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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just worked out that when I'm 70 my DD will only be 29

462 replies

SuperbLyrebird · 08/09/2021 11:42

I've never done the maths before but I was reading a thread on the Elderly Parent board the other day (heaven knows why as I've never had elderly parents!) and it got me thinking and I felt sad.

How do others who had their kids in there 40s feel?

And to add the disclaimer: I know I will be fortunate to reach that age as neither of my parents did.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperbLyrebird · 08/09/2021 11:43

their 40s
God for an edit button!

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 08/09/2021 11:44

I had elderly parents..they had me at 40....and I had mine at around that age. I don't think about it tbh.

echt · 08/09/2021 11:45

Same ages here, though for me it will be in three years' time.

I feel fine.

ManifestDestinee · 08/09/2021 11:47

Well I never had to sit down and work out that 70 minus 41 is 29.....you just know how old you will be when your child or children are X age.

TeenMinusTests · 08/09/2021 11:47

70 isn't an issue, most 70yos are pretty fit, independent, and active.
By the time you are 80 she will be 39 and hopefully well settled.

Cupoftea53 · 08/09/2021 11:49

I think that is pretty normal these days. Loads of the mums at our primary school having their 50th birthdays!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/09/2021 11:50

Child of older parents and extremely bitter about it - best not to ask :)

Comedycook · 08/09/2021 11:50

70 isn't especially old anymore. And 29 isn't that young either. She will be living a pretty independent live I'm sure.

Fastforwardtospring · 08/09/2021 11:52

I get you, I feel sad too, my youngest will be 29 too, but having lost my mum tragically when she was 52, the age I hope to be doesn’t really come into it, anything can happen to anyone at anytime. I try and keep myself fit and healthy and hope I’m going to get there!

MrsRobbieHart · 08/09/2021 11:52

What is your concern OP?

MattyGroves · 08/09/2021 11:53

It makes me a bit sad that, if my children have children of their own, I will likely be well into my 70s. My maternal grandparents were in their 50s when I was born and I guess I always imagined something similar. We wanted children earlier but had fertility problems.

LBirch02 · 08/09/2021 11:54

I don’t think 41 as a childbearing age is particularly elderly - having known a few people childbearing at 50 - just my opinion ..

Fairyliz · 08/09/2021 11:55

I feel sorry that I might not be able to do any childminding as I’m getting very creaky now in my 60’s.
I would love to be a grandma now and I am very jealous of my friends who are grandparents.
Obviously I have never ever mentioned this to my two DD’s.

OatcakeCravings · 08/09/2021 11:56

My parents had me young, my Mum died of cancer in her 50’s so I don’t think it’s something that’s worth giving much headspace to, anything can happen to any one of us. If you are worried about your DD having to provide care for you then think about how you would mitigate that now, save for at home care, a cleaner etc.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/09/2021 11:57

My DM had her heart attack and stroke in her 50s, when I was 22.

Honestly, I think it was partly why I had my children at 25/26.

She 66 now, my dad is 72, both need taking to regular doctors appointments etc. My brother lives with them, partly because of this.

However I don't think this is normal. Our generation is healthier and 'younger' at each age.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 08/09/2021 11:57

My dads in his 80s and I'm 40, same will be true for my kids. He's pretty fit, very sharp, I saw a lot of both my parents throughout my childhood as they were teachers, and because they are retired, I see a lot of them through my adult years too!

They are wonderful grandparents. The key I think is to keep moving, they have more energy then me!

Champersandchocolate · 08/09/2021 11:57

@SuperbLyrebird My partner is about to become a dad to our baby and he is 47, I'm only 28 and I do worry as his parents died in their 50s - although he is keeping himself healthy and fit. On the flip side - he said he is a better age now than what he was with his other two (he had in his 30s) as he's settled, semi retired, doesn't feel like he should be doing anything else.

In these situations I think we just have to enjoy the now! Sorry I don't completely relate to your post xx

Lockdownbear · 08/09/2021 11:57

I guess it just another reason for me to get fit and make sure I'm still around for my kids.

Xdecd · 08/09/2021 11:59

I was born when my parents were 40ish. They are now in their 80s. They were in great health in their 70s! It was pretty unusual to become parents at that age when I was born, and I only know one other person my age with parents as old as they are. It'll be much more common for your daughter's generation.

The downsides for me have been:
The big one for me is that I'm an older parent too (late 30s when I had mine) and I'm really sad my parents won't really have much time with their grandchildren. I'll be lucky if they live to see them through to high school never mind adulthood. They're too elderly to babysit etc.
And
I'm juggling the needs of elderly parents with having very young children myself. It's just impossible for me to provide the level of care and support to them that I'd like because my kids still need me 100%..

But it's tough when your parents become elderly whatever age you are, and I know I'm lucky to still have two living parents, some friends lost much younger parents before me.

SirChenjins · 08/09/2021 11:59

70 is nothing if you’re fit and healthy - the 70 year olds I know are leading active, interesting lives. You can be in your fifties and be unfit or unhealthy or ill - it’s just a number.

I’m 52 and definitely not ready to be a granny any time soon - I want to finish f/t working and enjoy some independent years with DH before I’m called on to look after grandchildren.

Auroreforet · 08/09/2021 12:00

My adult dd is getting a mortgage, I'll almost certainly be dead before she's finished paying it off!Shock

MindyStClaire · 08/09/2021 12:00

PIL had DH at 40, we're now late 30s and they're very fit and healthy late 70s. Not an issue. Of course they may need support soon enough but that's fine, it would happen at some stage anyway. It was actually my side we hit that with first - my parents are 10 years younger but my dad died from cancer earlier this year. No guarantees in life Smile

LBirch02 · 08/09/2021 12:01

Most people in 70s are in good health especially early 70s

5128gap · 08/09/2021 12:04

It won't feel odd when you get there, it will be the norm, as so many people are having children later. Over the last decades there has been a general push back of age. I'm 52 but I and my friends are more like our own mothers were at 30, with today's 70 year olds like the 50 year olds from previous generations. Who knows what 70 will look by then?

AliasGrape · 08/09/2021 12:05

I’m an ‘elderly’ parent and I had elderly parents (adoptive kind of, my birth parents died and I was brought up by family members I consider to be my parents).

My mum was 40 when I was born and I was 40 when dd was born. At 70 my mum was still very youthful, fun and amazing to be around, we had a great relationship and far closer than many of my friends have with their younger mums. Sadly she died at 72 from a short illness. The thought of dd loosing me when she’s relatively young really upsets me, however I bloody well intend to make it to a ripe old age and if I don’t well I don’t - my birth parents were younger and they died so it’s not like that’s any guarantee. I’m really going to focus on staying healthy, active and engaged in life but that’s all I can do. Well that and lots of work on building resilience for DD, encouraging strong bonds with other family members and cousins etc, and friendships as she gets older - so she has a support network always.

DH’s parents are in their early 70s, they’re fit and healthy and active and (after a shaky start I have to admit) are building a really lovely relationship with DD. They’re a bit older minded and set in their ways than my mum was but they’re still engaged parents to DH and grandparents to DD.