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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

612 replies

turndownthevolume · 08/09/2021 18:36

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

OP posts:
hippychick10 · 11/09/2021 17:24

[quote Rosejasmine]@hippychick10. Yes. You have absolutely no idea do you? It’s their own garden whether or not a child has a learning disability. Children make noise.
It’s a flipping nightmare having a young child with a learning disability at times and the noisy behaviour can’t be stopped, it’s not a choice, Now if it’s a bunch of partying teenagers raving day and night then that’s different because it is a choice Hmm[/quote]
At 0630 nearly every morning? Sorry but that child should be indoors being kept an eye on....even if a child didn't have SEN, that child should not be out screaming their head off waking up everybody.

A teenage party happens once every so often not every bloody day

5zeds · 11/09/2021 17:28

spikey and I aren’t the same personConfused

I’m glad to know not speaking English as your first language isn’t considered a Sen/d it was bunched in with SEN/D in a discussion about funding I was once part of and I don’t think I ever questioned it.

All these things are really very dependent on your own experience. I don’t really mind people who really know nothing of more severe disability not understanding but the being told you’re a crap mother, mocked and likened to a pigeon is a bit much. How very un-MN and as we used to say “not in the spirit”.

SecretSpAD · 11/09/2021 17:32

Just popping in to top,up the GinGin

carlywurly · 11/09/2021 17:48

We have this issue with next door. They are so loud and shrieky it makes it hard to enjoy the garden. Last week was an exorcist style tantrum complete with a screeched "I hate you, motherfucker" The child is about 9. I was in the garden open-mouthed and the child was brought in for that one, but reacted by opening and slamming the windows repeatedly.

No idea if there's SEN. They don't engage with us at all so I've given up trying.

They are planning to emigrate soon and I can't bloody wait.

5zeds · 11/09/2021 18:33

Where are they emigrating too?

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/09/2021 18:45

Why, do you want to go with them?

5zeds · 11/09/2021 18:55
Confused
Annoyedanddissapointed · 11/09/2021 19:04

Wherever they are going, good luck to them, because many others don't tolerate this behaviour like Brits do.
Note for some people. That does not mean kids can't be kids. But there is a limit of tolerance and no one likes pisstakers

5zeds · 11/09/2021 19:12

No idea if there's SEN.

They are planning to emigrate soon

Some countries will allow immigrants with children with sen/disability but it’s not the norm.

5zeds · 11/09/2021 19:14

because many others don't tolerate this behaviour like Brits do. I don’t find that at all. We travel a lot (precovid) and honestly part of the draw is that people are so welcoming.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 11/09/2021 19:19

@5zeds

because many others don't tolerate this behaviour like Brits do. I don’t find that at all. We travel a lot (precovid) and honestly part of the draw is that people are so welcoming.
Because you don't live next to them permanently.
LookAtMoiPloise · 11/09/2021 19:23

Because you don't live next to them permanently

Looooool

5zeds · 11/09/2021 19:26

Because you don't live next to them permanently. me personally? Or disabled people in general?

I’ve lived in many different countries @Annoyedanddissapointed do you travel with disabled people/children or is just a feeling?

Annoyedanddissapointed · 11/09/2021 19:37

You lived in many different countries? Good for you!(not sarcasm)

It's great to see the world. Usually it makes people into better people. Unfortunately I only have experience from 3 including UK. But I have friends in different ones so secondary sources available 😂

Annoyedanddissapointed · 11/09/2021 19:38

Oh and sorry. Forgot to say. You personally. Because no one here actually, contrary to your mindboggling repetition of similar, has issue with disabled people

YetAnotherSpartacus · 11/09/2021 19:45

We have this issue with next door. They are so loud and shrieky it makes it hard to enjoy the garden. Last week was an exorcist style tantrum complete with a screeched "I hate you, motherfucker" The child is about 9. I was in the garden open-mouthed and the child was brought in for that one, but reacted by opening and slamming the windows repeatedly

Oh my. That sounds awful. I hope that they leave soon!

carlywurly · 11/09/2021 20:26

They're moving a long away as I understand it. I've genuinely no idea if it's a case of sen or if they're just feral. There's no evidence of any discipline at all and I often look out the window just to check there aren't any injuries given the racket. They are like mine were as toddlers at their worst, but these two are aged about 9 and 7.

I can hear them out there now bouncing on an unguarded trampoline in the dark and screaming. Their ball has been kicked into my fence so hard and so regularly it's chipped the top. I've stopped throwing them straight back now.

Our previous neighbours were totally lovely so it was always going to be downhill, and the rest of the road is great, but this family just make me really uncomfortable. We tried to say hello when they moved in and were blanked. My dcs classified them as weird on day one (and I told them off!) but they were right. It makes it hard to address any of this with them. Fingers crossed they're off very soon!

Annoyedanddissapointed · 11/09/2021 20:42

Apparently this is the only acceptable solution @carlywurly 🤷🏻
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07NM3RSRQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_ERRYJFB7XCXXQY6FFWT5?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

On a serious note. I hope they move soon.
Oi from scooter is great sound to play. Repetitive, easy for kids to remember the chorus. Parents will love it

YetAnotherSpartacus · 11/09/2021 20:56

Yes, the last few pages of discussion have got very odd. No one should have to put up with constant and loud neighbour noise be it the screaming described, barking dogs or music.

carlywurly · 11/09/2021 21:30

@Annoyedanddissapointed I have just bought the noise cancelling AirPods! They are amazing. Grin

santabetterwashhishands · 11/09/2021 21:43

Well I have an autistic child who can be loud but if the neighbour complained I'd just point out the fact he can't go out alone,he doesn't have friends to hang out with and a garden is a place you can let off some steam 🤷‍♀️
Luckily my neighbours are lovely and understand children make noise 😉

Intercity225 · 11/09/2021 21:54

In real life with all the parents I mix with the term SEN is rarely used and when talking about educational needs, the term SEND is used.

I've been in the world of SEN for 25 years, and never heard any professional or parent use SEND, except with reference to the Tribunal. DD has always been in special provision and I've listened to hundreds of parents of children with SEN.

5zeds · 11/09/2021 22:02

But in school surely SEN/D is the norm?

Do your leavers still use that terminology or do they say “disabled” or their dx?

Just to be clear, I think it’s interesting that the terminology is used differently by different people, it’s not a negative thing. I havv bf ent heard anyone describe themselves as a SENparent or say I hss as ve a SENchild, but have heard SN and AN.

Intercity225 · 11/09/2021 22:26

IMO, this summarises the difference between SEN and disability:

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-are-special-educational-needs

When DD was in school, I said she had SEN, because she needed special educational provisions, whereas outside school people didn't realise there was anything wrong with her. I usually couldn't be bothered to list all her diagnoses.

RickOShay · 12/09/2021 11:43

I think I would describe my child as having SEN, not a SEN child.

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