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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to go to his big do tonight?

210 replies

FrogDoYoda · 08/09/2021 15:25

Fuming with eyebrowless DP. He moved in with me a few months back and lost his job (company went bankrupt) a few weeks later. He said he was actively looking for another job but whenever I come in from work he’s either browsing car forums or playing computer games. He does fuck all around the house.
Anyway he asked me if id go to this work do with him tonight, I initially declined as I won’t know anyone and I suffer with social anxiety, plus I’ll be tired from work. He begged, saying it was so important, he couldn’t possibly go alone as all couples will be there, made me feel really guilty so eventually I agreed but told him I wanted some things doing around the house while I’m at work.

  1. Take some of his junk to the tip rather than leaving it piled up in the spare bedroom which I’m waiting to decorate
  2. Cut the grass
  3. Paint the white woodwork downstairs (doors and skirting boards!).

He agreed.
Monday I got home work work and he’d done fuck all. He said he couldn’t go to tip as he needed to sort the stuff out first. He couldn’t cut the grass as it was wet (it wouldn’t have been after lunch time) and he couldn’t paint the woodwork as it needed cleaning first. I was fuming. I had it out with him, he said he’d do it all on Tuesday.
Yesterday I got home from work and he’d done fuck all. He said he’d started sorting his junk out but needed some bin bags. It was too hot to cut the grass and he couldn’t paint as it was too hot in the house.

I told him if it wasn’t done today I wouldn’t be going tonight. He agreed.

I’ve just got home from work and he hasn’t been to tip but said he’d ordered bin bags off Amazon (we live 2 minutes away from asda). He couldn’t do the grass as his hayfever was playing up and he has decided there is too much white wood work so we should hire a painter/decorator!!!! Bare in mind he has no fucking money so has decided I should just pay for one!

Oh but he said he’s done the pots. I went in kitchen to find that he’d put a few plates in the dishwasher, left pans all over the oven and hadn’t even turned the dishwasher on.

So I said not to worry, it’s fine. I’ll do it. He smiled and said “thank you, anything you don’t get done I’ll help you with at weekend”. So I said it would all be done by tomorrow as I’ll be doing it tonight. Won’t have time to go to the do though unfortunately! Well he’s gone off in a massive strop, saying I’m been ridiculous, he’s gone to drag the lawn mower out making a fuss and slamming stuff around saying I have to go as I promised. He’s now cutting the grass with a face like a slapped arse. I’m still not going.
AIBU? It’s very last minute but I’m livid.

OP posts:
Eralos · 08/09/2021 17:00

Pack all his stuff up while he’s out today.

Bumpinthenight · 08/09/2021 17:01

@FangsForTheMemory

He's lying about the hayfever. The grass pollen season finishes at the end of JULY.
Please don't tell my DH that 🤣🤣
DynamoKev · 08/09/2021 17:01

I assume eybrowless is just another shit autocorrect. Auto correct is making posts fucking difficult to follow.

Jumpingintosummer · 08/09/2021 17:03

It’s clearly not working out so why keep going?

Georgewontsleepnow · 08/09/2021 17:03

You would be unread to go. Lazy dude needs to learn that actions (or lack of) have consequences. I get the impression your increasingly put off him- and I totally get why. Is he too late for a warming shot that the relationship and house share will be over unless he changes?

Notaroadrunner · 08/09/2021 17:04

He only moved in a few months ago - move him out asap.

Georgewontsleepnow · 08/09/2021 17:04

*unreasonable

LBirch02 · 08/09/2021 17:04

Not RTFT but echo what a poster up thread said and draw his eyebrows on with a Sharpie. That comment genuinely made me lol!!

AudTheDeepMinded · 08/09/2021 17:06

Do not have children with this man, the burden of being the motivator/nagger/household manager is a zillion times worse when there are little ones to consider. I think this is one to chuck back personally.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 08/09/2021 17:06

You are all being unreasonable for slagging off a man with a lazy eye(brow) !!
Eyebrows aside

.
The entire man is lazy. Ltbb.
-leave the browless bastard.

Ourlady · 08/09/2021 17:08

I think you are being unreasonable for putting up with that lazy arsed cocklodger for so long.
I would be telling him to find someone else to fund his life doing fuck all and playing games.

ShuddaBeenMe · 08/09/2021 17:08

I'm going to start using that as an insult.

You eyebrowless fucker

BritishSummertime · 08/09/2021 17:09

@myotherusernameistaken

Eyebrowless?

Zomg.

What is it with everyone today?

I know! I feel old Grin
Outfoxedbyrabbits · 08/09/2021 17:09

I told him if it wasn’t done today I wouldn’t be going tonight. He agreed.

Of course you're not being unreasonable to go. He's being unreasonable to disingenuously suggest that you should go "because you promised" - you in fact promised that you wouldn't go if he didn't do those things, and he hasn't done them so...

He clearly has no respect for you, as this incident shows on top of his general behaviour. Let this be the final straw and get rid of him. Minimum if you're at work all day and he's not he should be keeping on top of general cleaning, tidying, shopping, cooking etc, which he could easily do while leaving several hours a day for job hunting. No time for video games though, unfortunately.

LBirch02 · 08/09/2021 17:10

Some of these comments are giving me a much needed laugh

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 08/09/2021 17:10

*to NOT go, obviously

MiddleParking · 08/09/2021 17:11

Is your boyfriend David Brent?

Nomorepies · 08/09/2021 17:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Newgirls · 08/09/2021 17:16

There is hay fever at the moment after the dry weather. And I wouldn’t want to paint when it’s boiling.

But yes he’s very lazy not job hunting - loads of temp jobs around at the moment while he searches for his perfect job

Redwinestillfine · 08/09/2021 17:16

Use this as a platform for the 'pull your weight or rent your own place' conversation. He'll know you're serious and if he still does sweet fa then it's his own fault.

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/09/2021 17:17

What's the eyebrow nonsense, and why would a company who'd gone bankrupt have a big party for former workers months later?
What a jolly world you inhabit, op. I'm so glad I'm not in it.

pinkyredrose · 08/09/2021 17:18

Send him out to find some eyebrows. Lock the door with his stuff outside. He can find a new place to live by brow-nosing his old workmates tonight.

butterpuffed · 08/09/2021 17:19

You're keeping very quiet about why you called him eyebrowless. Have you blow torched them ?

Aposterhasnoname · 08/09/2021 17:21

@FrogDoYoda

I was angry when I posted and have just got in from work, the eyebrows thing was just an insult thrown out in rage.
Ok, Now I’m even more intrigued. Eyebrowless is an insult? How, why?
Disfordarkchocolate · 08/09/2021 17:23

He needs to use those binders to pack his clothes. He's not bringing much to the relationship is he?

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