To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

It's nonsense confusing, Twillow, because your internal body clock has absolutely nothing to do with how you organise your time.
You're conflating two totally unrelated things.

@Buffoonborisisatwat

What about those annoying people who are consistently EARLY! Say you agree to meet them at say 1 o'clock and they arrive at 1230 and make you feel guilty for keeping them waiting. How bloody rude is that?

Yep, I have never met a single soul who does this. And neither have you.

@username4s I totally agree. People who are perpetually late are ignorant arrogant selfish twats who don't deserve any friends. As a few posters have said, it's funny how they're on time when it suits - for planes, trains, work, and important appointments etc.

I ghost people once they do this 3 times. CBA with arrogant arsewipes, who think their time is more important than mine.

My ex is always late to pick up or drop off the kids, it drives my DP mad. I’m used to it as I’ve know him for 20 years, he’s not NT.

@GreyhoundG1rl I'm not saying I'm not to blame. I'm saying I genuinely struggle with it, have tried various things to help and dont seem to have improved with those things or with age. I'm trying to explain that being late is, for me, a bit more than 'I cant be bothered' or 'my times more valuable' - it isnt and I feel shit about it, being late makes me feel sick and anxious and I cringe at letting people down.

It’s often tied in with other irritating and inconsiderate behaviour. A housemate I once had was late to everything - she was also chronically disorganised, paid the bills/her rent late (meaning those of us who had accounts with various providers got overdue letters), and never topped up the gas/electric meters.

Obviously if there’s a one off emergency where you need to use the toilet right before you leave then that’s a situation where being late is acceptable.

If it’s every single time you’re supposed to meet someone, at the exact time you’re supposed to leave, then you need to look at meeting at a different time.

I do have a friend that I genuinely tell to come anywhere an hour earlier. Just try that folks!!!

@MrsSkylerWhite

Yes, rude. They’re saying your time is less valuable than theirs.

Not necessarily. Of course some people are rude.

Some people are disorganised - and that's a form of rudeness too, when it impacts on others.

Some people as PP said, do struggle with the steps needed to be on time. I have struggled with being on time for ever. I used to drive my extremely punctual mother mad as a teenager. At university I was always running to a lecture.

I hate being late. I do a huge amount now to avoid it & most of the time manage it, but never with ease. I see other people instinctively & easily get ready, know they time they must complete certain tasks at, and leave.

I have to overdo my planning - for everything. Time for shower, drying hair, make up. I use Alexa to issue reminders to me as even if I've said that I need to be in the shower at 730, 730 will come & go without me being in the shower. The 'outside reminder' of Alexa seems to help.

Having kids has actually helped me. One in particular is really punctual. I do a huge amount to plan to be on time as I know how unfair it is to them if I'm late.

For work, I don't have a fixed start time, which helps; for meetings, I find once I'm in work, it's straight-forward to be on time for meetings but if it's an external meeting, all the same over-planning is needed.

I read a really good book a few years ago where there were case histories of people struggling with time management. I related to several. One of those was someone who tried to do too much before they left the house; I recognised that I did that. That was something I was able to stop.

This isn't an excuse I know, but for several years when I had 3 small DC, a full time job & no help (separated, useless ex) it really was horrendously hard to do everything. I'm some one who likes everything to be clean, tidy, organised so just walking out the door and leaving chaos was really hard.

And actually I'm a very organised person in most other ways, it feels like an anomaly.

Someone said to me, 'the only person you are stressing out is yourself'. This might not be true but it has stuck with me. I really hate the feeling of being late, the embarrassment & putting others out. I try to remember that & be really focused on being on time.

@HeartsAndClubs

there are no excuses for being constantly late. none.

If you know you’re always late then you do something about it.

People need to stop laming x and y condition for lateness and just accept that they’re rude and lack decent manners.

Tell that to actual medical professionals

"Excuse me, all your patients who have neurological issues are just boorish and badly mannered!! They dont need ritalin, they need decorum!"

Won't anybody think of Debrett's? 😭

@yellowsofa dyslexic effects people in different ways...I struggle with time management...tbh there's a few other things I struggle with too I mix up eg table and chair and say take your cup of the chair rather than table...tbh it can be funny snd makes life interesting...but in answer to your question I struggle to get organised..it may seem simple to some one but when I need to get eg to somewhere for 1pm my brain thinks I need to leave at 1pm....I find it hard to factor in travel time...its better now with dh but I'm fight myselfto get on time hence why I always look rushed.

@Thanksihateit

Absolutely agree. And failing that, if you’re running late, LET PEOPLE KNOW. Then I can stay at home a bit longer myself, or do other stuff while I wait. Total dick move to let someone hang about for you in a particular place when you’ve not even bothered to let them know you’re running late

I agree with this for sure.

Had a DF who was consistently late, she'd call me as I was arriving at our meeting place to say she'd like to change the meeting time to an hour or two later as she hadn't left home yet, not caring that I was already there!
I just went LC then NC eventually.
To have a friend you need to be a friend. Mutual respect.

No, being early is not being on time. Its being early. But how lovely that an early person can do no wrong despite it bring rude and stressful to the other person, but a person one minute late is rude. If you're early, go drive round the block or sit twiddling your thumbs.

If it's rude for an NT person, then it's rude for an SEN person. How come one gets a pass? How do you know the NT person doesn't have an organisational issue? If you're chill with waiting for an SEN person, then you don't have a problem waiting, so why complain about an NT person?

