To refuse to go to his big do tonight?

[FrogDoYoda]

Fuming with eyebrowless DP. He moved in with me a few months back and lost his job (company went bankrupt) a few weeks later. He said he was actively looking for another job but whenever I come in from work he’s either browsing car forums or playing computer games. He does fuck all around the house.
Anyway he asked me if id go to this work do with him tonight, I initially declined as I won’t know anyone and I suffer with social anxiety, plus I’ll be tired from work. He begged, saying it was so important, he couldn’t possibly go alone as all couples will be there, made me feel really guilty so eventually I agreed but told him I wanted some things doing around the house while I’m at work.

1. Take some of his junk to the tip rather than leaving it piled up in the spare bedroom which I’m waiting to decorate
2. Cut the grass
3. Paint the white woodwork downstairs (doors and skirting boards!).

He agreed.
Monday I got home work work and he’d done fuck all. He said he couldn’t go to tip as he needed to sort the stuff out first. He couldn’t cut the grass as it was wet (it wouldn’t have been after lunch time) and he couldn’t paint the woodwork as it needed cleaning first. I was fuming. I had it out with him, he said he’d do it all on Tuesday.
Yesterday I got home from work and he’d done fuck all. He said he’d started sorting his junk out but needed some bin bags. It was too hot to cut the grass and he couldn’t paint as it was too hot in the house.

I told him if it wasn’t done today I wouldn’t be going tonight. He agreed.

I’ve just got home from work and he hasn’t been to tip but said he’d ordered bin bags off Amazon (we live 2 minutes away from asda). He couldn’t do the grass as his hayfever was playing up and he has decided there is too much white wood work so we should hire a painter/decorator!!!! Bare in mind he has no fucking money so has decided I should just pay for one!

Oh but he said he’s done the pots. I went in kitchen to find that he’d put a few plates in the dishwasher, left pans all over the oven and hadn’t even turned the dishwasher on.

So I said not to worry, it’s fine. I’ll do it. He smiled and said “thank you, anything you don’t get done I’ll help you with at weekend”. So I said it would all be done by tomorrow as I’ll be doing it tonight. Won’t have time to go to the do though unfortunately! Well he’s gone off in a massive strop, saying I’m been ridiculous, he’s gone to drag the lawn mower out making a fuss and slamming stuff around saying I have to go as I promised. He’s now cutting the grass with a face like a slapped arse. I’m still not going.
AIBU? It’s very last minute but I’m livid.

@knittingaddict

It’s a final do from the job he did have

That's highly unusual surely? I've never heard of anyone attending an official works do once they have left their employment. Once you're gone, you're gone and that's it.

I thought this was a bit suspect too.

To be honest I'd boot him out but that's me. Lazy and expecting you to keep him. No thanks.

@Aquamarine1029

Why haven't you sent him packing yet? Are your standards really this low? Get rid of the useless cocklodger.

I'm thinking the same!

Well he's started the cock-lodging right from the off.

(posted too soon)

That is exactly how I would have treated my children when they were 10 years old if they handn't done something I'd asked

Does he have any good points?

So he doeshave eyebrows?

So he has eyebrows? I've got to say I'm disappointed.

Apart from that, it sounds like he's got his feet firmly under the table and doesn't feel the need to get a job (or help out around the house) any time soon. Is he paying his way at all? or is he totally in cocklodger territory?

So I said not to worry, it’s fine. I’ll do it. He smiled and said “thank you, anything you don’t get done I’ll help you with at weekend”. So I said it would all be done by tomorrow as I’ll be doing it tonight. Won’t have time to go to the do though unfortunately! Well he’s gone off in a massive strop, saying I’m been ridiculous, he’s gone to drag the lawn mower out making a fuss and slamming stuff around saying I have to go as I promised.

YANBU.

Fucker doesn't work, plays on the computer all day, is living free at your expense in your home, & thinks he can get away by offering to "help you" with chores that you are only doing because he failed to complete them as promised?

Of course you're right to dump his event. He should be doing all the household stuff while you are working to put a roof over his head.
Does he genuinely not recognise his own hypocrisy here?
You have to go to his do because your 'promised?'
But he can ignore the chores he 'promised' to do?

I don't know where his eyebrows have gone, but when are you going to ask him to rejoin them, & get the fuck out of your house?

Definitely a (poor) attempt at another snapped and farted.

Don't waste any more of your life with this child. He'll never step up but always expect you to.

I'd sent him to his work do alone while you stay home and pack his things up for him. Text him when you're done and tell them his belongings are outside and he can collect them after his fucking party and take them to hotel/parents'/friends/ you don't care, he just has to go.

But you DIDN’T promise to go with him!
You promised to go with him IF he did certain things before tonight.
HE broke HIS promise so your promise isn’t even a thing.

And, if he still insists it is, why does he think you have to keep your word to him but he doesn’t have to keep his word to you?

@TwinsandTrifle

I don't always go on Mumsnet. But when I do, eyebrows.

None of this makes any sense.
Yy he should be doing stuff around the house.
But the 'do this list of chores and I'll come to an event with you' is a bloody odd dynamic to have in a relationship. It's very transactional and infantilising all at the same time.
I can't see any point in my life where I'd react well to my DP saying 'do this list of chores that I've made up for you and then I'll grace your company with my presence' . That's not how relationships work. Equally, I wouldn't be scrounging off a DP and not doing anything in the house.
It doesn't sound like this relationship is working for either of you. Call it quits. Blame the lack of eyebrows if you want.

Eyebrowless is an odd insult to come up with when in a rage.

Kick him TF out, find is eyebrows and kick them out too!

Let me guess, his eyebrows fucked off with his motivation, self respect and drive to be a fully functioning adult.

Call it quits. Blame the lack of eyebrows if you want.

I'm kind of just here for the eyebrow puns.
Sorry Op

Surely it depends on the basis upon which he moved in - is the intention it is now their house, does he have some beneficial interest in the property? Then it would make sense for him to do DIY and house maintenance as he's equally responsible for the property. If not and he's basically a glorified lodger albeit not currently paying anything then he can't be expected to do odd jobs - as a PP said he's not the OP's child (which is a dynamic where you can trade chores etc!).

As for a company having a do post bankruptcy, is the Official Receiver aware? All sounds highly suspicious. Or is this a JLB Survivors Group type do (Peep Show reference). Has he written a satirical sideswipe at the corporate culture?

Is this really the future you want for yourself??

Time to send the man child back to mummies.

Oh well done OP! X

Not making excuses for the lazy fecker but painting is quite a big job - lots of prep and waiting between coats etc, I hate it. He has lots of time though, eh?

Yet another waste of space. Does he do anything to contribute?

Other than presumably intact eyebrows, he has zero redeeming features. LTB

@DamnShesaSexyChick

Eyebrowless is an odd insult to come up with when in a rage.

I'm going to use it as an insult from now on, purely for the looks of confusion that will greet it