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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of mens road rage and men being unable to contain their anger

162 replies

Poetrypatty · 08/09/2021 09:22

A man was tailgating me and gesticulating this morning because he wanted to force me to overtake a child who was cycling - on a busy road with bollards where there wasn't room. I'm so sick of men not being able to manage their anger, and thinking they are entitled to be so aggressive and rude.

OP posts:
lljkk · 08/09/2021 11:37

Imagine IF MNers found a load of blokes on a blokey website saying the types of sweeping generalisation unpleasant things about women that MNers enthusiastically say about men...

About emotional self-regulation, I was thinking maybe men tend to lose it with anger while (MNers perfect example) women lose it with anxiety. Except the angry women & anxious men, coz you know, people are actually individuals.

Keke94LND · 08/09/2021 11:40

@lljkk

Imagine IF MNers found a load of blokes on a blokey website saying the types of sweeping generalisation unpleasant things about women that MNers enthusiastically say about men...

About emotional self-regulation, I was thinking maybe men tend to lose it with anger while (MNers perfect example) women lose it with anxiety. Except the angry women & anxious men, coz you know, people are actually individuals.

I mean... those websites exist and men say sexist things all the time lol. There is an implied 'some' in most sentences though, everyone knows it is not all men. Also btw, things aren't always the same if you reverse the gender, race etc etc, because of what has happened in history, sexism doesn't affect men in the same way as it does women for example
TalbotAMan · 08/09/2021 11:41

YABU because, while it's clearly unacceptable behaviour, in my experience women are just as bad as men.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/09/2021 11:46

Your personal experience, @TalbotAMan, does not tally with the facts.

Deadringer · 08/09/2021 11:46

For a lot of men, unless you are servicing one of their needs, women are just a fucking nuisance.

TheSockMonster · 08/09/2021 11:48

About emotional self-regulation, I was thinking maybe men tend to lose it with anger while (MNers perfect example) women lose it with anxiety.

There’s a school of thought that says anger and anxiety are both just manifestations of fear. One turned outwards (anger) and one turned inwards (anxiety). Whether the turning inwards is a social thing - eg girls socialised not to show anger - or has a biological basis like testosterone or lack there of, I don’t know.

GivenUpEntirely · 08/09/2021 11:48

As a driver I refuse to overtake cyclists unless I have clear space to enter the opposite lane at least partially...my rule of thumb when driving is that everyone is an idiot with the potential to do something unexpected in front of my car. So cyclists get wide berth not just because legally they should, but also because I don't trust them not to wobble in front of me or into me with zero notice - especially if they're children!

The amount of grief I get from mostly men because I dare to treat cyclists with caution when driving and I stick with the signposted speed limits is ridiculous. I don't engage with any of it, I just keep driving safely and my dash cams records any dangerous driving or threatening behaviour from the other driver. When I think it's warranted I do report them to the police. South Wales Police have operation SNAP specifically for this purpose.

The older I get the more stubborn I get so these silly aggressive men are just strengthening my resolve to drive immaculately according to the Highway Code if only to make them angry and stressed. They can pay the price for their ego with increased BP and ulcers.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/09/2021 11:49

I hate being in the car with my H as it’s like a running road rage commentary . I don’t drive so it’s easy for me to feel as I do but I must admit I often just stare out the window and ignore it . My ex H was very calm so it came as quite a shock to me how wound up some people get and my H didn’t drive for our first 15 years together so it wasn’t something I would have known

5zeds · 08/09/2021 11:50

This is just taking the responsibility away from dickheads and onto you, nice sentiment but doesn't work in reality. If someone threatens me, and I walk away, am I wrong to feel upset by that? Is it me making myself upset, or is it the person who threatened me making me upset? no it’s not “taking the responsibility onto you”Confused. It’s harder to drive when it raining hard or in a blizzard. No same person gets upset because the blizzard could have blown a different way or might be the result of an angry spirit. You just get on with driving in the conditions presented. Give no fucks as to the other drivers mood or intent or sex. Watch his car and the road.

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 11:55

@Deadringer

For a lot of men, unless you are servicing one of their needs, women are just a fucking nuisance.
🙄
Keke94LND · 08/09/2021 12:06

@5zeds

This is just taking the responsibility away from dickheads and onto you, nice sentiment but doesn't work in reality. If someone threatens me, and I walk away, am I wrong to feel upset by that? Is it me making myself upset, or is it the person who threatened me making me upset? no it’s not “taking the responsibility onto you”Confused. It’s harder to drive when it raining hard or in a blizzard. No same person gets upset because the blizzard could have blown a different way or might be the result of an angry spirit. You just get on with driving in the conditions presented. Give no fucks as to the other drivers mood or intent or sex. Watch his car and the road.
Because human beings are the same as the weather lol if it was extremely windy and something blew and smacked me in the face, I probably would react different to if my boyfriend came and smacked me round the face, yes
Original poster
Poetrypatty · 08/09/2021 12:08

DratThatCat It's awful that you should be subjected to that at work Sad

Needless to say NAMALT, but the point is I think men's road rage is too readily accepted. Those who say women are just as bad, I wonder do they feel as intimidated by women doing it though. I've never been tailgated by a woman.