Sometimes friends are a bit late, sometimes I'm a bit late. We always text to let the other know. If I'm out somewhere, I'd order the coffees and read my phone. I had a friend I used to meet for lunch and he was often late because he was coming from work and sometimes couldn't get away earlier. I never got cross. He's an absolute delight and would never mean to keep me waiting and was always apologetic.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I am always late. For everything. It's not because I don't care about them waiting and it's not because I value my time over theirs (I'm late for trains and flights and other nice things I've booked for myself as well). I find it genuinely hard to be on time. I know it takes me an hour to get ready and so I'll start say an hour and 15 min before I have to go and still be late. I just find time runs away with me no matter how much I clock watch everything takes longer than it should. I have a lot of ASD traits and not sure if this is one of them. But I'll be ready to leave the house and then I can't find my phone / wallet / keys that I've looked out and got ready that morning and then absentmindedly picked up and put somewhere else. Or I'll get something in my eye and not be able to get it out. Or I'll rip my tights putting my shoes on. Something like this happens every single time. Its embarrassing and I hate it. Time management is a skill and no matter how much I practice I just mostly can't get it right. Like many skills, some people are better at it than others. It isn't always about you.

Bet you're on time when it suits you.

[quote londonrach]@yellowsofa dyslexic effects people in different ways...I struggle with time management...tbh there's a few other things I struggle with too I mix up eg table and chair and say take your cup of the chair rather than table...tbh it can be funny snd makes life interesting...but in answer to your question I struggle to get organised..it may seem simple to some one but when I need to get eg to somewhere for 1pm my brain thinks I need to leave at 1pm....I find it hard to factor in travel time...its better now with dh but I'm fight myselfto get on time hence why I always look rushed.[/quote]
I'm dyslexic and mix up words too.

Ds is autistic and extremely literal.

It does make for some very interesting and hilarious discussions

My sister has dyslexia and she can't work out when to get ready or leave in order to get somewhere. Work is okay because it's the same every time but if we're meeting somewhere at say, 1pm, I have to run through with her that it's an hour drive, 10 minutes walk from car park, she'll need an hour to get ready etc. Then work back from there so she knows when to start. She has in the past left the house at the time she was due to arrive and genuinely not realised the journey would take time.

Do these people turn up late for work every day? Say sorry I’m late I was waiting for the washing to finish? I'm a night owl I couldn’t get up this morning (although I do sympathise with this)

If I’m travelling a distance on motorway to visit someone I might say 6ish as beyond my control but any other journey to meet someone nope

Excuse me, all your patients who have neurological issues are just boorish and badly mannered!! They dont need ritalin, they need decorum!"
What on earth are you on about?! Nobody so far has actually claimed to have a neurological condition that makes them late. If they have it's a separate issue entirely

If you know your bad at something and it will lose you friends why wouldn’t you find a way to work out how to make life easier.

The person who said they can’t bear to leave the house messy. You would prefer a tidy house to friends!

I cannot abide lateness. It is a massive 'fuck you, my time is more important'. I have cut off people who are consistently late. The odd one off for traffic etc I can and will forgive.

Consistently late people need to have/find/develop strategies to be on time. Tossing the 'you know me, I'm always late giggle and brush off' is not funny, charming or clever. You've had me waiting around, alone, like a muppet so off you fuck.

I am never and have never been late for work, social or family events, even with two under two. I expect the same courtesy.

[quote DrinkFeckArseBrick]@GreyhoundG1rl I'm not saying I'm not to blame. I'm saying I genuinely struggle with it, have tried various things to help and dont seem to have improved with those things or with age. I'm trying to explain that being late is, for me, a bit more than 'I cant be bothered' or 'my times more valuable' - it isnt and I feel shit about it, being late makes me feel sick and anxious and I cringe at letting people down.[/quote]
But you are one of those people who genuinely struggle with executive function and are late for everything.

I think it's different when friends are always late for a coffee but make it to work in time or get their kids to school on time. They can timekeep.

And In answer to your earlier question I do think that time getting away from you may be an asd thing. My ds is the same.
In fact he's amazing at timekeeping if he sticks to a routine but he cannot work out being on time for things that aren't part of the routine or he hasn't planned to do and time just disappears from him. He's very easily distracted and struggles massively to switch from one task to another.

@Thanksihateit

It’s often tied in with other irritating and inconsiderate behaviour. A housemate I once had was late to everything - she was also chronically disorganised, paid the bills/her rent late (meaning those of us who had accounts with various providers got overdue letters), and never topped up the gas/electric meters.

Gosh, what a lazy slacker she must have been. There's literally no excuse for those behaviours. Her life must be so much easier being so scruffy, scattered, disorganised and suffering persistent problems with bills etc.

If only she was as calm and considerate as you and just tried a little harder? It's obviously easier and preferable for her to live in utter chaos, but she could have at least tried being a completely different person.

@MyPatronusIsACat. You'd ghost them if they were late three times? You and and your language sound so delightful, maybe that's their plan all along.

@Unanananana

I cannot abide lateness. It is a massive 'fuck you, my time is more important'. I have cut off people who are consistently late. The odd one off for traffic etc I can and will forgive.

Consistently late people need to have/find/develop strategies to be on time. Tossing the 'you know me, I'm always late giggle and brush off' is not funny, charming or clever. You've had me waiting around, alone, like a muppet so off you fuck.

I am never and have never been late for work, social or family events, even with two under two. I expect the same courtesy.

Good for you! Have some cake

YANBU. I hate lateness. It's so rude.

I have ADHD but I don't use it as an excuse for any of my shortcomings. I make an effort to be on time and usually a little early for everything. I hate being late and rushed, and if I'm going to be rude to someone, I want it to be on purpose! Not because I can't get myself organised.

I used to have a friend who would always be late for everything. When I visited her, I'd tell her my return train was half an hour earlier than it was, so I'd have a chance of getting out the door and to the station on time. She was a nightmare.