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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Continually banned from ex's various places of work!

185 replies

missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:15

2 years an ex boyfriend dumped me suddenly during a mental health crisis. He claimed I didn't care enough about him. It came from nowhere and it was traumatic for me. Nothing had happened, everything seemed normal. I believe an ex-girlfriend getting in touch had set him off.

We live in a very small town. He worked in a local popular pub chain at the time. I was a regular there, had been going for a couple of years before he started there and we got together. I went with family and friends all the time. When he dumped me, I continued with my social life, but everytime I went to the pub, I was asked to leave. I got fed up of it, and stopped going there.

Fast forward to now. Ex has got a job at a cocktail bar that I frequent(ed) often with my boyfriend. Also been going there on and off for years. Great place and never had a problem! Booked and turned up the other night, to be refused entry because a "member of staff feels uncomfortable with me being there".

Is this ridiculous? It was 2 years ago, he dumped me and broke my heart, if I can cope with seeing him can't he cope with seeing me? I know I can't dictate how someone feels, but it feels very petty. He's definitely over me as he blocked me on everything and never got in touch again.

I honestly feel a little harassed by him and it was very embarrassing being told to leave.

I emailed the bar to complain and they said they put their staff's wellbeing as a top priority. I understand that, of course, but also annoyed he's still playing the victim and trying to punish me for something I don't know.

Aibu? There's not a great choice of places to go around here. It's frustrating.

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 07/09/2021 19:17

He's ridiculous
Start going back to the pub he no longer works at.

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:17

To be clear, I mean aibu to feel frustrated and harassed and that it is unfair? So much time has passed... it's like he can't cope with seeing me having a social life.

OP posts:
Excelthetube · 07/09/2021 19:17

Well I guess you can go back to the old place now!
But he sounds a bit unhinged unless you really did do something awful to him and he does fear seeing you. But only you know the answer to that!

moynomore · 07/09/2021 19:17

This would enrage me. What an absolute sad loser.

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:18

@Ivegotasongthatllgetonyournerves

That feels so good to hear that! I have, we went the other day when we realised he didn't go there anymoreGrin

OP posts:
kowari · 07/09/2021 19:20

Is he only working at one place at a time? I wouldn't want yo go where an ex worked, unless he worked at several different places at once!

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:20

@Excelthetube

My boyfriend thinks he is loony. I have never done anything to make him fear me, I'm like a mouse.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 07/09/2021 19:21

Book it in your bf name.

Excelthetube · 07/09/2021 19:21

I genuinely don’t think there is a lot you can do

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2021 19:21

[quote missbunnyrabbit]@Excelthetube

My boyfriend thinks he is loony. I have never done anything to make him fear me, I'm like a mouse.[/quote]
In that case it sounds like he has to be making up stories about you being abusive.

Otherwise no boss in their right minds would ban someone just because they're an ex.

Half the bars around here would be empty.

Excelthetube · 07/09/2021 19:22

Other than call in advance and ask - is cockwobbler working tonight

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:22

@moynomore

Yay, I am so glad people see this like I do! It makes so mad. But I am so relieved I'm not the only one who'd feel like this.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/09/2021 19:23

He sounds ridiculous!

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:25

@kowari

He just works at the cocktail bar now. Honestly I kept going to his work place because that's what I'd always done, and was kind of a 'head held high after being dumped' mindset for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:26

@Longdistance

We did, but he'd obviously given a description of me because the doorman stopped us at the entrance!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/09/2021 19:27

I'm curious though to know what you mean by...

"When he dumped me, I continued with my social life, but everytime I went to the pub, I was asked to leave. I got fed up of it, and stopped going there."

What made you think you could keep turning up at a premises you'd been barred from?

MichelleScarn · 07/09/2021 19:28

Is there a possibility that he does actually mistakenly think you have done something? What happened during his mental health crisis?

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:29

@WorraLiberty

Sadly I have suspected for a long time that he's gone around saying I'm abusive. It's maddening because I went out of my way to help him with his mental health issues!! It really does sound like I must have done something really bad, but I honestly didn't. Yeah, we had raised voices and the odd snide comment during the actual break up, but nothing out of the ordinary I would have thought?!?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/09/2021 19:30

[quote missbunnyrabbit]@WorraLiberty

Sadly I have suspected for a long time that he's gone around saying I'm abusive. It's maddening because I went out of my way to help him with his mental health issues!! It really does sound like I must have done something really bad, but I honestly didn't. Yeah, we had raised voices and the odd snide comment during the actual break up, but nothing out of the ordinary I would have thought?!?[/quote]
It's definitely very strange, I agree.

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:32

@Excelthetube

That's an idea, he does work there full time but obviously he can't be there every night! Though I bet they wouldn't tell me if he was working, staff confidentiality and all that.

OP posts:
Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:33

@WorraLiberty

I wasn't specifically banned, I just kept being asked to leave if he happened to be working when I came! He was only part time so it wasn't too often he was there.

OP posts:
ImNotDancing · 07/09/2021 19:34

Tbh if he doesn’t want to see you he doesn’t want to see you. I’m impressed that his employer takes his feelings into consideration and backs their staff members up

Peppapigforlife · 07/09/2021 19:36

How did he know you were coming if he managed to get a description out there of you?

Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:37

@MichelleScarn

I suspect he convinced himself that I was evil and maybe even caused his mental health problems, I don't know. I really don't know.

The mental health crisis is like a whole other thread! He had difficulties anyway, but his ex-girlfriend who traumatically dumped him got in touch...he told me one weekend, and then dumped me the day later! Maybe realised he didn't love me like he loved her, or something. It was very random and strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
missbunnyrabbit · 07/09/2021 19:39

@Peppapigforlife

He didn't know I was coming, I assume the doorman was shown a picture or description of me in case I turned up! The thought makes me cringe!!

OP posts: