To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

Sorry I was responding to @TwinsandTrifle , not that it matters really.

Most people I know wouldn’t describe their child or themselves as Sen child, or Sen parent.

Twins and trifle

You sound like an amazing parent. I love the fact that despite the hardship it brings you, you are preparing your child for the realities of the future.

Jesus wept.

Do you actually think I refer to DS as "SEN DS" anywhere other than Mumsnet when I'm highlighting to strangers that my son has SEN because it's relevant to that part of the thread.

(Strolls through park) "SEN Peter, come here dear child"

Fucking. Hell. Actual tears of laughter at the ridiculousness of what you've just come out with.

Why would you think I thought you were calling your child, “SEN child”? I was just interested because it’s a turn of phrase that tends to come up in discussions here and is fairly universally disliked and people here tend to say “disabled”. We use our children’s names as I assume you do.j

Could you stop swearing at me?

You're veering into quite surreal territory now, 5zeds
Your point, if any, remains completely obscure. I really hope Twins is taking no notice of your nonsense.

I'm not swearing at you. You can tell the difference by the fact I'm not telling you to F off. See I censored that bit as not to offend.

I can say fucking hell out loud in utter disbelief on an adult forum as I'm crying with laughter, as I please.

If I didn't before, I certainly can't take you seriously now.

Why would you think I thought you were calling your child, “SEN child”?

Quite possibly because you said:

Most people I know wouldn’t describe their child as Sen child

I can't stop saying SEN-Peter and going into fits of giggles now

@GreyhoundG1rl oh, I honestly don't mind. The revelation of SEN-Peter was worth it.

But surreal is a good word for their musings.

I don’t have “a point” I asked a question about terminology because I was interested. I’ve posted (admittedly mostly on the SN boards) for 20 of years. I think the take on disability here has shifted and I expect is also regional. I don’t really like the need for a uniform way of thinking so I expect uniform terminology isn’t ideal either. It was curiosity bug by all means continue with the gentle mocking, swearing and disapproval.

Most people I know wouldn’t describe their child as Sen child sorry I should have specified “when discussing their child”. As I said I assumed you used your child’s name.

To be fair most (if not all) posters on this thread have said SEN to describe their child - not disabled so I don't think your point is valid. You may not like that description but that's not universal. It also more accurately describes the disability in relation to the post. Disabled is a very wide spectrum of things. SEN narrows it down somewhat.

Why am I not calling my son his name, on an internet forum. Is that a real question.

He's SEN DS when it's relevant that the child I'm talking about has SEN. He's DS13 at any other time.

But for the purposes of this thread, and this thread alone, any subsequent mention of DS will be as his alter ego SEN-Peter.

Sorry I wasn’t trying to make a point or push a terminology (though I use disabled so obv that’s my preference) I was genuinely curious. Here SEN is only really used in school related stuff, but I guess we could all just be copying each other so it’s become commonplace? Do you use SEN child instead of disabled child ( nb not in front of their name )? And I guess I should also add IF your child is both disabled and has SEN?

Disabled is a very wide spectrum of things. SEN narrows it down somewhat.

This

I’ve never heard a child with autism or adhd called a disabled child before.
In fact I thought particularly with autism the idea that it was a disability rather than a unique way of thinking (i appreciate that for many autism is incredibly ‘disabling’)
would be frowned upon.

I don’t think anyone here would suggest autism wasn’t a disability. In fact they’d probably be a bit cross if you minimised their experience like that.

I’ve never heard a child with autism or adhd called a disabled child before.

Me neither. Not in real life. MN is the only place I've encountered this. Personally I don't care about, or feel the need to judge, which one people use. But yes, disabled could mean absolutely anything. Whereas SEN is far more specific.

Well the two descriptors overlap but I’m not sure why you’re more likely to have SEN than be disabled if you have behavioural problems of the kind described. But I really wasn’t looking for a terminology row, I’m in the SW and here we recognise invisible disability rather than describing it as SEN, because we would use SEN more when describing issues in school, or at least in my circle, though I’m beginning to wonder how normal that is if the rest of the country use “SEN” to describe invisible disability.

I've had the very same thing. An older boy, 10 years or so, having what appeared to be a screaming, aggressive meltdown. It transpired that the boy had been diagnosed with Autism. The family, who I got to know really well, fostered several profoundly disabled children. I can only say, that I have huge respect for this couple, who have helped so many children - not to mention the families. I remember the smell. The whole family smelled so gorgeous! There may be a reason, that you are not aware of, why this child is behaving like this. I just know, that I don't know what battles people have to face in their daily lives. Just ask.

SEN relates only to education. Outside of education it is has additional needs or has special needs or has a disability. Ds who has autism has a disability because for him it is disabling.

@Spikeyball if you told me your son had autism or SEN or SN I would know what you meant immediately. If you said he was disabled it could be a number of things. It's obviously your call to describe your son how you wish but if you are explaining to others disabled is not necessarily the quickest route to explain your sons condition. I guess it's similar to someone blind describing themselves as disabled. If you let a restaurant know you were disabled how would they cater for that unless you give further description of your condition ie I am blind. Therefore why not just describe as such in the first instance? When the whole point of a disability is that they have additional needs surely the description of the condition is better than the umbrella description that fits anyone from a dyslexic to a paraplegic ?

You should probably move to an isolated area with no neighbours if you want peace and quiet.

So everyone in the street should move to a more isolated area because of one family. Why don't they move to a more isolated are so their kid can scream as much as it wants without disturbing everyone else? The OP isn't complaining about a normal level of noise

@Hhhh3345566

You should probably move to an isolated area with no neighbours if you want peace and quiet.

5* so original. Amazing. Absolutely right. Bowing to your intelligent remark there. applaus

"if you told me your son had autism or SEN or SN I would know what you meant immediately"

My son has sen and autism. Describe his needs.

Disability is important because that is what gives the right to reasonable adjustment.
None of the descriptors would tell you what his needs actually are.

Sen only applies to under 25 and sn only applies to children.