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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my niece’s mum to my wedding?

164 replies

ncforthis21 · 06/09/2021 20:43

NC for this. I’m getting married later this year. My brother had a baby earlier this year, but he isn’t with the baby’s mum. He wants the baby, my niece, to be at the wedding, as do I. I’ve met the baby’s mum a few times and we get along well. She has been told that she can bring the baby along in the evening after the meal etc is finished so that the rest of our family can meet the baby, but I’m second guessing myself and wondering whether I should invite her to the wedding ceremony or to the meal, so that my niece can be a part of the day. AIBU to only invite her to bring the baby after the meal?

OP posts:
StarryStarrySocks · 06/09/2021 20:45

Surely it's better to have the baby (and her mum) there during the day than in the evening? A baby at an evening wedding party will be no fun for anyone.

FannyBrice · 06/09/2021 20:46

Is there a limit on numbers? If so can't your brother bring the baby and the mum can come later

seaandsandcastles · 06/09/2021 20:46

If baby is invited mum needs an automatic full day invite too. It would be rude to do anything else.

Freddiefox · 06/09/2021 20:46

Can’t you brother bring the baby himself? Or is she quite young?

Blueeilidh · 06/09/2021 20:47

It's really up to you but depending on the age of the baby, coming in the evening might not be that practical.

PinkKecks · 06/09/2021 20:47

I wouldn't take my new baby to a evening-only wedding. The baby will be tired and the guests will be drunk. If you want your niece to come, invite her to the day.

MissyMooKins · 06/09/2021 20:48

It's your wedding. Do what you like. Can't imagine she's looking forward to going to her exs sisters wedding to have her baby passed around her exs relatives who she's never met.

ANameChangeAgain · 06/09/2021 20:48

I don't know, it feels like she will just be the person bringing the baby along to the ceremony and not a valued guest in her own right, which is a bit crap. Unless you get to know her or want to get to know her genuinely as a friend, evening would probably be better under the circumstances.

Original poster
ncforthis21 · 06/09/2021 20:48

@Freddiefox baby will be about 3 months old at the time of the wedding, and is breastfed. My brother did want to bring baby by himself, but the baby’s mum wasn’t comfortable with that which I understand.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 06/09/2021 20:50

Might be better for her to come along for the photos etc. Evening might be tricky for a young baby.

Bimblybomeyelash · 06/09/2021 20:50

If she’s ok with just popping along for a bit in the evening then that’s fine. I can’t imagine she wants to spend all day with her exes family?

ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 20:51

A 3 month old breast fed babies mother is not invited to your wedding?

If you have a baby OP please remember you considered this

MissyMooKins · 06/09/2021 20:53

If you are inviting her to evening defo add on a plus 1 for her and get your brother to arrange her transport if she doesn't drive. I'd have hated to go to a wedding reception with my 3 month old baby. Knackered by 7pm. Day times prob best. Just ask her what she prefers.

CanofCant · 06/09/2021 20:53

The baby is really young and your brother's ex has basically just given birth. Why don't you ask what is best for her? It sounds like a right faff on for both mum and baby tbh.

scrivette · 06/09/2021 20:55

You can't expect a 3 month old breast fed baby to be at the wedding (or anywhere) without Mum.

It might be best to see what she thinks would be most comfortable for her.

FannyBrice · 06/09/2021 20:56

@ActonSquirrel

A 3 month old breast fed babies mother is not invited to your wedding?

If you have a baby OP please remember you considered this

The poster is asking for advice, no need to be rude. We all live and learn
MrsBertBibby · 06/09/2021 20:56

She'll be 3 months old?!

You should let mum come to whichever bit of the day she pleases, and make sure she has a comfy seat, plenty of room, and food and drink.

scrivette · 06/09/2021 20:57

Ah I see, it was your brother who wanted to bring the baby on his own. I still think it might be best to check with the baby's Mum what would be most comfortable for her.

CanofCant · 06/09/2021 20:57

Were they in a long standing relationship or was it a short lived thing that resulted in a baby because that would surely affect the depth of her relationship with you and your family. She is probably still getting to grips with motherhood and (although it would be nice for you) making her baby available to be shown off at your wedding might not be a priority to her right now.

But as I said this depends on the nature of your relationship.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/09/2021 20:58

A 3mth baby esp if bf needs their mum

If was on the bottle I would say maybe your brother cares for baby all day

Assuming they are civil enough to each other and she wants to come to her ex bf sisters wedding and all family there …….

What does brother want

Can mum come after wedding /before meal if she feels awkward

orangejumpsuit · 06/09/2021 20:58

Why don't you ask the mum what she's most comfortable with?

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/09/2021 20:59

[quote ncforthis21]@Freddiefox baby will be about 3 months old at the time of the wedding, and is breastfed. My brother did want to bring baby by himself, but the baby’s mum wasn’t comfortable with that which I understand.[/quote]
Of course you have to invite her Mum!

Porcupineintherough · 06/09/2021 20:59

Why do you think it would be in your neice's best interests to be away from her mum for the day at 3 months?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 06/09/2021 21:01

[quote ncforthis21]@Freddiefox baby will be about 3 months old at the time of the wedding, and is breastfed. My brother did want to bring baby by himself, but the baby’s mum wasn’t comfortable with that which I understand.[/quote]
At three months mum and baby are a package deal. It is absolutely non-negotiable that mum should be invited if you want the baby there. Your brother was very unreasonable to suggest otherwise.

Wondergirl100 · 06/09/2021 21:02

It seems really uncomfortable and sad to me that the baby is wanted there but not the mum of such a tiny baby. I think if you can afford/ fit her as a guest and if your brother and her get on - wouldn't it be nicer to have her there so that people can enjoy seeing the baby? I also think that she should be asked if she actually wants to bring a small baby to an evening event - at 3 months mine would have been asleep or crying by evening.