To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

My children would not be allowed to behave this way, my SEN 9 year old included. It's unacceptable for neighbours not to be allowed quiet enjoyment of their property.
I'm not sure if they would be very receptive if you did talk to them OP. If they aren't bothering to intervene already, it seems they don't care.

[quote RussianSpy101]@Flawedperfection when my autistic son is having a meltdown, which is severe distress at something and completely out of his control, the last thing on my mind is what my neighbours are “having to put up with”
My concern is my son.[/quote]
Understandably. But you'd hardly leave him screaming in the garden multiple times a day?

I don't think you're being particularly unreasonable, but we all know it's a short phase and for the sake of your long term neighbourly relationship I wouldn't say anything.
They know he's noisy. They hear it too.

It's a shame they aren't proactively getting him inside to quiet down, but it's a bit tough really isn't it.

I personally wouldn't rock the boat. Next summer it will be different. Hopefully.

Just don’t do it. The child may well have a disability, just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

We all need to learn to block out the noise, unless you live in the middle of nowhere noise is going to be all around you. It’s up to the individual how they manage noise. And before anyone says it, i am not including anti social behaviour in this obviously.

That would drive me mad & YANBU.

I do feel sorry for the child & wonder if the other siblings are winding them up.

You're allowed to want to enjoy your own garden. The parents should intervene & try to at least encourage him indoors. Unfortunately it's their responsibility - even if it is a tough one for them to deal with.

I agree that, in the interest of neighbourly relations I probably wouldn't highlight something they are probably already aware of, and possibly trying hard to rectify for what could be a phase which will pass come next summer when you are back sitting on your garden.

@flawedperfection

My hard hat is being donned as we speak, but even if it’s a child with autism or something, wtaf should the neighbours have to put up with its noise? I sympathize with people with difficult kids but I don’t know why others should put up with it.

You sound delightful, referring to a child with Autism as "it" and "difficult".

If you were to call over and ask if the child is ok, would he respond and calm down? If there is no Sen and the child is just a little spoiled knob dramatic, I would definitely have to say something. No way would I allow my children to scream and tantrum in the back garden, it’s just good manners to not inflict your misbehaved children on the neighbours.

They know he's noisy. They hear it too

So you admit they're lazy then?

I know some parents don't like to admit their sen kids are hard work, but it is laziness.

I am now paranoid that you’re my neighbour……
I probably am a bit immune to the noise of my dc but they argue a lot over football although I do bring them in when they shout loudly.
One of mine has SEN but my neighbours don’t know that.

@Sparklfairy

This will be an unpopular opinion but I don't think kids should be impacting on neighbours just because "they can't help it". Bring them inside.

Totally agree. It is over the top behaviour for the age of the child. If the child has behavioural issues or special needs then the parents need to be with the child more often rather than just leave the poor kid to be genuinely distressed by his or her siblings. If there are no special issues then they need to act to stop the behaviour. Any kid of any age can have the odd OTT behaviour moment but it should not be happening regularly in a 'bloodcurdling scream' kind of way! That is ridiculous! It is anti-social and poor parenting. I'd have the quiet and polite word and if that does not work or they 'laugh in your face' as someone else said, then I'd record and date a few episodes and talk to the council environmental health re the noise. You should not have to put up with it.

Wifi has died so typing on phone with thumbs!

@CantBeAssed I’d hate for that to be the impact, honestly. I’m sorry you are currently having a hard time with your DS at the mo and wish you all the best.

I really appreciate each of you taking the time to post. It is helpful. I won’t say anything to the neighbours because I’m sure those of you who said it won’t be helpful and has the potential to really offend are right.

A couple of potentially relevant points.

• this isn’t new, goes back 15 months to when we first moved in, no idea why it’s particularly got to me today probably just a bit hormonal and overwhelmed. I guess I don’t understand why the parents don’t intervene more. If DS has SEN, wouldn’t no attempt at intervention most of the time be unusual?
• when I say 5 mins, I don’t mean 5 mins a day and that’s it, just intermittent screaming bouts of around that length in response to, say, not getting the ball.

Anyway, I’m reading all your posts and taking them on board, particularly those from posters who have DC with SEN and are haven’t to deal with seriously distressed children on a regular basis

Oh yes. You must tell them. They will be enjoying the noise he’s making and have no idea how awful it sounds to other people.
They can then gag him while he plays.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Oh yes. You must tell them. They will be enjoying the noise he’s making and have no idea how awful it sounds to other people. They can then gag him while he plays.

You make it sounds as though there's not a single thing they can do except leave him in the garden all day to have his multiple tantrums in full earshot of the street. Use your imagination, fgs.

Yanbu op this would really irritate me to. My DSS actually does this it is so bloody annoying and he knows it which is why he does it. I find it so embarrassing. Hes 9 though!!

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Oh yes. You must tell them. They will be enjoying the noise he’s making and have no idea how awful it sounds to other people. They can then gag him while he plays.

Yes that’s right, I’m expecting them to gag him 🙄

Get the distinct impression you haven’t read much of what I’ve written.

@GreyhoundG1rl
And if he has autism and cannot control the meltdowns yet, he should just not be allowed outside?

I'd seriously consider moving if almost be every day.

Him screaming for 5 minutes each time he doesn't get the ball is not OK. Put note through door op say you wouldn't usually say anything but you suffer with migraines.

OP is being thoroughly reasonable.

Unlike a couple of posters.
Environmental health do not consider noise made by children it is considered everyday noise.

I have a family with 3 of these behind, with trampoline, often bloodcurdling screams.

I love to hear happy playing, but not angry or inconsiderate playing.

Parents should say to their children: play nicely in the garden or you'll have to come inside.

Unfortunately my neighbours chuck their kids in the garden with no supervision or parenting and this is the space for the kids to scream blue murder, rather than in the house.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt, but all the behaviour of the parents is inconsiderate, from building works and letting the children scream outside when its pitch black in summer so well after 10pm (primary school kids).

It's not the children's fault, the parents are inconsiderate idiots who are very sadly turning their children into inconsiderate idiots also.

My son has autism I wouldn't leave him screaming in the garden for 5 long minutes each meltdown.

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@GreyhoundG1rl
And if he has autism and cannot control the meltdowns yet, he should just not be allowed outside?[/quote]
The kid in question is screaming when he's discommoded when playing football. There's nothing to suggest he has autism or any other condition.

@DGFB

Of course you can’t say anything. They are children - in their garden! If you don’t like it then move somewhere away from other people’s gardens? Before you know it they will be older and more able to handle their emotions. Please don’t expect parents to somehow stop their children having a meltdown

I can't quite tell for sure, I really hope this is sarcastic.