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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of mens road rage and men being unable to contain their anger

162 replies

Poetrypatty · 08/09/2021 09:22

A man was tailgating me and gesticulating this morning because he wanted to force me to overtake a child who was cycling - on a busy road with bollards where there wasn't room. I'm so sick of men not being able to manage their anger, and thinking they are entitled to be so aggressive and rude.

OP posts:
Dozer · 08/09/2021 09:23

They are well able to ‘manage their anger’: they choose to behave like that. Awful.

MoreAloneTime · 08/09/2021 09:25

If you were a man I bet he'd have managed to control himself

Poetrypatty · 08/09/2021 09:27

If you were a man I bet he'd have managed to control himself

Exactly this. They know that there is nothing stopping them behaving like that towards women, and probably do it regularly.

OP posts:
Ifkip · 08/09/2021 09:33

@morealonetime exactly this. So many times I think that if I was a 6ft 2 man they would not act like they do. Most recently I bumped into man as we both came around the corner, and we both got a fright. He started shouting and yelling at me aggressively. No way would he have done that if I was another man. It makes me so mad thinking about it Angry.

YouMeandtheSpew · 08/09/2021 09:35

If you were a man I bet he'd have managed to control himself

Without a doubt. Men seem to have much less trouble controlling their anger around other men.

And I also suspect he’d have been more respectful had an adult man been on the bike.

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 09:36

I don't think it's just men. My language is dreadful when I'm driving. And I might gesticulate a bit too. Women and men in flat caps! Grr.

AtlasPine · 08/09/2021 09:37

I was on a train yesterday in London and a guy sat by me and started yelling at a woman on the phone. He was so nasty to her - she sounded like an ex). She stayed calm but he ended up yelling something like don’t forget I can get to you through your mum, I know where she is. It was chilling.

Clocktopus · 08/09/2021 09:40

Not all men, before any clever fucker jumps in with it, but almost always men.

The other day I came off a slip road which ends in a junction, I was turning right and there was a build up of traffic in the left hand lane so not only could I not cross the left lane I also couldn't see what was oncoming in the right lane. Man behind me starts creeping forwards until he's right up the arse of the car and then toots his horn. I ignore him. A gap appears in the left lane but because that gap in behind a bus I still can't see what is oncoming in the right lane (the right lane has a steady stream of vehicles). Man toots again. Bus moves away, I can see the incoming traffic now and there's a lot of it so I need to wait for it to pass. Man behind starts tooting repeatedly. Gap appears, I make my right hand turn. Man follows me, very close behind my bumper, tooting again. I'm doing the speed limit (NSL) so no way am I speeding up for this fucker. We're on a country lane by now, winding, the speed limit here is 50 so I've dropped to that. Man overtakes me and while alongside shouts through the open window that I'm a fucking cunt holding him up, then he pulls in front, suddenly brakes so I have to stop before zooming off and away. No way would he have done that to a man.

It's not just driving either. Walking through the shopping centre (during the work day so relatively quiet) with youngest DD and she tripped over. While I'm helping her up and dusting her off, a man comes striding up and instead of going around on either side (which there was plenty of room to do as it was a really wide walkway and we were in the centre of it) he tells us to "move, will you!?" before stomping off muttering about people getting in his way.

SprayedWithDettol · 08/09/2021 09:44

If you can afford it, get front and rear cameras for your car.

I have them, and whilst I won’t change my behaviour and driving, to placate arseholes, I know that if they deliberately drive dangerously and cause an accident, I will have evidence.

TheFeistyFeminist · 08/09/2021 09:45

When a similarly arrogant sod cut me up and I used my car horn, he stopped, blocking the road, got out and started shouting at me to open my window. No way! I got out my mobile phone, pressed 9, showed him. He continued, pressed 9 again. More shouting, one more 9. I hovered over the Call button, and he practically ran away, back to his car, and drove off.

TooMuchPaper · 08/09/2021 09:45

The 2 worst road rage incidents I have witnessed have been women.
And dd was given the 2 fingers yesterday by a woman who cut her off at a roundabout.

santaslittlehohoho · 08/09/2021 09:45

Oh my gosh yes!! I had a man on a moped get right up behind me this morning, unhappy with me - right up by my boot to the point I could see him shouting at me in my rear view mirror, he then passed me on the inside then pulled in front of me and drove slowly doing the "wanker" hand gesture! Blush thing is, I was doing 30 in a 30 and had no intent of speeding, indicated to go round a parked bus and didn't pull out on him (I was already in the road when he joined) so I can't imagine what I did to deserve such aggression!

