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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to his big do tonight?

210 replies

FrogDoYoda · 08/09/2021 15:25

Fuming with eyebrowless DP. He moved in with me a few months back and lost his job (company went bankrupt) a few weeks later. He said he was actively looking for another job but whenever I come in from work he’s either browsing car forums or playing computer games. He does fuck all around the house.
Anyway he asked me if id go to this work do with him tonight, I initially declined as I won’t know anyone and I suffer with social anxiety, plus I’ll be tired from work. He begged, saying it was so important, he couldn’t possibly go alone as all couples will be there, made me feel really guilty so eventually I agreed but told him I wanted some things doing around the house while I’m at work.

  1. Take some of his junk to the tip rather than leaving it piled up in the spare bedroom which I’m waiting to decorate
  2. Cut the grass
  3. Paint the white woodwork downstairs (doors and skirting boards!).

He agreed.
Monday I got home work work and he’d done fuck all. He said he couldn’t go to tip as he needed to sort the stuff out first. He couldn’t cut the grass as it was wet (it wouldn’t have been after lunch time) and he couldn’t paint the woodwork as it needed cleaning first. I was fuming. I had it out with him, he said he’d do it all on Tuesday.
Yesterday I got home from work and he’d done fuck all. He said he’d started sorting his junk out but needed some bin bags. It was too hot to cut the grass and he couldn’t paint as it was too hot in the house.

I told him if it wasn’t done today I wouldn’t be going tonight. He agreed.

I’ve just got home from work and he hasn’t been to tip but said he’d ordered bin bags off Amazon (we live 2 minutes away from asda). He couldn’t do the grass as his hayfever was playing up and he has decided there is too much white wood work so we should hire a painter/decorator!!!! Bare in mind he has no fucking money so has decided I should just pay for one!

Oh but he said he’s done the pots. I went in kitchen to find that he’d put a few plates in the dishwasher, left pans all over the oven and hadn’t even turned the dishwasher on.

So I said not to worry, it’s fine. I’ll do it. He smiled and said “thank you, anything you don’t get done I’ll help you with at weekend”. So I said it would all be done by tomorrow as I’ll be doing it tonight. Won’t have time to go to the do though unfortunately! Well he’s gone off in a massive strop, saying I’m been ridiculous, he’s gone to drag the lawn mower out making a fuss and slamming stuff around saying I have to go as I promised. He’s now cutting the grass with a face like a slapped arse. I’m still not going.
AIBU? It’s very last minute but I’m livid.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 08/09/2021 17:23

Bin liners!

GrandmaSteglitszch · 08/09/2021 17:24

Keep raging and don't go to the do.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 08/09/2021 17:25

I get loads of shit done, including redecorating an entire three bedroom house on my own, clearing out the shit from the previous home, moving in here, and getting the house straight, despite being a single parent & working.

Christ, all this time I never realised it was down to me having eyebrows like Dennis Healey. Should we fundraise for the big non-doer to have a facial hair transplant?

Jemand · 08/09/2021 17:25

The chances that everyone at the work do is part of a couple are minuscule, so if he wants to go so much he can go on his own.

What is he adding to your life? If the reality is that he's just making more work and annoying you, there is no future in this and you should chuck him out.

BoredZelda · 08/09/2021 17:27

Some people are allergic to pollen, spores and mould after JULY!

Yep. September is a bitch of a month for hayfever for me.

That's highly unusual surely? I've never heard of anyone attending an official works do once they have left their employment. Once you're gone, you're gone and that's it.

My last company closed our office and made us all redundant. We had a works do a couple of months after. It was our leaving drinks, as we did whenever anyone left. It was actually nice to see everyone and find out how we were all settling in to our new jobs. It's not that unusual.

CorianderBee · 08/09/2021 17:27

You promised with conditions and he failed to meet those conditions.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 08/09/2021 17:27

Why the fuck is he still living with you? Change the locks while he's out tonight. noe tell us about the eyebrows

LittleOwl153 · 08/09/2021 17:31

I get it. He has no money.
OP YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE WORK DO SO YOU CAN PAY HIS WAY FOR HIM!!

Get Rid - Quickly.

SoundBar · 08/09/2021 17:40

I don't understand why you haven't kicked him out OP?

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 08/09/2021 17:40

Posting to read about his browless rage when he realises he really is going to have to go alone. Smile

AlvinSimonTheo · 08/09/2021 17:45

Eyebrowless is the worst insult I've ever heard 😂

RazorSharp · 08/09/2021 17:46

Tell him to not come back after the big work do!

TwinsandTrifle · 08/09/2021 17:47

Eyebrows are the windowframes to the soul.

Beware.

iwannascream · 08/09/2021 17:47

I'm guessing he needs you to go with him to pay for the drinks, unless the Company paid for everything before going bankrupt !!!

notanotherjacketpotato · 08/09/2021 17:49

Assume everyone is being made redundant and the party isn't being "put on by" anyone or official, but rather his (ex) colleagues are getting together and everyone's bringing their partners.

I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but I think you go or don't go, but don't think there should be conditions and the jobs you set were extremely time consuming! It sounds like you were setting him up to fail and he probably knew it!

The moving in phase of a relationship should be a lot more fun and joyful than this! Sounds more like a mother/son relationship where the son's returned from uni and isn't pulling his weight.

Get rid of him op. It shouldn't be this miserable for either of you

knittingaddict · 08/09/2021 17:49

There is no Big Works Do! There can't be under these circumstances.

Bananalanacake · 08/09/2021 17:49

I've read on here about men who move in and somehow lose their jobs not long after.

notanotherjacketpotato · 08/09/2021 17:50

Will someone link to "snapped and farted" please?? Intriguing

ILoveANameChange · 08/09/2021 17:54

Dump his lazy ass. You don't want someone so lazy like him. He'll never change.

lioncitygirl · 08/09/2021 17:54

Don’t go. He sounds fucking useless and lazy. Why are you with him and is he always like this?

DespairingHomeowner · 08/09/2021 17:58

He does sound v lazy... you are doing the right thing showing him you mean business. Also, if he is unemployed he really should be using the time productively to:
a) look for a job
b) help you in any way he can (as you are kindly keeping a roof over his head) - like DIY

You drawing the line might make him shape up, but if not I'd be suggesting he moves out too...

DressBitch · 08/09/2021 17:59

And we've still not established whether or not he is in fact eyebrowless.

Namechange1million · 08/09/2021 18:04

Oh god no op! I had an ex husband like this and he never changed. Never did anything in the house and put everything off until I did it. Forget the party... Kick him out! Regardless of job, do you really want to be with someone that will literally do nothing in the house ever?!

LaikO · 08/09/2021 18:05

I'm here for the eyebrows.

gingercat02 · 08/09/2021 18:22

This thread is hilarious simply because of the eyebrowless. I had to read the truly not funny OP twice just to make sure I hadn't gone mad!
Is the do free? If so go, eat, drink and throw his lazy arse out tomorrow