts:
Original poster
FuchMyLife · 09/09/2021 09:03

*piece

OP posts:
Cheesecake53 · 09/09/2021 09:04

I am so happy for you!

idontlikealdi · 09/09/2021 09:05

Glad he's home but bloody hell at 21 the talking to needs to be about him having the courtesy to let you know if he's not coming home or if he's staying out, not about getting smashed.

When I went home after uni for a bit I had to let my mum know if I was going to be in at some point or staying out. I usually texted her to say I was staying out and then if I came home it was a bonus but she could sleep without worrying.

toomuchlaundry · 09/09/2021 09:07

Worrying how he blacked out

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 09:07

@FuchMyLife

Thank heavens he's now home 💞

He's lost his phone and back back (thankfully still has his wallet) but hopefully he's left it them at a mates house

He blacked out and somehow found himself at a random train station between home and the town he went drinking in 🤦

He's in a bad state but in one peace and home.

Letting him recover from the hangover before having a stern talk with him

Don't bother with the stern talk. Honestly, he's 21 this is a valuable lesson and all's well that ends well. If he's going to learn from it the experience itself will be more valuable than anything his mother can say.

Don't offer lifts on nights out again.

Wole · 09/09/2021 09:11

Oh dear! Glad he's back but I'd be making sure he knows how dangerous it is blacking out like that.

NewlyGranny · 09/09/2021 09:11

I'm reminded of my own DS at a younger age, though legal to drink, calling me at 5am after a night out with mates in a notorious resort on the opposite coast. They had lucked out on finding local girls gormless enough to ask them back and had tried to sleep on benches at the railway station. Early rising seagulls had contributed to their sleeplessness and DS was daft enough to try to make earplugs out of roll-up filters (those things that come in cellophane and look like tampons for a Barbie doll) which promptly disappeared into his ear canals and couldn't be got out but failed to silence the gulls.

Cue cross-country early morning rescuer mission from me. (It's not much more than half an hour coast-to-coast here.) He's grown up to be quite responsible, OP, though the process took him past 21.

I'm sure your DS will be fine, too, and you'll laugh over it one day as we do now. 🤞💐

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 09:15

FWIW my DS got into this state only once and thank god some randoms at the party (he still doesn't know who they were) brought him home. He frightened himself though and has never done it since. Barely has more than one or two pints now and won't touch vodka.

He won't need mum to tell him how dangerous or stupid it was.

RampantIvy · 09/09/2021 09:17

@toomuchlaundry

Worrying how he blacked out
I agree. Could his drink have been spiked? Also worrying that his "mates" left him on his own.
NewlyGranny · 09/09/2021 09:18

Oh, cross-posted? He's back! So glad. And a railway station was involved - snap.

Of course you're going to rescue him, but I only had to do it once. My DS's phone was fine all the time; he said he just waited until he felt it wasn't too early to call. 😉

OldTinHat · 09/09/2021 09:19

He's 21, not a child! And why are you offering to pick him up ffs? Is he not able to phone a taxi? Get that cotton wool that you've wrapped him up in off and let him learn some independence. You're doing him no favours.

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 09:19

It's also entirely possible that he didn't black out, but is saying that to absolve himself of responsibility.

It's amazing how many people can't remember what they've been up to when drunk Grin

toomuchlaundry · 09/09/2021 09:20

@LegendaryReady hopefully he won’t need telling, but seeing how some partners on here behave when drink is involved, it might be beneficial for OP to have a word

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