To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

Reading through and just want to say @TwinsandTrifle this is for you.

@Spikeyball very possibly a s that is indeed what we are talking about here. So bearing that in mind when talking to a wider group of people most of whom will not have children with special needs it may be more appropriate to use the term SEN or special needs so others know what you are talking about, no?

I honestly think that’s dreadful @whatthejiggeries

@Sparklfairy

This will be an unpopular opinion but I don't think kids should be impacting on neighbours just because "they can't help it". Bring them inside.

No I actually agree with this, I have 4 children and would not leave them screaming in garden like that every day and one of the reasons would be out of respect for the neighbours. I actually have a similar situation at the moment but they always take her in and have actually apologised in the past too

I will use the correct terms. If people choose to be uneducated and ignorant, that is their problem.

She can't describe his needs. Just like I wouldn't be able to describe the needs of a diabetic. But I know what diabetes is.

So if you know what autism is, describe what my son is like.

You've repeated the same thing. She can deduce what sort of condition it is/isn't. ADHD. Autism. ODD. Things that primarily relate to behaviour. She can't from that, know which condition, or how much one particular child is affected. Read what I said again. Slowly.

Appreciate the gin folks. This is a hard slog trying to explain some very simple statements. It's not even SEN related now, just English.

In real life with all the parents I mix with the term SEN is rarely used and when talking about educational needs, the term SEND is used.

That's quite interesting, because the opposite applies in my experience. The only person that uses SEND is his form tutor at his current school.

It’s really hard interacting with you @TwinsandTrifle because you are so very rude. Why is it necessary? What on Earth do you hope to achieve? Children who have no disability at all can have SEN, those who are ill, bereaved, have MH problems, speak English as a second language, etc

speak English as a second language,

That's not SEN...

@Spikeyball it's not their problem though is it? It's your problem. And if you choose not to help them it doesn't help your problem

She can deduce what sort of condition it is/isn't. ADHD. Autism. ODD. Things that primarily relate to behaviour.

Autism doesn't primarily relate to behaviour and SEN doesn't mean what you think it means.

@5zeds

It’s really hard interacting with you *@TwinsandTrifle* because you are so very rude. Why is it necessary? What on Earth do you hope to achieve? Children who have no disability at all can have SEN, those who are ill, bereaved, have MH problems, speak English as a second language, etc

@5zeds. I don’t think TwinsandTrifle is the rude one here. I’ve re read this thread and what started out as an interesting and informative discussion, you have turned into a nitpicking match.

Nitpicking is an excellent term. It's almost like that's all that's left to clutch to, after the resounding "no, the neighbours shouldn't have to put up with anyone's lack of parenting". So, nitpicking will have to do.

In more serious news, M&S were out of passion fruit martini. Bah humbug.

The term SEN covers a wide range of needs. These include behavioural, emotional and social difficulties, speech, language and communication, hearing impairment, visual impairment, multi-sensory impairment, physical disability and autism.

This is the definition of SEN given by a LA.

Having English as a second language isn't a SEN

Children are not considered to have SEN just because their first language is not English,

Okay the quotes got sucked into the main text!

Not that a clear definition of SEN really helps OP with the next door dc.

@TwinsandTrifle. Have you tried Baileys Apple Pie limited edition ? I was given a bottle this morning and can’t wait to try it.

Come to that, if you like gin, have you tried Greenalls blueberry gin ? I’m not normally a fan of flavoured gin but this one is fab - not sweet at all. Sorry, didn’t mean to derail the thread.

Good to know @longerevenings

No, but that's got "Hello, Christmas!" written all over it, so that'll do for me!!

This thread is little more than leftover whining of non-points now, and not worth responding. So I'll bid you farewell. And a little gem to leave you with: Google "playing chess with pigeons." If you click on images, it'll take you to the quote. Apply generously to this thread

www.askideas.com/media/46/Arguing-With-Idiots-Is-Like-Playing-Chess-With-A-Pigeon-Funny-Chess-Meme-Image.jpg

Sorry but just had to post the link - absolutely describes the shit show this thread has become. @TwinsandTrifle, it’s been a blast talking to you, and you’ve talked the most sense I’ve seen on an MN thread in a long long time - I know it’s early in the day but just poured some apple pie baileys over ben and jerry’s ‘vermonts’ best’ vanilla ice cream. Just wow !! Happy nitpicking everyone, ta ta.xxxxx

"The term SEN covers a wide range of needs. These include behavioural, emotional and social difficulties, speech, language and communication, hearing impairment, visual impairment, multi-sensory impairment, physical disability and autism."

I agree. That was the definition I went by as a teacher.

Ahh remember @5zeds someone's child will be in the world of work! Kind of shows right there that yet again it is supposed parents of children who are less affected than what ours happen to be.

Also apparently one has managed to raise one correctly to reduce the meltdowns! Magic indeed! Quite clearly not as severely affected as others then.

Also appears to be that they're slightly lacking with things to do given how they're still on cherry picking and making random things up along with being ever so rude! But wait, they know best yet again and us bad, terrible parents lacking their vastly superior parenting skills.... we should hang our heads in shame.

This all started by @5zeds saying no one uses SEN they use disability. Now you say you use SEN and SEND. Don't know how the rest of the world is supposed to decipher what in your mind is the right description so I'm with the others. Lovely day for a gin ta-ra

SEND is used when talking to other parents of children with significant needs. As in SENDCOP - the book with the laws in that we have to force local authorities to follow - and SENDIST - the court we have to go to force local authorities to behave in a lawful way and provide our children with what they need.
Presumably something you don't need to think about.

No. I have my own issues to think about - as do we all.