BringBackThinEyebrows · 08/09/2021 10:08

I second using front and rear dashcams if that's an option. It doesn't prevent tailgating or road rage but it means you have video evidence if required.

Just read the statistic, "tailgating is a factor in one in eight casualties on the Highways England network". It's so dangerous and happens all the time.

Poetrypatty · 08/09/2021 10:08

So many awful experiences on here. It makes me angry, why should we have to put up with this. The man this morning was right up behind me, a few inches from my car. Quite shocking those who have had men actually stop and get out, it's scary.
And the train man AtlasPine how shocking that he can be so entitled and act like that in public.
I hadn't thought about getting a camera. If this man had hit me it definitely would have been his fault -there was zero stopping distance.

And I also suspect he’d have been more respectful had an adult man been on the bike.

Yes! he obviously didn't give a toss about the child cycling, just so long as he could get along the road a bit quicker Hmm

OP posts:
Islamorada · 08/09/2021 10:14

I do not drive anymore. London is a road rage nightmare and there are many driving illegally without driving license.

MonkeyGoneToHeaven · 08/09/2021 10:15

I had this exact conversation with DH last night - he said he's noticed much worse, aggressive driving recently too. He's a large man in an SUV and they do it to him as well. We both agreed that for some reason middle-aged men in those mirrored wraparound sunglasses are the worst.

idontlikealdi · 08/09/2021 10:15

It's not just men. Driving where I live is appalling, I'm sure there are many driving without licenses due to test delays because of bloody covid.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 08/09/2021 10:16

Driving with my son, about 4 yrs old?? Turning right on a junction. Turn is on a hill - traffic coming from the left is coming over a hill and down. Wait for road clear in both sides before turning. White van man comes speeding up over the hill approx 50mph on a 30 mph road. I would never have known he was going to come speeding up behind me. This was at night so it was getting dark. Arsehole driver banged on horn and then put his full beam on. I couldn’t see a fucking thing. Luckily I was very familiar with the road and knew roughly the layout. Had to slow right down while arsehole continued to follow along right up my bumper with full beam on. I’m so lucky we weren’t killed.

Grenlei · 08/09/2021 10:17

@TooMuchPaper

The 2 worst road rage incidents I have witnessed have been women. And dd was given the 2 fingers yesterday by a woman who cut her off at a roundabout.
Agree - also women have been responsible for a lot of the near misses I have had - failing to give way to the right at a roundabout, pulling out from a parked position right in front of me, or changing lanes into my path. Completely oblivious to the presence of any other car and when you beep them they look utterly clueless.

Any aggression I have seen from men while driving is equally directed at other men; I've been in the car with my DP more than once where he's been cut up by someone who has then slammed brakes on in front of him, trying to cause a collision etc and then given a torrent of abuse.

We both have dashcams.

Guacamole001 · 08/09/2021 10:17

Yes I have heard as many as 40 per cent of cars lack insurance/mot.

pangolina · 08/09/2021 10:18

I couple of weeks ago I was driving down the road and a man was approaching from the other direction. I pulled in to let him pass, and on his way past he gave me the finger!?! I genuinely cannot fathom what he thinks I did wrong in that scenario.

Rollercoaster1920 · 08/09/2021 10:19

Men get road rage too. And it is more likely to get physical than a man and a woman.

I'd love it to stop.

CaptSkippy · 08/09/2021 10:20

@Dozer

They are well able to ‘manage their anger’: they choose to behave like that. Awful.
This so much! These assholes know what they are doing, but think they have a right to act like that.
ChorltonWheelie · 08/09/2021 10:20

You must live in a very different place to me, around here its the women on the school run who are the most aggressive drivers that I've ever seen. Huge sense of entitlement to go with the huge 4x4s that they inevitably drive. Even worse if its an Audi to go with it

EvilPea · 08/09/2021 10:22

My worst I’ve had was the man who did an emergency stop on the m25 in front of me.

We came off the same junction 30 odd miles later on a different motorway. Like a twat (not to be recommended, but I was so angry he endangered my kids) I got out and banged on his window, he shit himself and kept it wound up.

DHs quote “why do they never do it when I’m in the car”