Very interesting to hear that Wales are trying to do something about it.

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 08/09/2021 12:18

@HarryLimeFoxtrot

It’s always men who tailgate me. Especially where the A6 goes through a 30mph zone. They’re constantly trying to drive in my boot. I always think they should actually thank me - there are average speed check cameras on that stretch of road, and by driving at 30mph I’m stopping them from getting points on their license.
Is there two lanes through the 30 zone? Where you could let them off and let them get points?
HarrietsChariot · 08/09/2021 12:24

The worst incident I experienced was a woman losing it. Generally men seem more likely to be dickhead drivers but the women that lose their shit, REALLY lose their shit. I've had men up my rear and been honked at and gestured to by men, but the only time I saw someone get out of their car and try to confront another driver, it was a woman.

Driving a big SUV, that goes without saying!

TonyThreePies · 08/09/2021 12:28

I've been meaning to post all morning but the incidents make me too cross to explain! Being called a "difficult woman" and being told to fuck off are two incidences recently where I have asked (older) men to move their cars when they have parked across my dropped kerb.

ILikeYourHair · 08/09/2021 12:29

@lljkk

Imagine IF MNers found a load of blokes on a blokey website saying the types of sweeping generalisation unpleasant things about women that MNers enthusiastically say about men...

About emotional self-regulation, I was thinking maybe men tend to lose it with anger while (MNers perfect example) women lose it with anxiety. Except the angry women & anxious men, coz you know, people are actually individuals.

They do though. And a lot worse. A lot, lot worse.
dunkaccino · 08/09/2021 12:33

I was in the car with my dad on the motorway, my dad was driving, we were on the outside lane, going the speed limit, there was no space for us to pull in so we stayed in that lane,

And you wonder why the other road users were angry???? Confused

notimagain · 08/09/2021 12:35

@idontlikealdi

It's not just men. Driving where I live is appalling, I'm sure there are many driving without licenses due to test delays because of bloody covid.
Last really bad case of road rage I saw involved a lady indulging in very very tight tailgating/headlight flashing/horn beeping/gesticulating whilst trying to slalom her way through the morning traffic on a local autoroute……I agree it’s certainly not a just men thing…
Cam77 · 08/09/2021 12:36

Angry/violent Men are more likely to assault random men than women. I don't think any of my male group of friends got to age 18 without being on the end of physical violence more than once. Women.may receive more general idiotic nasty behaviour though, but not physical violence.

SirChenjins · 08/09/2021 12:40

Definitely not just a man thing - there are some very aggressive people driving on the roads.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 08/09/2021 12:40

@MoreAloneTime

If you were a man I bet he'd have managed to control himself
How would he know the OP was female? Unless she turned round and looked at him, which I hope she didn't.

I do think men are more aggressive towards women - but in this case I think it was just a case of big man in expensive car not liking cyclists. I have had people beeping me because I won't overtake cyclists in dangerous locations.

And I also agree that women in their Chelsea Tractors are aggressive (and dangerous, when they keep looking back at their children in the back!)

TheSockMonster · 08/09/2021 12:41

@dunkaccino

I was in the car with my dad on the motorway, my dad was driving, we were on the outside lane, going the speed limit, there was no space for us to pull in so we stayed in that lane,

And you wonder why the other road users were angry???? Confused

I don’t understand this. They were going the maximum speed in the outside lane. The car behind wanted to go faster than the legal limit. In this situation you wait for a safe space to move out of their way and then do so. I can’t see what they did that was wrong.
lockdownmadnessdotcom · 08/09/2021 12:43

@dunkaccino

I was in the car with my dad on the motorway, my dad was driving, we were on the outside lane, going the speed limit, there was no space for us to pull in so we stayed in that lane,

And you wonder why the other road users were angry???? Confused

If there is no space to pull in, how would that make other road users angry? You can't force a space where there isn't one!

Although I've heard people beeping when the lights are on red. Apparently you are meant to go even you can't. So I wouldn't be surprised if someone got aggressive with you for daring to be in the outside lane at a slower speed than they want to do even though there's no space in the other lanes.

travailtotravel · 08/09/2021 12:43

@TheFeistyFeminist

When a similarly arrogant sod cut me up and I used my car horn, he stopped, blocking the road, got out and started shouting at me to open my window. No way! I got out my mobile phone, pressed 9, showed him. He continued, pressed 9 again. More shouting, one more 9. I hovered over the Call button, and he practically ran away, back to his car, and drove off.
ooh, skillz. Stealing this for any similarly rubbish behaviour.
lockdownmadnessdotcom · 08/09/2021 12:44

@Deadringer

For a lot of men, unless you are servicing one of their needs, women are just a fucking nuisance.
This is certainly true.