Page 19 | I've just worked out that when I'm 70 my DD will only be 29

SuperbLyrebird · 2021-09-08T10:42:32+00:00

I've never done the maths before but I was reading a thread on the Elderly Parent board the other day (heaven knows why as I've never ^had^ elderly parents!) and it got me thinking and I felt sad. How do others who had their kids in there 40s feel? And to add the disclaimer: I know I will be fortunate to reach that age as neither of my parents did.

Realyorkshiretea · 11/09/2021 19:33

@Darbs76

My brother announced his 2nd wife is pregnant and he will be 48 when baby is born. He has 2 younger children in their mid 20’s. Rather than him than me but I’m looking forward to having a baby around again as mine are in their teens and 20’s now.

I know a couple having their first baby, she is 46 and he is 51. Not sure if it was a natural conception (not my business), but i do wonder how the child will feel when they’re 18 with parents pushing 70, especially as they’re unlikely to have siblings (they’d been trying for a few years). Don’t get me wrong they are lovely people and will be committed parents, and the child will want for nothing, but there is that worry.

ManifestDestinee · 11/09/2021 19:36

but i do wonder how the child will feel when they’re 18 with parents pushing 70, especially as they’re unlikely to have siblings (they’d been trying for a few years). Don’t get me wrong they are lovely people and will be committed parents, and the child will want for nothing, but there is that worry

I imagine they will think existence is better than non-existence.

Realyorkshiretea · 11/09/2021 19:41

@ManifestDestinee

but i do wonder how the child will feel when they’re 18 with parents pushing 70, especially as they’re unlikely to have siblings (they’d been trying for a few years). Don’t get me wrong they are lovely people and will be committed parents, and the child will want for nothing, but there is that worry

I imagine they will think existence is better than non-existence.

Of course but you could say that about children born into truly awful circumstances as well. We are discussing things in an abstract manner.

ManifestDestinee · 11/09/2021 19:55

Wondering how they will feel is not a hypothetical. I answered how they are likely to feel...you don't get to choose how old your parents are when you are born. They'll feel happy if they have good parents.

Realyorkshiretea · 11/09/2021 20:05

@ManifestDestinee

Wondering how they will feel is not a hypothetical. I answered how they are likely to feel...you don't get to choose how old your parents are when you are born. They'll feel happy if they have good parents.

It is because it hasn’t happened yet. So I can’t say for sure, and neither can you. Although you seem certain already…

Wishihadanalgorithm · 11/09/2021 20:27

My mum had me at 44 and I was totally not expected or planned. She died of cancer at 56 when I was 12. My dad wasn’t a great parent but that’s what I was left with.

I never wanted children and fell pregnant at 40 by accident.

I wish my mum had had me at 40 or even 38 and I wish I had had DD when I was younger so I could have happily given her a sibling. I really couldn’t have another child as I was so worried about DD being healthy due to the risk of deformities etc rising as the mother ages.

I am permanently haunted by the thought I will die and leave DD without a mother when she is young. I know this is my own experience coming back and making me worried.

I hope she can get to 30 and be settled, healthy and with her own partner and good friends then it will be OK for me to die. God what awful and morbid thoughts I am having but tbh, I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently so it’s good to write it down.

LuckyAmy1986 · 11/09/2021 20:34

@Wishihadanalgorithm I’m sorry my mum died when I was young too and I feel the same as you, being so worried about history repeating itself. Horrible feeling.

Comedycook · 11/09/2021 20:36

@Wishihadanalgorithm

My mum had me at 44 and I was totally not expected or planned. She died of cancer at 56 when I was 12. My dad wasn’t a great parent but that’s what I was left with.

I never wanted children and fell pregnant at 40 by accident.

I wish my mum had had me at 40 or even 38 and I wish I had had DD when I was younger so I could have happily given her a sibling. I really couldn’t have another child as I was so worried about DD being healthy due to the risk of deformities etc rising as the mother ages.

I am permanently haunted by the thought I will die and leave DD without a mother when she is young. I know this is my own experience coming back and making me worried.

I hope she can get to 30 and be settled, healthy and with her own partner and good friends then it will be OK for me to die. God what awful and morbid thoughts I am having but tbh, I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently so it’s good to write it down.

My mum had me in her twenties and also died when I was 12. I understand...My biggest fear is dying and leaving my dc

Cameleongirl · 11/09/2021 22:21

@Wishihadanalgorithm. I also understand what you’re saying. 💐 I was very nervous when I turned 41, the age that my Mum’s chronic health condition reared its ugly head (she’d had excellent health until then). I kept wondering whether the sane would happen to me-luckily I’m nearly 47 now and fine. I don’t have health anxiety, but I have considered how it would impact the children if I got ill.

Cameleongirl · 11/09/2021 22:21

*same

Original poster

SuperbLyrebird · 12/09/2021 12:06

We have this need to try and control our destinies and that of our children

... if I have them in my 20s
... if I eat well
... if I go to the gym
... if I don't stand on any cracks in the pavement ... I should be able to dance at their retirement party.

We should just embrace the chaos of the universe... what will be will be.

OP posts:

TurnTowardsTheSun · 12/09/2021 23:20

[quote Champersandchocolate]@SuperbLyrebird My partner is about to become a dad to our baby and he is 47, I'm only 28 and I do worry as his parents died in their 50s - although he is keeping himself healthy and fit. On the flip side - he said he is a better age now than what he was with his other two (he had in his 30s) as he's settled, semi retired, doesn't feel like he should be doing anything else.

In these situations I think we just have to enjoy the now! Sorry I don't completely relate to your post xx[/quote]
Lol. You will in time.