To not invite my niece’s mum to my wedding?

[ncforthis21]

NC for this. I’m getting married later this year. My brother had a baby earlier this year, but he isn’t with the baby’s mum. He wants the baby, my niece, to be at the wedding, as do I. I’ve met the baby’s mum a few times and we get along well. She has been told that she can bring the baby along in the evening after the meal etc is finished so that the rest of our family can meet the baby, but I’m second guessing myself and wondering whether I should invite her to the wedding ceremony or to the meal, so that my niece can be a part of the day. AIBU to only invite her to bring the baby after the meal?

@MissyMooKins

It's your wedding. Do what you like. Can't imagine she's looking forward to going to her exs sisters wedding to have her baby passed around her exs relatives who she's never met.

I tend to agree with this!⬆️

They definitely come as a package, though - she's the mum of your niece & always will be, regardless of her relationship with your brother. So if you want your niece to be part of your wedding, you need to invite mum & baby for the whole thing & ask mum what she'd prefer to do, because a 3mth old breastfeeding baby is hard work & she may be trying to get into a routine, may not feel comfortable with being 'front & centre', may need a bit of moral support, etc.

Good for sticking to your guns OP. I hope it goes well. Congratulations on your baby too!

Reverse is def frowned apon on mn

But sometimes is only the way to make sense of something silly

Evening is silly. With tired baby

So your post of watching wedding. Saying hello. Then going is perfect

Sister is obv Aunty and will be part of baby’s life

Hope not too awkward for you to play/ meet / pass the baby

I would not have thought this to be a reverse tbh. But you’ve got your head screwed on and sound really kind. I hope the family is welcoming of you. And my, your baby’s dad sounds immature. No wonder the relationship with him didn’t last - he’s not covering himself in glory if this is how he treats a woman, who has recently given birth to his child. Hopefully he will grow up soon!

@MrsBertBibby

She'll be 3 months old?!

You should let mum come to whichever bit of the day she pleases, and make sure she has a comfy seat, plenty of room, and food and drink.

This!

[quote ncforthis21]@CanofCant they weren’t in a serious relationship. She hasn’t met any of the family except myself and my parents. My brother is eager for the rest of the family to meet the baby. She has said she’s happy to bring the baby for a little while, but it’s an hour’s drive round trip for her so doesn’t want to come too late.[/quote]
Why would you expect a BF 3 month old baby to be away it’s mother for hours??? How will your brother feed the baby? I can imagine that the baby’s mother will feel very uncomfortable at being at your wedding being gawped at by a load of strangers.
Your wedding isn’t the time or place for this baby to meet your family.

That’s very generous of you to agree to that OP. I hope the baby’s father’s family lets him know how unreasonable he has been.

@MrsBertBibby. It’s the bride’s day not the baby’s mum. Personally I would not invite the baby, who won’t be bothered anyway . The mum may feel awkward on her own with ex’s family. Would she just bring baby for an hour to be on a couple of photos with her dad and to meet family if the wedding is close.

Thanks for the update OP, even though it was a reverse, I hope you and your little DD enjoy the day meeting extended family and that you e found an ally in the sister (bride).

@PicsInRed

She has been told that she can bring the baby along in the evening after the meal etc is finished so that the rest of our family can meet the baby

"Told".

This sounds like she's nanny, bringing the baby down washed and fed after tea. It sounds like she's staff and it's rude.

Exactly. She's the one doing you a favour! Not you her.

I'd tell you thanks but no thanks.

Your brother isn't in a position to show his baby off,

Your/his entitlement is breath taking.

Oh sorry, I missed the reveal before I lost my temper with the baby's Dad & his sister!

At least you're in no doubt what a dickhead your baby's Dad is, such a shame you're forced to deal with him for 18 plus years.

Start as you mean to go on. What he wants is not your problem. All that matters is what's best for your baby & YOU have full autonomy, you're not at his beck & call.

Oh & with the rising Covid rates, (if you're in the U.K) there's no way I'd be going & letting the baby be passed from pillar to post.

Well done OP. Baby's dad needs a lesson in putting his child first and understanding a baby's needs!

Quite relieved it's a reverse - well done, OP.