Aibu to think that close friends would offer to babysit?

[Overthebow]

We had a baby last year. We have no family to help, but we do have a lot of close, or so I thought, friends. Me and DH haven’t had any time together just is because we don’t have anyone to babysit. All our friends have family who regularly babysit and are always going on about date nights together, I’ve even offered to babysit for friends and get told no because their DPs or other family babysit for them. We’ve had chats about how hard I’m finding it and how my relationship is suffering but still no one has offered. AIBU to think that you would offer for a close friend? Just once every now and again?

I've offered. People rarely take me up on it and sometimes those that do ask for a lot of crazy shit.

I work in a responsible job in healthcare with a significant child protection component and hold advanced life support qualifications.

I either babysit or I don't. I'm not showing your husband my CRB & first aid certificates.

YABU. If you want to go out pay for a baby sitter

It absolutely should happen. In fact, I’m going to offer to babysit more for friends as it’s something I don’t think of doing.

When I had babies, even as a single parent of twins, no one apart from my parents ever offered. Even when I was totally exhausted.

I'm really surprised at the answers here. I have many times baby sat for friends in your position and they have reciprocated. If you are a couple it's really not that big a deal for one of you to stay home with your kids while the other goes and spends the evening babysitting. It really eases the pressure when you can help each other out and I feel helps build a sense of community and extended family for your children.

I think it would have been thoughtful and kind for them to offer.
Maybe as they aren't in your predicament they haven't really thought.
I think the only way is a direct approach, Would you.mind babysitting for us one evening this month and I will return the favour next month ,(.or vice versa) I had this reciprocal arrangement with friends alternate months one we would babysit or go out. We also knew each others children well.
I was always apprehensive about leaving my children with people they didn't know, which is why I didn't use babysitting service. I am sure agency staff are professional etc but my kids would have been scared to be left with a stranger

I'm a single parent and for a one off childcare emergency I would babysit a young child (under 5) for very close friends only. I have offered to babysit my good friend's 2 year old if they need it in an emergency, as she is pregnant and we are 5 minutes away. I would babysit any of my 6 year old's friends if needed for childcare ie the odd day in holidays etc, with the understanding that the favour would be returned. Part of that is because there is an obvious advantage that my 6 year old has a friend to play with. I dont think I would offer to babysit for a date night when I barely get any time to myself. Any child free time away from my own kids is precious and I don't have any desire to spend it with other people's children.

I'm very lucky that my mum helps with looking after my kids but ive also learnt that if I need 100% reliable childcare, I need to pay for it

You can't expect people to assume you want their help. Many parents (especially new parents) hate the thought of leaving their child(ren) with others. We aren't entitled to help. If we want/need it, ask.

I think it's a weird thing to ask tbh. To babysit a friend's kid so they can go on a date night . No issues with being busy or stressed, I just don't want to.

For an emergency, I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat.

I wouldn't expect similar either. We didn't leave our kids when they were small. If a friend "insisted" like someone upthread suggests, I'll tell them to (politely) piss off. Not interested in palming off my kids on others.

Absolutely my best friend babysits my dd from time to time and I babysit hers x

I have 2 under 2 and thank Christ I do have help 1/2 times a week from DP/PIL because otherwise I would quite literally lose my mind but that bit of help I get just about keeps me sane I have absolutely no capacity to babysit for anyone else right now. My MH is barely passable and I’m exhausted.

I had two under 17 months and did the whole thing on my own without any help - DH was working two jobs at the time. It's actually been 5 years since DH and I have had a 'date' night or actually any time to ourselves. Kids are now 7 and 8.

I suppose you only find hard what your own circumstances are. I had no choice but to suck it up! If you have help twice a week and you're still exhausted, I think i would going to the Doctors to ask if anything is amiss (seriously) as you do sound like you need help.

I don't have children but I'm not scared of babies or children. I've never offered to babysit for friends or family but I have babysat when asked. I would feel a bit weird offering to babysit but would be happy to do so if asked.

That’s so cute tbh

Some of the answers here are really strange! I think YABU to expect people to randomly offer, maybe suggest a babysitting circle/swaps? If you have babies that are going to be asleep while you are out (say 8pm - 11pm) it works really well, you put your baby to bed, then you get to go out, babysitter gets to sit in your house, choose what to watch on telly and eat lovely biscuits in peace.

I also don't understand why anyone would refuse to babysit for "just a date night", don't we all need them to stay sane and to remind ourselves that we still actually like our partner and have something in common that isn't our children?

For me - family babysits regularly, for free, often for no reason, with love and because they want to spend time with my DC
Friends - don’t have the same relationship with DC even if very close and if they have DC similar age. Will babysit in emergency or will pick up from school if at same school etc. Eg. My friend looked after my DC one weekend when we had a family funeral and all my family was at the funeral!

That said, I did have a babysitting circle with NCT friends once upon a time. None of us ever used it from what I remember!

Exactly!

I wouldn't have the first idea how to look after a baby/small child, so I wouldn't feel safe offering to babysit even in an emergency, let alone for social reasons.

I'd offer to look after an older child - old enough to do the basics for themselves - in an emergency situation only.

I have seen people asking on Facebook groups if anyone is interested in setting up a reciprocal babysitting arrangement. Maybe this could work, or you could put a little note up at the nursery. There may be another family in the same circumstances.

Yes I do. They probably don't think, that's the problem, or maybe a friend doesn't like to live her (or his) partner at home with their kids. In their place, I would offer occasionally, I did years ago, took my baby with me.

You can hire someone, a 'professional' babysitter, however I expect you would feel happier with someone you know.

To be honest, I wouldn't want to babysit a 15 month old as children that age are hard work (and the cuteness can't compensate for that). When my children were they age, me and OH were exhausted by the weekends - it was the only time we had together and with our children and wouldn't have wanted to spent it babysitting another child, so I wouldn't offer unless it was an emergency.

I think you need to be creative in your thinking.

As another poster said, take some time off work when your child is in nursery.

Or visit your family for the weekend and ask them to help.

Op - it will get easier, as your baby gets bigger. I'm much more likely to help out with older children.

@Overthebow

I know I should just ask but im not in a good place at the moment and scared of them saying no and looking stupid. We can’t really afford a babysitter, round here the going rate is £10 per hour do £20 or £30 on top of food or drinks is out of our budget.

I don't understand this.

Surely you'd just save up for a few months?

£30 at a fiver a week takes 6 weeks to save up.

'leave' not 'live', second sentence.

To be honest I wouldn't expect my friends to babysit - we have no family to help us either and we have to pay a babysitter if we go out it's just how it is

If you can't afford a babysitter can you afford a night out??

And without sounding harsh did you not think of this beforehand???

When you have a baby you become a family not a couple and things so tend to revolve round that principal and not going out as much - we maybe go out once or twice a year and to be honest we are happier with a nice meal or takeaway at home far less hassle and cheaper

Where do you live?

It seems most people on this thread haven't heard the phrase, 'It takes a village to raise a child'. I don't have children but I have babysat my nieces and nephews, even overnight. I have also babysat other children in the past. I don't see anything odd in it. In fact, I feel the fact that someone would ask me, means they trust me with their most precious cargo and I know how batshit tough parenting is. All parents need a break and the attitude on here towards the OP astounds me. Seems to have a ganging up at the school gates mentality. OP, please ask your friends, they can only say no. But you won't know until you do.