Cycling DH’s or those who do a lot of sports - why is this a problem on MN?

[mrkrp]

I see quite a lot of vitriol against cyclist husbands on here and I do wonder why. I get the whole MAMIL thing and yes, it’s definitely boring if they go on about it too much. But aside from that, what is the problem? I, for one, have a cycling obsessed DH and don’t care when he goes out in his bike. Not do I care about any of his other sports. Am I missing something?

The number of hours they spend doing their hobby, and the amount of money they spend on it, while their DW doesn't get a reciprocal arrangement.

I'm pretty sure the vitriol is against the men whose hobbies take them away from family life and demands for large chunks of the weekend or evenings without the woman having the ability to do the same.

Usually the cycling obsessed husband uses it as an opportunity to shirk all other responsibilities in the home and dump the children on their wives. Wife also rarely has the same amount of leisure time to pursue her hobbies.

I don't mind my DH having hobbies because we both have equal amounts of leisure time and equal amounts of house work/childcare etc. I'd be pissed off if my DH fucked off on his bike all day Saturday but moaned if I did the same on a Sunday.

Posters that talk about their DH's hobby but can't name it because it's outing are usually called out to admit it's cycling but that's nothing against the cyclist.

If a poster posts about a cyclist DH that spends every Saturday cycling and so is unavailable to his family, then he's going to get vitriol.

I think it’s about time spent away from the family, and dodging fair share of parenting/housework when the partner then doesn’t get a similar amount of time/money to pursue their hobby. Some people can spend 6 hrs out on the bike, and thousands of pounds a year.

My partner is a cyclist and an ultra runner, but we don’t have kids, he does his fair share of chores and he makes a big effort to fit it round personal and family time. It helps that I’m a cyclist and runner too, although less competitive. I quite enjoy an hour or two with the house to myself!

Do you have DC? Does your DH do any household chores etc?

@moynomore

I'm pretty sure the vitriol is against the men whose hobbies take them away from family life and demands for large chunks of the weekend or evenings without the woman having the ability to do the same.

Agreed. A lot of the upset comes from the fact that men will swan off on evenings and weekends to indulge in their hobbies because they feel deserve to, and often their partner will be left to look after children/get no equivalent time to themselves.

You are cool wife. Teach us your ways.

I'm married to a cycling and running MAMIL. I don't have any issues with it at all. But DH is considerate, checks with me before arranging long rides/runs and does a fair share of house/child related stuff. He also toned it right back when the DC were young and picked it back up again once they were a bit older/easier.

Yes, a husband who puts his obsession before family is my kinda guy

Cycling is a time intensive and expensive hobby. It's incompatible with family life when there are young children.

That said, I do know men who are keen to teach their kids and get them involved. But I don't know any that do that unless the kids' mum is also a keen cyclist. Which tells you something.

@ChirpyChirp my DH is the same - he’s been a keen cyclist ever since he was very young, but he always asks if I’m ok with him going out and fits it in around family time - like while we have lighter nights he’ll go out for an hour in the evening when it was my turn to do bedtime anyway, or in the winter he’ll do the same but on Zwift. He does do weekend rides sometimes but keeps it to 2 hours max and again is flexible with timings. He knows he’ll be able to do it more in the future when kids are less dependent.

You ask what you're missing, it's pretty obvious isn't it?

You clearly don't understand that not everyone is the same as you.I think you aren't being entirely honest your post, there literally can't be anyone doesnt know that people are bothered by different things

What kind of answers are you expecting?

I’m not cool in the least, but when he’s out on his bike, it just means I can have a lie in or do something else. To be fair, our kids are teens now. I can’t remember when the cycling starts really, but he goes out most days. He’s out now. Before that it was other things, but I must like my own space I guess?

I don’t get it either, mine is a cyclist, he sometimes takes my son with him, double win. I’m a semi-professional sportsman, that takes a lot more time than his cycling, I still had plenty time (as a single parent) to raise my son, cook and do all the boring stuff.

I’m not cool in the least, but when he’s out on his bike, it just means I can have a lie in or do something else. To be fair, our kids are teens now

Well, there's the difference.

You don't have very young children who need constant care.

@mrkrp

I’m not cool in the least, but when he’s out on his bike, it just means I can have a lie in or do something else. To be fair, our kids are teens now. I can’t remember when the cycling starts really, but he goes out most days. He’s out now. Before that it was other things, but I must like my own space I guess?

I guess you haven't actually read any of the threads then. Because you can't possibly be this dim.

DHand I both cycle (him more than me, but I run and swim as well) and he fits it in round us and its fine. But he doesn't go out with the club as they will go out at 9 on a Sunday and don't get back till 2, and I see loads of cyclists and triathletes who spend all available time out or recovering from training

@Simonjt

I don’t get it either, mine is a cyclist, he sometimes takes my son with him, double win. I’m a semi-professional sportsman, that takes a lot more time than his cycling, I still had plenty time (as a single parent) to raise my son, cook and do all the boring stuff.

I think the sometimes taking your son with him is probably why you don't get it!

I take the point about the time away from going children etc, but I think it’s more than that on MN. I’ve seen many threads where the DH is under fire and people will be saying, “I bet he’s a cyclist too.”

Because I’d rather have a husband who goes out on a his bike, then one who spends loads of time in the pub or playing video games.

It's an in joke that has stemmed from many threads about outing hobbies. We don't really hate cyclists. The people we really hate are gamers and, obviously, larpers.

It''s not the actual hobby that's the issue, but that some men are using their hobby as a way to dump their half of the parenting and household duties onto their wives, leaving the wife with no time to herself.

What is a larper?

@Simonjt

I don’t get it either, mine is a cyclist, he sometimes takes my son with him, double win. I’m a semi-professional sportsman, that takes a lot more time than his cycling, I still had plenty time (as a single parent) to raise my son, cook and do all the boring stuff.

I think also that you're not having that raging against the gender stereotype thing that is so infuriating for women.

(Yes, you obviously have different challenges that hetero normative / birth parents don't have!)