To refuse to go to his big do tonight?

[FrogDoYoda]

Fuming with eyebrowless DP. He moved in with me a few months back and lost his job (company went bankrupt) a few weeks later. He said he was actively looking for another job but whenever I come in from work he’s either browsing car forums or playing computer games. He does fuck all around the house.
Anyway he asked me if id go to this work do with him tonight, I initially declined as I won’t know anyone and I suffer with social anxiety, plus I’ll be tired from work. He begged, saying it was so important, he couldn’t possibly go alone as all couples will be there, made me feel really guilty so eventually I agreed but told him I wanted some things doing around the house while I’m at work.

1. Take some of his junk to the tip rather than leaving it piled up in the spare bedroom which I’m waiting to decorate
2. Cut the grass
3. Paint the white woodwork downstairs (doors and skirting boards!).

He agreed.
Monday I got home work work and he’d done fuck all. He said he couldn’t go to tip as he needed to sort the stuff out first. He couldn’t cut the grass as it was wet (it wouldn’t have been after lunch time) and he couldn’t paint the woodwork as it needed cleaning first. I was fuming. I had it out with him, he said he’d do it all on Tuesday.
Yesterday I got home from work and he’d done fuck all. He said he’d started sorting his junk out but needed some bin bags. It was too hot to cut the grass and he couldn’t paint as it was too hot in the house.

I told him if it wasn’t done today I wouldn’t be going tonight. He agreed.

I’ve just got home from work and he hasn’t been to tip but said he’d ordered bin bags off Amazon (we live 2 minutes away from asda). He couldn’t do the grass as his hayfever was playing up and he has decided there is too much white wood work so we should hire a painter/decorator!!!! Bare in mind he has no fucking money so has decided I should just pay for one!

Oh but he said he’s done the pots. I went in kitchen to find that he’d put a few plates in the dishwasher, left pans all over the oven and hadn’t even turned the dishwasher on.

So I said not to worry, it’s fine. I’ll do it. He smiled and said “thank you, anything you don’t get done I’ll help you with at weekend”. So I said it would all be done by tomorrow as I’ll be doing it tonight. Won’t have time to go to the do though unfortunately! Well he’s gone off in a massive strop, saying I’m been ridiculous, he’s gone to drag the lawn mower out making a fuss and slamming stuff around saying I have to go as I promised. He’s now cutting the grass with a face like a slapped arse. I’m still not going.
AIBU? It’s very last minute but I’m livid.

If you've only lived together a few months, it's your house and he's not contributing, why haven't you kicked him out?

I don't always go on Mumsnet. But when I do, eyebrows.

He's not your partner, he's just some dickhead that you've been hoodwinked into letting live in your house.

Show him the door, he won't get any better.

Haven't rtft - has anyone suggested that he is either a - depressed, or b - on the spectrum yet?

WHY DOESN'T HE HAVE EYEBROWS??????? Also he is a knob

Why does the works do matter? Dump him! Let him take his eyebrows else where!

Why is it "so important" for him to go to a do at a company that has gone bankrupt ? Maybe it didn't go bankrupt, and he just got the sack and then told you a story to cover the truth ??

I think you knew that he wouldn't manage all that. 'Sort the junk' - overwhelming and most people have junk because they're not good at identifying what is junk and isn't junk, or what to do with it. 'Paint all the woodwork' - to do that properly takes time and a degree of skill. Mow the lawn I'll give you.

You'd have been better to just say no, which is what you were saying when you attached such ridiculous conditions to your attendance in the first place.

@ShrikeAttack

He's not your partner, he's just some dickhead that you've been hoodwinked into letting live in your house.

Show him the door, he won't get any better.

Absolutely this!

It’s a final do from the job he did have

That's highly unusual surely? I've never heard of anyone attending an official works do once they have left their employment. Once you're gone, you're gone and that's it.

Thoroughly dissatisfied to learn that there is no eyebrow catastrophe. The lazy good for nothing bastard deserves to have the misfortune of said eyebrows coming into contact with hair remover cream in his sleep.

The ordering of bin bags from Amazon would be the final nail in the coffin for me here ... he was biding time fobbing you off instead of organising his shit.

I'm not sure I could live with such a lazy person! He would give me the rage!

@FangsForTheMemory

He's lying about the hayfever. The grass pollen season finishes at the end of JULY.

Some people are allergic to pollen, spores and mould after JULY!

@Lougle what else has he got to do?! He did none of it and just threw out a litany of crap excuses

No, YANBU!!
It would be a cold, snowy day in Hell before I agreed to go to the work do! I wouldn't be forking out for his freeloading arse to go either. I'd be packing all those bin bags myself, with his stuff. He is literally throwing red flags at you and you're collecting them neatly. One red flag is enough. You don't need enough to decorate a carnival. Fire him and his scarlet bunting right out of the door. You're being given the biggest eye opener ever into long term life with him. Be grateful and don't keep this leech around any more.

@ShippingNews

Why is it "so important" for him to go to a do at a company that has gone bankrupt ? Maybe it didn't go bankrupt, and he just got the sack and then told you a story to cover the truth ??

That makes no sense either. Why would he want to go to a work's do for a company that sacked and why would the company want him?

He is probably only needing you to go so you can buy his drinks

He's a lazy cocklodger - get some self esteem and lose him.

the lack of eyebrows is concerning...

to me it's a weird relationship where you tell him to do xyz, and if not, you won't support him

very mother-son like (in a weird mother-son relationship)

Jesus Christ, just sack him off OP, he's a waste of fucking space.

So.you meant to say eyebrows what's up with them

Did he know he was going to lose his job before he moved in with you? I suspect he did.

Like a PP said, he's desperate for you to go so that you buy the drinks.

That

@Lougle

I think you knew that he wouldn't manage all that. 'Sort the junk' - overwhelming and most people have junk because they're not good at identifying what is junk and isn't junk, or what to do with it. 'Paint all the woodwork' - to do that properly takes time and a degree of skill. Mow the lawn I'll give you.

You'd have been better to just say no, which is what you were saying when you attached such ridiculous conditions to your attendance in the first place.

Bollocks. Everyone needs a clear out every so often. If it needs to be done you just do it. It’s the dp’s own junk that he threw into the spare room when he moved in with the op. I think it says a lot about him that he didn’t sort through and chuck out any of his crap before he moved in. Plus he’s had weeks off work to paint. My youngest started school full time last week and I had another week off before I had to be in work. In 3 days I’d painted 3 entire bedrooms, each requiring 3 coats of paint which I applied with a paint brush because my rollers shite. Why on earth can’t he paint a few doors and a bannister? 🙄

Move him the fuck out of your house!

I'm also a bit lost about why he's even going.

If you don't work for a company anymore, why are you even going to the works do. Which then makes even less sense as the company is bankrupt and presumably no more??

Whatever this night out is, it's certainly not your partner's "big do" it's nothing to do with him whatsoever, but he's (out of kindness probably) on the invite list.

This all sounds a bit fishy OP.